Short phone calls

[sarahc]

Guys - I love the drink tips (and will definitely knock back a few Singapore slings - sounds fab ! ) but PLEASE can someone help me with the problem of short phone calls. I am seeing mum tomorrow so any more tips ????? Of the 19 posts the majority are about cocktails - although maybe you're right - that is the solution !
S x

 

[Chesca]

Dear Sarah

...Well, you started it, what with the sundowning and all of that! But I get your point, that which you started in the first place. Mea culpa, sorry.

Now, if you're seeing Mum tomorrow, in order to get the best out of the visit try not to labour the point of the phone calls with her. She may say, yes whatever (or words to that effect), so my advice would be to go with the flow - enter the world of jumbly speak if you have to. It may be just as difficult for her trying to act as if everything is as it should be and I found the best thing to do was to play along. Just love her as you so obviously do and have a gentle word with the staff too, just to put your mind at rest - a state which you must find difficult being so far away.

The hard fact is that contact with Mum over the phone is going to become a very limited form of contact as this bxxxxxd progresses and therefore good networking with the staff will be of paramount importance to you in the future.

You will no doubt be feeling very, very sad after your visit but try not to give yourself a hard time. Tears are fine, guilt is for another time. Whilst doing the very best you can you will never get the effects of AD to conform to the way you want things to be - never!

So saying, do hope you get something good from your visit - and there are good things to be found; you just have to learn to identify them, and am sure you will in time.

And just think...............when you get home you can try the hedonistic delights of a Singapore Sling and let me know if it's worth all the effort! Be kind to yourself.

Lots of love and will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Chesca

 

[Brucie]

Hi Sarah

sorry about the diversions. You'll have discovered that caring is an activity that is draining and has lots of obstacles and challenges. One of the ways we cope is to bring in the surreal. Doesn't mean we don't care, just means we are all trying to keep on top of it.

About the short phone calls, well I'm not sure there is an easy answer. When a person is with you, you can use distractions of many sorts to continue a conversation, no matter how tenuous. In such a situation, you can walk, talk, gesticulate, pull faces, listen, touch, etc.

But on the phone, one half of the conversation is out of your control, and if they put down the phone, that's it.

I've not met this particular problem, so I can't speak from experience. All I can suggest is that, each time you phone, you try something different to see if it works, then stick to it.

Try varying the loudness and tone of your voice, try different topics, try....well, try anything. And if it doesn't work the first time, try it again.

But for the moment, as Chesca says, make the very most of seeing her in person.

Very best wishes

 

[Chesca]

Bruce!

Amaretto! Marzipan in a glass! Love it, love it, love it!! Sainsbury's has an offer on it at the moment, have sent Pickfords to pick up the order.

Can't wait to try the cocktail but can't guarantee it'll be too quiet around here after a few of those! Roll on Sunday! or can I pretend every day is Sunday?

Chesca

 

[Jude]

Der Sarah,

How about ringing her straight back again and sayin g'Oh I think we must have been cut off' and then trying again. It might work!

Jude

 

[frazer]

My dad also cut phone calls short, and i think one of the reasons was that he dreaded being asked questions, knowing he wouldnt be able to remember. It was like a test for him that he would always fail - "what did you do today" etc, when he hadn't got a clue. I got better response with story telling - what i had done, what the family was up to etc. Perhaps little and often is the answer (expect with the cocktails, in which case lots and often). Joking aside, I do wonder sometimes if i am on a slippery slope . .
Frazerx

 

[Jude]

Dear Frazer,

Thanks for that insight.

Asking any AD sufferer if they 'have had a nice day' could be incredibly intimidating for them. The obvious answer of 'I don't remember' would be just too confronting.

On that basis, 'what did you have for lunch?' is almost over the top too. I guess we have to rephrase everything if we can.

Maybe we have to give them an 'out'. eg: You had chicken casserole for lunch, did you enjoy it? You went to the market today, was it fun? At least they can say yes or no or I'd rather have stayed at home, etc. Doesn't always work, but worth a try.

Jude

 

[Izzy]

Sorry - still on cocktails. I know what Brucie means about recipes from books but this is a good one -

Mr Boston - Official Bartender's and Party Guide - first published in 1935. Not that I know too much about cocktails of course!!!! A dead simple one is a Bluebird -

1.5 oz gin
0.5 oz triple sec
1 dash of bitters
Ice cubes
twist of lemon peel
and if you can stand it - a cherry

It's nice!

Iz

 

[Chesca]

Recipe for a Blue Bird? Me yesterday!

Chesca

But, am always open to alternatives, Izzy. this thread is going to cost me a fortune..........in the name of research of course! I'll take it out of the carer allowance! Ha bloody HA!