Carers Assessment - I felt a bit stupid ..... asking

[Shadow01]

yesterday I contacted the council and asked for a carers assessment.
It was easy identifying the needs of my MIL who only has mobility issues and needs some aids in the home to help her.
She was already registered in their system and all was fine

Then it came time for my mum...
they said what do you want for her ?... I said nothing as such, just an assessment as a carer ... to know am I doing everything right ... and if and when I need some support e.g. respite that maybe they could help etc...
They asked for her number so they could contact her directly... I said no... if you contact her directly without me it will confuse her.
I had explained that she has been referred for a memory assessment and gets easily confused and her short term memory is bad ... I explained she is unlikely to remember and is likely to get defensive and abusive, especially if someone she doesn't know starts asking her questions
They said I should talk to her...... explain and then get back to us so we can continue with her case and contact her directly ..... until then we will put this on hold.
Is it me ???

 

[blandford516]

Hi ,
No it is not you. You know your mum the best her needs etc. If you need help be ask for it demand it .Please do not be put off you need help and your mum ask x

 

[lin1]

No it's definitely not you
I have often wondered if people not only dont understand but DON'T actually listen to what we are saying, so go straight into their usual spiel and leave us ??????

 

[zeeeb]

I think sometimes "they" ask to speak to the person, because generally older people tend to be quite proud and say "i'm doing fine, i don't need any help, there are plenty others worse out there than me that need your help" dementia or no dementia.

And that puts them "out of a job".

when they speak to the family, the family always wants them to step in and help. So it's a way of reducing their workload.

just my thoughts. I've seen a few old people have their assessments. And although they do go on about their bunions and their bits and pieces, and talk for a long time, they always tend to say, no, i do my own shopping, i clean once a week, it's slow, but i'm ok, i have a microwave meal, and a sandwich for lunch, and i'm ok.

 

[rajahh]

It is called careers assessment and it is what help you need to care for your mum.
That's show I see it anyway. I too had a visit , it had tobe with my husband present but I have always been open about his needs so he did not get upset about it.

Personally I found it was a waste of her time and mine.

All I learnt really was that if I wanted respite I would have to organise it myself as my husband is self funding.

 

[bemused1]

Having read too much now about carers assessments and knowing we wil lbe self funding I,ve decided not to wait but just get on with it. oh needs mobility aids NOW and by the time we wait for them to decide we are self funding and for him to say he walks 5 miles every day he will probably be inhospital.

 

[JonathanG]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I had the same problem when I was looking for support with my grandmother.
I told them that for an assessment they must come out to the house if they wish to speak with her directly, there was no way she could have coped with a phone call.

For some reason they do like to make things unnecessarily difficult, but keep trying, keep asking, and don't let them bully you into backing down.
You are entitled to their support, so make sure they support you.
Please let us know how you get on.

 

[steffie60]

No definitely not you, it is how the system seems to work, because of budget cuts SW will put you off as long as possible.

I asked for a carer's assessment, a couple of months later I contacted Adult Services again as I was not sure if I had been given an appointment for this assessment only to be told it had been taken over the telephone - news to me but I had answered some questions. Asking again how this carer's assessment was supposed to work I was reluctantly given an appointment with a Social Worker who came to visit. Asked more questions filled in forms went in to chat with my mother got Mum to sign another form so that I could deal with any future needs. As Mum is self funding there is nothing more for them to do for the time being and certainly no help was forthcoming other than a couple of books about services in the area and how to find care services in the community and when necessary care homes. Totally not what I was hoping for, totally not what I was expecting. Basically because we were lucky enough to sell my mother's house in the difficult times a couple of years ago in an area which is not that easy to sell properties there is no help to be had. This situation is exacerbated by my mother who is still in denial and does not want any other outside help other than family. My family have joined the ranks of the invisibles. Ooops I think that just turned into a bit of a rant - not meant to be. Mum and I (with the backing of my wonderful kind husband) work our way through the days managing as best we can.

I sometimes think that if you know the right questions to ask and which buttons to push you do much better. It is a learning curve.