Losing it
- Thread starter Jel
- Start date
Believe me, I've done the same in the past with Dad who has AD, and Mum who was looking after him had some major meltdowns. There were times where he just wore her down asking if the poor puss has been fed, over and over because the cat miaows all the time. Mum would get so frustrated and then Dad would come next to her, not knowing how he made her feel, and kiss her and say he loved her. She would stiffen and look very cold, not because she didn't love him, because he had pushed her to her limits without knowing.
Short answer, your OH has probably forgotten, but you're left with anger and guilt. Let it go, you will fly off the handle but often these difficult and aggravating stages pass. Forgive yourself, I maintain dementia is a nuclear problem and we are caught in the fall-out zone.
You're a good person doing a hard and often thankless job because you love, love yourself too.
Stephanie, xxx
Short answer, your OH has probably forgotten, but you're left with anger and guilt. Let it go, you will fly off the handle but often these difficult and aggravating stages pass. Forgive yourself, I maintain dementia is a nuclear problem and we are caught in the fall-out zone.
You're a good person doing a hard and often thankless job because you love, love yourself too.
Stephanie, xxx
Thank you so much Stephanie for those very kind words. I have spent a sleepless night full of guilt and misery because he was always a lovely man until this disease took over. He is not awake yet but he will probably have forgotten all about it as you say when he does wake. Today is another day and we will make the most of it.
Thank you again.
Jean
Thank you again.
Jean
Jel I too know how you feel. I have lost it with my husband on numbers occasions. I know perfectly well it's the disease and not him. That doesn't help sometimes. As Stephanie says your husband will more than likely have forgotten. Please don't best yourself up about it.
Jel
I am another who has 'lost it' many time with me MIL. I go weeks of being patient and avoiding situations and then for no reason it gets to me.
The other day after yet again her telling me she wants to go home and has no idea why she is here. I said 'do you want to know why you are here?'. She of course said 'yes'. So very unkind of me I know but I gave her it with both barrels!! I finished by saying then tell what day it is and then you can go home. She said 'Christmas day'. Ha I said and then I said tell me the month. She said 'Christmas month'. I said there you go you don't even know the day nor month or year so you are staying! 5 minutes later I said 'would you like some lunch?'. She had totally forgotten and said oh yes please that would be lovely
So you see most of us lose it at some time and big time
I am another who has 'lost it' many time with me MIL. I go weeks of being patient and avoiding situations and then for no reason it gets to me.
The other day after yet again her telling me she wants to go home and has no idea why she is here. I said 'do you want to know why you are here?'. She of course said 'yes'. So very unkind of me I know but I gave her it with both barrels!! I finished by saying then tell what day it is and then you can go home. She said 'Christmas day'. Ha I said and then I said tell me the month. She said 'Christmas month'. I said there you go you don't even know the day nor month or year so you are staying! 5 minutes later I said 'would you like some lunch?'. She had totally forgotten and said oh yes please that would be lovely
So you see most of us lose it at some time and big time
Carers are human too.
Hi, I am new to the forum but not the difficulty of dealing with a loved one with dementia. My background before early retirement was in the field of learning disability where I worked for 41 years with loads of qualifications dealing with challenging behaviour, communication problems etc.
When you are emotionally involved it is completely different. Like others I have days of endless patience but being human when I do not get enough sleep I turn into a real diva. Under my breath I am muttering resentfully about the most insignificant thing, things that do not really matter but is that not always the way 'the straw that broke the camels back'.
It is easier to loose it over something minor than actually acknowledge how much the dementia is affecting your day to day life, which is no longer ordinary as everything has to be planned and routine with limited opportunities to just do what YOU want.
Often when I do lose it it is not because I am angry with the person because I know that it is the dementia and not them that is creating the issue, it is actually because I am so so sad that they are feeling anxious and confused and that they would hate to be the way they are.
When I am snappy and not nice I try to let him know that I am not cross with him just really tired.
I think it is really important to remember that all carers are human beings with all the faults and emotional feelings that this brings and that all we can do is the best we can.
So when we 'loose it' take some time, accept that it is totally normal to react and look for some form of coping strategy that at least helps.
Also REMEMBER humans often focus on the negative things they do and put themseves down, for every negative a carer does there are MILLIONS OF POSITIVES.
i SEND YOU LOADS OF LOVE AND LIGHT X
Hi, I am new to the forum but not the difficulty of dealing with a loved one with dementia. My background before early retirement was in the field of learning disability where I worked for 41 years with loads of qualifications dealing with challenging behaviour, communication problems etc.
When you are emotionally involved it is completely different. Like others I have days of endless patience but being human when I do not get enough sleep I turn into a real diva. Under my breath I am muttering resentfully about the most insignificant thing, things that do not really matter but is that not always the way 'the straw that broke the camels back'.
It is easier to loose it over something minor than actually acknowledge how much the dementia is affecting your day to day life, which is no longer ordinary as everything has to be planned and routine with limited opportunities to just do what YOU want.
Often when I do lose it it is not because I am angry with the person because I know that it is the dementia and not them that is creating the issue, it is actually because I am so so sad that they are feeling anxious and confused and that they would hate to be the way they are.
When I am snappy and not nice I try to let him know that I am not cross with him just really tired.
I think it is really important to remember that all carers are human beings with all the faults and emotional feelings that this brings and that all we can do is the best we can.
So when we 'loose it' take some time, accept that it is totally normal to react and look for some form of coping strategy that at least helps.
Also REMEMBER humans often focus on the negative things they do and put themseves down, for every negative a carer does there are MILLIONS OF POSITIVES.
i SEND YOU LOADS OF LOVE AND LIGHT X
It Happens
I'm a only child of a single parent with only a Aunt.. not blood relative ..best friend. on real other family around. But! I do have a great husband and two daughters who I could not live without. I'm humbled every time I hear the news and others who are so much worse off then me.. It's hard, It sucks and you wish they were a dog and you could put you loved one down. Well we all know that's not happening or the answer. Don't be to hard on yourself. hug coming your way..
Sincerely Only Child
I've lost it several times over the last, almost five years.
I'm a only child of a single parent with only a Aunt.. not blood relative ..best friend. on real other family around. But! I do have a great husband and two daughters who I could not live without. I'm humbled every time I hear the news and others who are so much worse off then me.. It's hard, It sucks and you wish they were a dog and you could put you loved one down. Well we all know that's not happening or the answer. Don't be to hard on yourself. hug coming your way..
Sincerely Only Child
