I ring Mum at her care home if I haven't been able to visit for a few days. When I rang this morning asking to speak to her a member of staff brought her to the phone. I introduced myself and she recognised my voice - she sounded bright and cheerful but then told me she was sad. I asked why and she said she has to leave [the home]because of Mother's wishes, (my grandmother who has been dead for 30 years). She became inconsolable and and although I said I will arrange for her not to leave, she is still very tearful. I don't live near the home and I work so I can't just jump into the car and see her - so, should I ring her? Maybe it's just not a good idea. We ended the call with her reasonably happy but I felt horrible. Ringing her assuages the guilt I feel, but leaves Mum in tears. I just hoped she forgot I rang.
Ringing Mum at her care home
- Thread starter Bookworm55
- Start date
Hi
Have you rung the care home to find out how your mother is now? She could be fine again and in fact be fine moments after the call. Sometimes because we are familiar we can spark a series of thoughts which are also familiar but not good for the person with dementia. Nobody's fault just the way that dementia can at times contort thoguth processes. Might be worth ringing the home to set your mind at ease and perhaps next time you visit find a chance to speak with the manager to ask for some suggestions on how you could manage phone calls when you can't visit.
Might a post card/notelet to your mother every day that you don't visit be a helpful alternative? Just thinking she would then be able to have a chat with whoever gives her the card and then read or have it read to her and show it to anyone else she speaks with at the care home - also she can forget a card and re-find it so it might work out better than the phone call which she could easily forget.
Best of
eomr
Have you rung the care home to find out how your mother is now? She could be fine again and in fact be fine moments after the call. Sometimes because we are familiar we can spark a series of thoughts which are also familiar but not good for the person with dementia. Nobody's fault just the way that dementia can at times contort thoguth processes. Might be worth ringing the home to set your mind at ease and perhaps next time you visit find a chance to speak with the manager to ask for some suggestions on how you could manage phone calls when you can't visit.
Might a post card/notelet to your mother every day that you don't visit be a helpful alternative? Just thinking she would then be able to have a chat with whoever gives her the card and then read or have it read to her and show it to anyone else she speaks with at the care home - also she can forget a card and re-find it so it might work out better than the phone call which she could easily forget.
Best of
eomr
Without wishing to be too blunt, she probably will have forgotten your call pretty quickly. I dont actually ring all that often as it seems to be quite a confusing medium. I do send cards. When I am with her in the care home she can go from furious crying to anxiety and confusion to anger to happiness (and back again) all in the space of moments.
Checking with the home is a good idea as the chances are she will have been right as rain after the call. But it is really difficult when you are not there. It is one of those things when you are trying, by ringing her, to do things that feel right and also make you feel easier, but doesnt always make the person living with dementia feel easier. We also had to change my mothers phone about two years ago to take incoming calls only as she was ringing about 60 times a day and my sister and I were in complete meltdown.
Checking with the home is a good idea as the chances are she will have been right as rain after the call. But it is really difficult when you are not there. It is one of those things when you are trying, by ringing her, to do things that feel right and also make you feel easier, but doesnt always make the person living with dementia feel easier. We also had to change my mothers phone about two years ago to take incoming calls only as she was ringing about 60 times a day and my sister and I were in complete meltdown.
