Questions to ask Social Svs at Dad's care assesment? suggestions please :)

[JoJo36]

Hi,

I have Social Svs coming to see me and Dad tomorrow to do a care assesment and I know that all cases are individual, but can you help me with any questions I should ask?

Dad has had Alzhimeres for 4 years and I live with him. Dad's brothers is his paid carer and helps throughout the day but when I get home, from a 12hr day at the office, I have to care for Dad and after 4 years with no help (in the evenings) I truly am at the end of my tether... that on top of the fact that my fiance walked out on me (because he couldnt cope with living with dad and with me as I am so stressed out at the mo and hard to deal wth, I admit) anyway, we were supposed to be getting married in 15 days time and everything is off!! all cancelled! (this happended 2 months ago) but I'm still gutted... I have now fallen out with my brother as he dosent help me and also my family (aunts and uncles on dads side) as my brother has stirred alot of trouble for me... needless to say I feel isolated and alone... I sincerely need a break from Groundhog day, day in/out... every night is a battle to get dad to eat, drink, take his tablets, he wont wash (my brother does this when he comes over for a measly 2hrs a week - but is gone by the time I get home from work) so i am deseprate for a break...

dad tell me the same story every night and asks me the same questions over and over and over and over again and all I want to do is unwind after a long day.. instead I sit and eat my dinner, with dad, with tears streaming down my face (I dont let Dad see) but admit I am snappy, on occasions with Dad, as its so very very waring and frustrating...and so much has happened in the last 2 months. I am seeing a private counsellor now and have been put on a stress management course by my Doctor... hopefully this will help me to cope with the extreme stress...

Can you help me with any good questions i should ask?

Many thanks
Jo x

 

[angecmc]

Hi Jojo, sorry you are having a bad time at the moment, you should not have to deal with this on your own, you should have a life too. You need to tell social services how badly this is affecting you especially as you are working too. It sounds to me like you should be asking them to provide respite on a regular basis, dont be fobbed off by them, tell them you are in danger of carer breakdown, it doesnt matter that you are not the main carer through the day, tell them you are on your own with Dad all evening and night and that your Dr has told you to get some help. If they say they can not help tell them you need a break and that you are going to a friends to stay and recover(even if you are not) and that will leave your Dad vulnerable and it will be their responsibility, tell them you have had enough. Hope it goes well for you take care.
Ange

 

[gillou]

Dear Jo,
You have the right to a life!
Before your Dad was ill would he of wanted you to live like this?
Why does your brother not live with your dad?
If you and Dad are living in Dads house perhaps you should get your own place and insist that you share the evening/ night duties with your brother. If your brother refuses then I'm sorry for your Dad but you need to think about a care home either for respite, see how you feel after a week or two, or else for the long term.
You must put yourself first here. All your hopes and dreams have just been smashed to pieces with the cancellation of the wedding and you need time for yourself!!!!
If you do not put yourself first you risk a breakdown and then you will not be helping anybody, not your Dad and not yourself. If I were you don't ask questions of social services, make some statements like" I need help and now".
Do post again and let me know how you get on, I live in France otherwise I would get in the car and come over to give you a big hug!!
Take care of yourself,
Gill

 

[jasmineflower]

Hi,
Your Carer's Assessment should "l look at your role as a carer: how being a carer affects you, how much caring you can realistically do while still allowing you to be involved in other activities outside caring, and any help you may need."

Before they arrive you need to write a list of the help that you think you need: regular respite, overnight care, help with housework, leisure classes to relieve stress, does your father need lifting? you could ask for the correct equipment. Is your father incontinent? you might need help with that. All sorts of things could be provided.

When the assessment is being carried out, you must tell them as it is on the worst day, not the best. Stress the fact that you are approaching carer breakdown and it has destroyed your personal life.

Don't be fobbed off by them. Keep demanding help - and don't be above losing the plot a bit, if it helps make your point. They should come up with a care plan.
Not sure if any of this helps, but I really hope that you have a good outcome.
Jenny