Help with the TV?

[Nick99]

Father in law lives alone and has reached the stage where he cannot work the TV, he refuses to go into a home and we live 150 miles away. We have phoned the engineer twice and both times he told us that someone has pulled out the aerial from the back of the TV. We have been down and found that on other occasions he has taken out the battery from the remote or he has picked up a different remote and complained his TV is not working. He has even somehow managed to go into the set up system and received German TV??

We now get a phone call about once a week to tell us his TV is broken and he needs a new one. We have spoken to the lady carer who looks after him but she cannot help. It looks like we will be phoning the engineer again to go round and put his ariel lead back in but we are worried that by the next day the same thing could happen. Has anyone had this problem or can suggest any solution?

He constantly fiddles with things and there are screw drives and pliers all over the place. Last Saturday night he phoned at 11pm to say his bathroom was flooding and we were desperately trying to contact an emergency plumber, he had no idea about stopcocks or what to do. When it was sorted the plumber said that someone had taken the cistern apart and not put it back properly. In the winter he fiddles with the radiators and takes off the thermostatic valves from all the radiators and then phones us to say his heating is not working.

This constant fiddling is, I think part of his illness, but living so far away we cannot sort out problems. He obviously gets frustrated and he thinks that people come into his bungalow as he does not remember doing anything, so the only logical explanation to him is that other people are messing with his stuff. There is no point trying to explain anything to him as 30 seconds later he has forgotten whatever was said.

He can get aggressive when we mention a care home and wants to come and live with us. We tried this for a couple of months and we simply could not cope. He has forgotten that and keeps asking if he can live with us.

Sorry to go on but every few months he gets us down as we are constantly sorting out problems for him, to which he is oblivious and he now blames us for not fixing his TV straight away - its Sunday evening! He gets aggressive and has phoned four times today about his TV. At least it makes a change from demanding money all the time.

AAAAHHHHHH

 

[tp18]

If you google "simple TV remote" (I dont think I am allowed to put a link here), you will find remotes that simply change the channels, the volume, and turn on and off. Might one of those be an idea ? (maybe two, keep a spare in a hidden place, and if he removes the batteries, then tell him where the spare one is).

Other than removing screwdrivers etc, I am not sure what you can do about the "fiddling" though.

Sorry I couldnt be of more help.

 

[Nick99]

Thanks TP18, I've looked online at this may be a solution. I shall definitely try it.

 

[jeany123]

Hi Nick if you put Simple Remote in the search there are a few threads with similar things on which might help you ,

Best Wishes Jeany x

 

[Noorza]

With so many different problems I would suggest canvassing the street where he lives to see if there is a neighbour/handyman/woman who would for a fee be called to go in and help him???

 

[Nick99]

Its a good idea but he will not have anyone to visit. I'm afraid he can be rude with people and puts people off. The elderly lady next door took him under her wing for about six months, visiting every day and helping out but she gave up completely because he was so difficult and rude. He is 93 and never had many social graces and now has none at all. He was in the masons for many years and they have offered to visit and help but he told them to go away and not come back. We have offered befrienders from age concern but he will not have strangers in the house. It's all negative I'm afraid and he is his own worse enemy by refusing all external help except from us.

I think he will not accept help because he knows he cannot remember anything and its difficult talking to strangers when you have no memory, so he actively avoids any contact.

The neighbours look out for him as he has been wandering, and fell down in the road, they have tried to help but he does not want to know. He is a difficult person to love.

 

[Witzend]

Father in law lives alone and has reached the stage where he cannot work the TV, he refuses to go into a home and we live 150 miles away. We have phoned the engineer twice and both times he told us that someone has pulled out the aerial from the back of the TV. We have been down and found that on other occasions he has taken out the battery from the remote or he has picked up a different remote and complained his TV is not working. He has even somehow managed to go into the set up system and received German TV??

We now get a phone call about once a week to tell us his TV is broken and he needs a new one. We have spoken to the lady carer who looks after him but she cannot help. It looks like we will be phoning the engineer again to go round and put his ariel lead back in but we are worried that by the next day the same thing could happen. Has anyone had this problem or can suggest any solution?

He constantly fiddles with things and there are screw drives and pliers all over the place. Last Saturday night he phoned at 11pm to say his bathroom was flooding and we were desperately trying to contact an emergency plumber, he had no idea about stopcocks or what to do. When it was sorted the plumber said that someone had taken the cistern apart and not put it back properly. In the winter he fiddles with the radiators and takes off the thermostatic valves from all the radiators and then phones us to say his heating is not working.

This constant fiddling is, I think part of his illness, but living so far away we cannot sort out problems. He obviously gets frustrated and he thinks that people come into his bungalow as he does not remember doing anything, so the only logical explanation to him is that other people are messing with his stuff. There is no point trying to explain anything to him as 30 seconds later he has forgotten whatever was said.

He can get aggressive when we mention a care home and wants to come and live with us. We tried this for a couple of months and we simply could not cope. He has forgotten that and keeps asking if he can live with us.

Sorry to go on but every few months he gets us down as we are constantly sorting out problems for him, to which he is oblivious and he now blames us for not fixing his TV straight away - its Sunday evening! He gets aggressive and has phoned four times today about his TV. At least it makes a change from demanding money all the time.

AAAAHHHHHH

So sorry you've got all this worry. This sort of 'fiddling' would seem to be pretty common. My mother was constantly saying her tv or heating etc. weren't working - because she was constantly switching everything off and nothing we did or said - including notices in big letters taped right over the plugs - stopped her. I am sorry to say that the problem only went away when she finally went into a care home. She was ringing my brother non stop about such things - I mean literally 30 times in one hour. She didn't want to go into a CH either but by then things generally - not just the fiddling - had got to such a stage where we had no other option and I am afraid she was given no choice in the matter.
Sorry, not much help, I know, but there does often come a point where family simply can't cope any more, let alone at a distance. And especially when someone won't accept any non-family help - that's not so uncommon either.

 

[1954]

My MIL has started to fiddle with things but she lives with us. But it still a worry as we don't know what she will do next. We have bought covers now for all the plug sockets and they seem to be working but thankfully she has not started doing what your dad is doing. She was doing that sort of thing in her flat though. Unfortunately your dad can not make a rational choice about not wanting to go into a home. He doesn't realise how unsafe he is. Maybe this is the time to start the process............

 

[Wildflower]

Is there any way the engineer could permanently plug the aerial into the back of the TV - perhaps solder it or something? Just an idea, I'm no expert. Perhaps he takes the batteries out of the remote when he finds the telly not working because the aerial is out of the socket.

My dad fiddles with his electric shaver and takes it to bits. I've lost count of the amount of new shavers I've had to buy.

 

[Nick99]

Could I thank everyone for their ideas and support, it great to know we are not alone and to get these things off your chest. The TV man came this morning and it was as we expected, that the aerial lead had been taken out - oh well another £35 call out charge. We will definitely try a simple TV remote as I think he is pushing all the buttons and somehow affecting the TV, he then starts to fiddle and takes out the lead, which is about the only thing you can do with TVs these days. Of course he denies it and if we were to press the point his logical brain would tell him that as it is not him it must be someone else who comes into his bungalow. We have had this before when he thought people were using his bathroom at night. He has also accused neighbours of filling his dustbin up at night?

It may need a new thread but I read the other posts in TP about relatives crying because of what has happened to their beloved mother/father. For us we seem to have moved beyond that and just feel frazzled as we wait for the next phone call and problem. We just wish he would get worse and then we can sort something out but he is in a long in-between stage where he is losing his memory. We already feel that father in law was lost to us a couple of years ago and now its a downward slope. Its one problem after another and I feel that were wrong to feel the way we do when I read all the lovely comments posted by others in TP about their relatives.

Thanks again for the support.

Nick

 

[rajahh]

There are two " easy" remotes. The first one I bought was too simple. It only had arrows to move from one channel to another, and my husband wanted to press a number still. The firm we bought from were very good and gave me credit against its return and then I bought the one he uses now which is still simple, but you key on 1 or 2 or 3 for the channels.

If he is starting to undo things like toilet cisterns etc then even a simple remote is not going to keep him satisfied for long.

You have to programme the remote to the original remote so the TV recognises it, and must admit I found this tricky, but did manage it in the end.


Jeannette


e

 

[Witzend]

It may need a new thread but I read the other posts in TP about relatives crying because of what has happened to their beloved mother/father. For us we seem to have moved beyond that and just feel frazzled as we wait for the next phone call and problem. We just wish he would get worse and then we can sort something out but he is in a long in-between stage where he is losing his memory. We already feel that father in law was lost to us a couple of years ago and now its a downward slope. Its one problem after another and I feel that were wrong to feel the way we do when I read all the lovely comments posted by others in TP
Nick

Nick, just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. my mother has had AD for maybe 12 years now and I well remember getting past the point of grieving for the person we'd lost and merely feeling constantly exhausted and frazzled, not to mention constantly worrying about what else was going to happen, safety and crisis-wise.

 

[southlucia]

Hi Nick

This could have written by me, about my father, 18 months ago. He too would mess about with leads on the TV, the CD player and other equipment. He also took out the batteries of the remote. I would sort it out for him, but a day later we were back to square one. His sink got completely blocked so a family member arranged for a plumber, who was unable to come out until a week later. I arrived at Dad's the day before the plumber was due, to find him sawing his kitchen cupboards up! "To help the plumber get access" he claimed. He also took his toilet cistern apart. Nothing was safe from his 'fixing'.
Tools and sandpaper all over the house. He had once been able to fix anything, and believed he still could. He also believed that other people came in to the house and broke things. Sadly, he was no longer safe at home or able to look after himself at all, and went into a care home. He didn't know or agree to go, but once he left his home he forgot it had ever existed.

 

[FifiMo]

Nick,

Have you spoken to your dad's local council? Might not stop him fixing things but the council where my mother lived had a list of tradesmen who had all been vetted and charged minimal rates for the odd little job that needed doing. Some even dropped in if they were in the area to make sure she didn't need new light bulbs put in or in her case it was the tv too that needed fixing regularly. Not once did they charge her and were very mindful that she had dementia.

If you get the simple remote then perhaps consider maybe getting a tv unit to stop him getting access to the back of it. In the end up with my mother they made the tv such that it wasn't switched off at all and as she was by then sleeping downstairs this suited her just fine. Before she moved into a care home, she was down to wanting just the one channel. Unfortunately for us it was the alibi channel with non stop 'Murder she Wrote' !

Fiona

 

[Linbrusco]

It really is hard trying to keep one step ahead isn't it. Mum has mid AD, and Dad has cognitive impairment
So far with Mum, I have had to put masking tape over the on/off switch for the plug to the mains for the portable phone, as she was switching it off and wondering why the phone wasn't working.
We hid the TV remote and left Mum & Dad just with the Sky remote, and told them to turn the TV off and on by way of the button on the side of the TV.This still appeared too much for Mum ( and sometimes Dad ) who were fiddling about with the other buttons and kept switching the TV from Sky back to TV.
Now I have put masking tape over all the buttons excep for the on/off switch.

We bought Mum a simpler microwave with a Stop/Start, 10min, 1 min, 10 sec.
I think before long I will have to tape over the 10mn & 10 sec.

A few weeks back a faulty toaster blew their power out.
This sends them both into an absolute panic, but luckily was during the day.
Their mains switch board, has one big black switch, (amongst 10 other little white ones) which they just push down to turn all the power back on, but they get confused.
I had to get a permanent marker in red, to draw an arrow, to the right switch, and write " PUSH THIS ONE DOWN IF POWER GOES OUT"

My next mission is to tackle their pantry cupboard.
They keep having a problem with ants.
Turns out there are half open packets, sugar containers with no lids etc.
Mum keeps switching food from container to container, can't find the right lid, so just shoves it in the pantry. I found 30 odd plastic lids sitting in the cupboard.

 

[Nick99]

It's good to know were not alone isn't it and that someone has had the same experiences as you. There is no manual you can read as every case is different but we were given no warning from the professional about what would be happening and we are simply left to cope.

I have used a list of tradesmen supplied by age concern as once his fuse went and there were no lights, a tradesman came round and sorted it and did not charge, which was excellent as it was a 2 minute job. We are on his second TV as the first used sky buttons as well as the TV buttons, as he couldn't manage two sets of buttons we replaced the TV so there is only one set. I shall see if we can find another TV that somehow prevents fiddling at the back but he can be very determined. When he thought neighbours were filling his three wheelie bins he struggled down a flight of steps to the garden and moved all the bins into the garage, despite having to use two walking sticks to get about. Once he gets an idea he gets fixated on it.

I think I will opt for the easy remote as when there are lots of buttons he tends to put his thumb across about six of them when trying to change channels, and wonders why it doesn't work. He also presses number one and not the red power button and thinks the TV is broken, so the easier the remote the better.

He stopped using the micro 2 years ago and the gas cooker as he couldn't operate them. We have bought an electric two ring oven, which the carers use to cook his meals. Leaving notes on plugs and appliances has no effect as he does not see them of simply takes them off. Like many of you we have tried lots of strategies but ultimately they all fail as we progress on this journey.

We keep saying this cannot go on much longer but we said that last year and the year before. We have taken him around a care home but he was his usual rude self and it was embarrassing. Despite all our help he is still capable of shouting, getting annoyed, acting like a 5 year old, sulking and upsetting us. We have been through a bad patch recently but we're getting over it, thanks again for your support.

I suspect that once we solve the TV problem something else will arise and are ready for the challenge - oh well, I suppose so.

 

[pippop1]

My MIL too is always fiddling with things and saying that someone else has done it. Also turns off the power to all sorts of things and says that they don't work anymore. Not sure how she reaches the sockets as we have put furniture in front of them (tv) and she is not v mobile. We bought a new v simple TV remote but she doesn't now understand that the button that says "on" turns it on. We don't really know where to go from here. However, she doesn't really understand TV any more as she has a short term memory, I guess, 5 seconds. It's all v sad but also v frustrating for her son (my husband - only child).

She says listens to the radio but a more accurate description would be that she has the radio on.

She too fiddled with the cistern and ended up wet and calling the Fire Brigade in the middle of the night. But that's another story.

 

[nmintueo]

We have been down and found that on other occasions he has taken out the battery from the remote or he has picked up a different remote and complained his TV is not working.

I think I will opt for the easy remote as when there are lots of buttons he tends to put his thumb across about six of them when trying to change channels, and wonders why it doesn't work. He also presses number one and not the red power button and thinks the TV is broken, so the easier the remote the better.

... turns off the power to all sorts of things and says that they don't work anymore. Not sure how she reaches the sockets as we have put furniture in front of them (tv) and she is not v mobile. We bought a new v simple TV remote but she doesn't now understand that the button that says "on" turns it on.

If you can find one of these (unfortunately discontinued), it has design features that might really help:

• It's harder to take out the battery, because you need a screwdriver.
  
  
• Any of the channel buttons would turn on the TV. You don't have to use the power button.
  
  (Using this Sony remote with a Sony TV; it might not work as well with other brands. Also, if you pressed a channel button, it would turn the TV on, but it might or might not succeed in selecting that channel as well; pressing again would do it.)
  
  
• You can disable the function of any of the buttons.
  
  So if someone hits the power button randomly, you can disable it so they can't turn the TV off accidentally (you might leave that for someone else to do, or set a shutdown timer on the TV). Or if they turn the volume up too loud, you can disable the volume buttons.

Can you arrange things such that he only needs one remote control? Then he can't pick up the wrong one.

You can get socket covers and other devices that should make it harder to unplug things.

Preventing someone pulling out the aerial from the back of the TV may be harder, but see what you can come up with in terms of concealment, obstruction and mechanical protection (some good strong tape? a bit of sugru? see if your TV dealer has any other ideas?).

See previous threads:

Ideas for a simple to use TV
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?54333

Simple TV remote
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?14246

TV design features
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?45096&p=593401&viewfull=1#post593401

Electrical safety
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?57125

 

[tiggs72]

Father in law lives alone and has reached the stage where he cannot work the TV, he refuses to go into a home and we live 150 miles away. We have phoned the engineer twice and both times he told us that someone has pulled out the aerial from the back of the TV. We have been down and found that on other occasions he has taken out the battery from the remote or he has picked up a different remote and complained his TV is not working. He has even somehow managed to go into the set up system and received German TV??

We now get a phone call about once a week to tell us his TV is broken and he needs a new one. We have spoken to the lady carer who looks after him but she cannot help. It looks like we will be phoning the engineer again to go round and put his ariel lead back in but we are worried that by the next day the same thing could happen. Has anyone had this problem or can suggest any solution?

He constantly fiddles with things and there are screw drives and pliers all over the place. Last Saturday night he phoned at 11pm to say his bathroom was flooding and we were desperately trying to contact an emergency plumber, he had no idea about stopcocks or what to do. When it was sorted the plumber said that someone had taken the cistern apart and not put it back properly. In the winter he fiddles with the radiators and takes off the thermostatic valves from all the radiators and then phones us to say his heating is not working.

This constant fiddling is, I think part of his illness, but living so far away we cannot sort out problems. He obviously gets frustrated and he thinks that people come into his bungalow as he does not remember doing anything, so the only logical explanation to him is that other people are messing with his stuff. There is no point trying to explain anything to him as 30 seconds later he has forgotten whatever was said.

He can get aggressive when we mention a care home and wants to come and live with us. We tried this for a couple of months and we simply could not cope. He has forgotten that and keeps asking if he can live with us.

Sorry to go on but every few months he gets us down as we are constantly sorting out problems for him, to which he is oblivious and he now blames us for not fixing his TV straight away - its Sunday evening! He gets aggressive and has phoned four times today about his TV. At least it makes a change from demanding money all the time.

AAAAHHHHHH

Hi nick

No real actual answers but if it helps my dad went through a period of being obsessed with TV wires - pulling them out etc, then he disconnected the gas boiler, then took the face off the electric shower (whilst on!) and started fiddling!!! All this has now passed after months of worry - I put it down to my dads past where he was a real handyman and was forever doing jobs. At the time it drove me mad but it will pass.

Good luck x

 

[Nick99]

Thanks for the recent posts. I've started to remove all his screw drivers and spanners that litter his bungalow, next visit I'll take some more.
I did buy one of the simple TV remotes with only six buttons, volume up, down, channel up, down, on, off. It could not be simpler but I'm afraid to report it was a failure. When we use our own buttons we have all learned that you must press them for the right number of milliseconds for them to work. Too many or to few and they don't work. You may not have even realized that this is what you do. Well for FIL it was like watching a two year old when he tried to use the new buttons, I was getting frustrated watching him thinking to myself why can't he use this bloody buttons. But he couldn't, so the simplest solution should have worked but it didn't.
Like everything else it comes in phases, we have not had a problem with the TV for a couple of months but I know it will come back. I think for long periods he forgets he has a TV or has lost the remote, so the TV goes out of his head.
Last problem we had a couple of weeks ago, just after he flooded the bathroom was that he flooded the kitchen. For some reason he put the plug in the kitchen sink, turned on the tap and then went to bed. I think I might try meditation classes do you think they would help??