Do you care for someone living with a dementia who is still able to go to church and is embraced by the people there. Have any adjustments to worship been made to accommodate? I come from a point of view that church could do loads but isn't equipped
Church
- Thread starter Kebuck2012
- Start date
I still go to church and so does my friend Verna who has advanced Alz but she misses the evening service
I wouldnt want the form of worship (in our case lack of form!!) to be changed because of me. We do have hearing loop available and disabled access
I guess it will be different from church to church, next week we are having a caring awareness day where anyone from the church can come and learn more about caring and assisting those with disability. I am doing them a small exhibition
In October I am talking at the followup
I wouldnt want the form of worship (in our case lack of form!!) to be changed because of me. We do have hearing loop available and disabled access
I guess it will be different from church to church, next week we are having a caring awareness day where anyone from the church can come and learn more about caring and assisting those with disability. I am doing them a small exhibition
In October I am talking at the followup
Hi Kebuck2012,
My husband who has LBD still goes to Church every Sunday. A friend picks us up as I do not drive. We have been going there for nearly 20 years and everyone makes him very welcome. I suppose I am lucky in that J is very quiet and will sit with his hymn/prayer books open but not necessarily on the right page. Also we live in a small community and the Church is like an extended family, as it should be. I think it is the highlight of his Sunday.
Withy
My husband who has LBD still goes to Church every Sunday. A friend picks us up as I do not drive. We have been going there for nearly 20 years and everyone makes him very welcome. I suppose I am lucky in that J is very quiet and will sit with his hymn/prayer books open but not necessarily on the right page. Also we live in a small community and the Church is like an extended family, as it should be. I think it is the highlight of his Sunday.
Withy
Our church has just started a 'Memory Group'. Not sure it's the best name but it an change. The minister has recognised that a number of people in the congregation are struggling with their memory. Bill at be the only one with a diagnosis but I think a few people must be in the early stages of dementia. At present this group is limited to people in our congregation. They meet together, sing songs, play board games etc. the church pays for a taxi if needed. It runs on a fortnightly basis.
This is a kind if pilot as the intention (I think) is for opening t up to the wider community, perhaps in the form if a dementia cafe.
The minster has attended Church if Scotland conferences on 'the dementia friendly church' and is keen to do as much as possible for members who may have dementia.
The current group has an element of worship in that they get the musical instruments out and sing choruses etc. Bill loves this!
This is a kind if pilot as the intention (I think) is for opening t up to the wider community, perhaps in the form if a dementia cafe.
The minster has attended Church if Scotland conferences on 'the dementia friendly church' and is keen to do as much as possible for members who may have dementia.
The current group has an element of worship in that they get the musical instruments out and sing choruses etc. Bill loves this!
I'd be very cautious. I'm not a believer myself but know that her faith is/was an important part of my mum's life. So took her to the candlelight carol service at her village church at Christmas. She was well-behaved though not really following the service, and she was clearly pleased with the singing.
But for me it was easily the lowest point of her illness so far as I watched "Christian" after "Christian" avoid eye contact and make great efforts to avoid her. This is a small village in a rural area, and she has lived there since 1978, so the congregation members were, she had thought, her friends.
There is no emoticon gross enough to express my feelings towards these upstanding pillars of the community.
But for me it was easily the lowest point of her illness so far as I watched "Christian" after "Christian" avoid eye contact and make great efforts to avoid her. This is a small village in a rural area, and she has lived there since 1978, so the congregation members were, she had thought, her friends.
There is no emoticon gross enough to express my feelings towards these upstanding pillars of the community.
I'm sorry about your negative experience as it shows that being a Christian does not mean your a christian. In our church some of the biggest and nastiest people take communion as though butter etc....
But our village church has an open morning where elderly and not so elderly, some are in nappies can go and its just a friendly bit of a sing song, prayers a chat and lunch.
My mum enjoys it and their is no barrier everyone mucks in to help the other. Its really about community I suppose and company.
I do wonder though if this will be seen by SS at some point as a outing for the elderly who attend and withdraw the promise to take some to a day centre because of the transport costs and being unable to take walking frames on ambulances now. I kid you not, one fell over bruised an attendant and so now no more. We have to take it separately in the car for mum I was told. Reply was unprintable =on your bike.
But our village church has an open morning where elderly and not so elderly, some are in nappies can go and its just a friendly bit of a sing song, prayers a chat and lunch.
My mum enjoys it and their is no barrier everyone mucks in to help the other. Its really about community I suppose and company.
I do wonder though if this will be seen by SS at some point as a outing for the elderly who attend and withdraw the promise to take some to a day centre because of the transport costs and being unable to take walking frames on ambulances now. I kid you not, one fell over bruised an attendant and so now no more. We have to take it separately in the car for mum I was told. Reply was unprintable =on your bike.
That's terribly sad, drmclarke. I'm not surprised you wouldn't go back.
Our church, like Izzy's, is very dementia-friendly. Our group is just called the friendship group. They meet once a fortnight, and we take them out in the summer to a garden centre and for afternoon tea.
We always have coffee and cakes in the church hall after service, and the older people love this. People with dementia are very much included.
I'm very much aware that several people are showing signs of early dementia, and our system of Elders means that they are always monitored.
I think all you can do is try it and see. If you're not happy with one church, and they do vary in outlook, try another one.
Our church, like Izzy's, is very dementia-friendly. Our group is just called the friendship group. They meet once a fortnight, and we take them out in the summer to a garden centre and for afternoon tea.
We always have coffee and cakes in the church hall after service, and the older people love this. People with dementia are very much included.
I'm very much aware that several people are showing signs of early dementia, and our system of Elders means that they are always monitored.
I think all you can do is try it and see. If you're not happy with one church, and they do vary in outlook, try another one.
Its not though the one church? My parents have always been church goers, my grandfather was a vicar,(mothers father) I can understand your point that there may be another church that will take them, it's not the same church though.............., my parents are 'high church', the parish is is a normal village church, they have more than likely taken years to find a church that will fit with their beliefs, who are more than likely praying for them, isn't it better for them to worship with the beliefs of their lives than go for the 'happy clappy' alternative?
Yes, I do agree, it's important for your parents to be comfortable with the form of worship. If that's high church, then you may find it more difficult.
I would point out though that it wouldn't need to be 'happy clappy', I wouldn't be comfortable with that either. My church is Church of Scotland, the established church here, but with no formal liturgy. You might find a Methodist or URC would fit the bill?
I would point out though that it wouldn't need to be 'happy clappy', I wouldn't be comfortable with that either. My church is Church of Scotland, the established church here, but with no formal liturgy. You might find a Methodist or URC would fit the bill?
Read Izzy, Fed Up, and Skyes comments about their "dementia cafes". Our church (RC) doesnt have a hall, but this morning we went across the road to the methodist church for a "bacon buttie" (youth group were fund raising). The Minister came across for a chat (he knows we are RC)and I mentioned the Dementia Cafe idea as he runs a very community minded, friendly church. He says he will raise it with the powers that be, thought it was a good idea. So thanks to this thread we may get something in the village.
Withy.
Withy.
We go to what we call meetings (I'll say no more!) MIL is not really 'in to it' but as we go she comes with us. Everybody talks to her and makes her welcome. I am not saying she 'loves' the whole thing but loves the association and getting to know loads of people and our friends making a fuss of her
Anyway wherever her son goes then she is happy to go too. I felt bad at first but we can't leave her on her own so she comes with us as she does everywhere. Wherever I go she goes to x
Anyway wherever her son goes then she is happy to go too. I felt bad at first but we can't leave her on her own so she comes with us as she does everywhere. Wherever I go she goes to x
Hi Withy
I'm so glad to read your post the C of E we go to, is not happy clappy but Christian in that everyone talks to everyone else. And the singsong is not always hymns as my niece does a mean modern version of some old songs and is happy to do a turn for them.
If churches turn their backs on the vulnerable and exclude people less able for whatever reason it is a disgrace. So I'm glad you enjoyed your butty I've just finished 40 scones for Tuesday. I laughed last week a confused lady who I've known for 60 years and tells everyone she has Dementcha you know, told me at 9.5 stone that she was not as old as me and thought I needed to loose weight. So its a pararell universe I'm in with mum but at least on Tuesdays its a laugh.
I'm so glad to read your post the C of E we go to, is not happy clappy but Christian in that everyone talks to everyone else. And the singsong is not always hymns as my niece does a mean modern version of some old songs and is happy to do a turn for them.
If churches turn their backs on the vulnerable and exclude people less able for whatever reason it is a disgrace. So I'm glad you enjoyed your butty I've just finished 40 scones for Tuesday. I laughed last week a confused lady who I've known for 60 years and tells everyone she has Dementcha you know, told me at 9.5 stone that she was not as old as me and thought I needed to loose weight. So its a pararell universe I'm in with mum but at least on Tuesdays its a laugh.
Useless church of England
My poor dad has workedso hard for the church for 60 years but now he has relocated to live with me. We have had a pastoral visit and then absolutely nothing. All I asked for was for someone to walk to church with him and to remind from time time if needed that I would call and pick him up. I will not go with him to their church. He needs things that are his own while he can manage them.
Gaynor Hammond has done some excellent work with the Baptists. If it seems that I as a confirmed and unchangeable atheist have to go to church with him. Then I will be off to the Baptists who appearto have some understanding.
My poor dad has workedso hard for the church for 60 years but now he has relocated to live with me. We have had a pastoral visit and then absolutely nothing. All I asked for was for someone to walk to church with him and to remind from time time if needed that I would call and pick him up. I will not go with him to their church. He needs things that are his own while he can manage them.
Gaynor Hammond has done some excellent work with the Baptists. If it seems that I as a confirmed and unchangeable atheist have to go to church with him. Then I will be off to the Baptists who appearto have some understanding.
I am so grateful for the conversation my question has started I am delighted there are some good stories as well as the not so good
My husband was a Minister in a very conservative type of church for about 60 years. He is now unable (and doesn't want to) go anymore. I actually wrote to, not just the Minister, but to the entire congregation (it's a small "community" type church) and explained exactly OH's condition, how it affects him, and how very important it is that he gets visitors - that he needs contact with people other than me, and that he needs church contact. At that time, we were still going occasionally and the next time we were there, a couple of people stood up and publically said how ashamed they were that I had had to write and ask people to visit! However, no-one actually did visit. That was probably early last year. The MInister came to visit him last Thursday morning when I was out (I am persona non grata!) - the last time he came before that was last November. Disappointed? Yes. Surprised? Sadly, no. However, I know people from other churches who do make an effort to visit - in fact one friend who is caring for an elderly parent with alzheimers disease often comes to visit OH when they have someone in to give them a break!
