Further update on Pete

[LYN T]

Pete was pushed again yesterday and has a sore back and a bruise on his bottom. The staff on the mental health unit are lovely and caring and didn't try to hide it from me.A care worker saw him fall and another patient was standing next to him and they think he was pushed.Pete is so in people's faces and sometimes it must appear to be very threatening. Poor Pete. He's not unhappy there and this time he's not asking to come home or asking for me all the time (which he has done on previous occasions when he has been sectioned)

He does know me (I go in everyday). Of course he just knows me as a person who brings him chocolate and gives him a hand massage everyday-but at least it's something.I phoned the SW yesterday to ask how he was getting on with finding Pete a specialist care home.He admitted he hadn't done anything yet!!!!Pete, apparently was near the top of his list of things to do!!!

So today I was very tearful when I visited but the staff led me into a side room and comforted me.That guilt monster is firmly settled on my shoulders.I asked what would happen at the end of Pete's section in just over a week's time.They said he would gon to section 3 or another deprivation of liberties.
It doesn't need to be said that I'm heartbroken.

The afternoon improved somewhat as I met up with fellow TPer Sah.A decent sandwich and a couple of coffees later -and neither of us openly cried. Dignity prevailed.Went home and phoned MHU. Pete has been asleep most of the afternoon-but talking to himself.

My poor darling Pete. Life is so unfair for him.

Hope you have all had ok days.

Lyn T

 

[Grannie G]

It`s so tough for you to live with Lyn. I am very sorry.

 

[bemused1]

Lyn I feel so bad for you. This is just the cruelest thing for both of you. Poor Pete maybe he is in a more peaceful place(in his head) but for you the pain goes on. Try not to feel guilty you have done everything in your power

 

[Big Effort]

Hi Lyn,

Your post reminds me that lots of people here are pushed beyond all limits, and yet they keep on delivering, because they love their person.

I do not know how you manage. After all my acting out and displays of how to the fore my reptilian brain is..... well, your post makes calm, dignified reading. I thank you for that.

Not a religious person, but I am getting evidence of the Universal Life Force. Good things can happen and they do. So I am going to hold Pete and you in mind while I meditate and ask that things work out much better than you dare hope. We want Pete to be safe, content, and settled in the perfect place for him. Life has been unfair to him, so perhaps its his turn to get trumps rather than the joker. I am working on Great Outcomes, Lyn.

You are doing so well. Be proud. Pete would be amazed, I am sure. Make sure you remind yourself of how you have coped in the most difficult of circumstances. Have a nice relaxing evening. love BE

 

[Saffie]

Lyn, you have been through so much with your Pete, I really do feel for you and the heartache you are going through.I know you will say that Pete is suffering and yes, I know he is but so are you. Do take care of yourself. I hope you hear from the SW that he has actually moved forward with finding a place for Pete. love and sympathy xxx

 

[Helen33]

Dear Lyn,

This is such a difficult road and I am so pleased that you were able to have a little time out with Sah.A.

Wishing you well Lyn as you tread the path in front of you.

Love and a (HUG)

 

[garnuft]

It's a hard path you and Pete are on LYN T, I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be.
It's good to hear you met up with Sah, coffee and sympathy is just as good, if not better, than tea and sympathy.
How is Billy the dog doing? I hope he is a comfort and friend to you too.

 

[Pross]

Near the top of the list of things to do? I wonder you didn't commit murder there and then. Though I doubt if you've got the energy for such drastic action. Heartfelt sympathy and I so hope the SW gets his finger out and does something useful.
Why are we women so quick to feel guilt? Refuse to carry that burden, you haven't earned it I'm quite sure.
Big hug. Pross.

 

[LYN T]

Thanks for all of your support.

BE thanks for thinking of us during your meditation, all good vibes needed.

Garnuff -Billy the dog is doing fine now that P is not around him.He's more relaxed and no longer following me closely round the home.

Pross I'm going to wait until next week before I kill the SW-I like to give people a chance to redeem themselves!!

The staff at the MHU have told me P's SW is one of the best! I've always liked him but he probably thinks that P is no longer a priority as he is with caring, experienced staff.

Some people have told me to phone the SW's everyday, others have said don't rush him as he may just push me in the direction of the first CH that becomes available.

What worries me most is that P goes to a CH which is not geared up to deal with his complex needs and everything comes crashing down.

I must try not to look for problems before they have arrived.Easier said than done.

Thanks all

Have peaceful evenings

Lyn T

 

[Rosie Webros]

Oh Lyn, I do feel for you, you are really going through the mill at the moment. Beep Beep Social workers!! I won't bore you with the problems we had with social workers. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you have always done the best you can. You must try and think of yourself a little. I am glad you had a nice time with a fellow TP'er, you deserved it. All the best Rosie xx

 

[LYN T]

Thanks Grannie G, Helen33 and Bemused1.

Saffie I hope you don't mind me asking-how long did it take for SS's to find your OH a CH/NH.I know you live in nearby Hants and if I'm right that is not a good area for SS's

Thanks all

Lyn T

 

[Saffie]

Lyn, I don't mind you asking at all. I have to confess that I didn't know that Hampshire wasn't a good area for SSs - hadn't heard that - but my SWs were very helpful to me. I did my own Nursing homes research though whilst Dave was in the community hospital for nearly 6 months. The SW gave me the county book with all the homes in and I visited about 14 all told.

In the end Dave was on Delayed Discharge and I had to make a decision quickly but the SW actually found a place in the home I had said I liked all along which is a HCC run home at the edge of the forest. When I visited, there was a waiting list but a place came up and she tagged it for Dave. I have to say that I haven't really regretted it - it's not perfect and I've had the odd blip here and there but on the whole it's fine. Dave was self- funding or a while but now the LA are contributing a little.

Good luck with your home search. I hope the SW finds somewhere you like.

 

[Helen33]

What worries me most is that P goes to a CH which is not geared up to deal with his complex needs and everything comes crashing down.

I must try not to look for problems before they have arrived

Good morning Lyn,

I remember the time that I used to take for granted that all the professionals knew what they were doing and would automatically do what was best for Alan. I was a quick learner and soon discovered that this was not the case at all

I think your worry is a very valid one and the last thing that Pete or you need is for Pete to be placed somewhere that his complex needs can't be met. I think it might be a good idea to speak this out to the SW from the outset. It will enable to SW to know that you are on the ball so to speak.

My experience was that I needed to look ahead and see potential problems and make sure that these were addressed as the consequences of mistakes to Alan's wellbeing would have been catastrophic!!

I wish you well and can only hope that a really suitable place is found.

Love

 

[Mufti]

hi lyn

Just caught up with your posts Lyn - can only imagine how you are feeling - just sending you lots of love mufti x

 

[Big Effort]

Morning Lyn,

It looks as if you are thinking very clearly and you will be there to ensure best possible outcomes for your dear Pete:

What worries me most is that P goes to a CH which is not geared up to deal with his complex needs and everything comes crashing down.

You already have an action plan: to find the best place for him and insist he gets it.

And Helen expresses it so well:

I remember the time that I used to take for granted that all the professionals knew what they were doing and would automatically do what was best for Alan. I was a quick learner and soon discovered that this was not the case at all

I think your worry is a very valid one and the last thing that Pete or you need is for Pete to be placed somewhere that his complex needs can't be met. I think it might be a good idea to speak this out to the SW from the outset. It will enable to SW to know that you are on the ball so to speak.

My experience was that I needed to look ahead and see potential problems and make sure that these were addressed as the consequences of mistakes to Alan's wellbeing would have been catastrophic!!

So your action plan is starting to take shape already.
Wishing that everything falls into place with ease. Still meditating! Hugs BE

 

[LYN T]

I'v spoken to the SW who assured me that P will only be placed in a care setting that meets his needs.The SW did in fact visit P and he was convinced that P's anxiety and changing moods makes him unsuitable for an ordinary CH setting.He needs EMI where he will get higher carer/patient ratio.At the moment the MHU where he is placed is not full so he always has someone reassuring him. They are so kind there.They haven't made me feel guilty at all about the decision to find Pete residential care. (Not that I had a choice).I visit everyday at lunchtime as P forgets to eat and needs constant prompting.I also give P a face and hand massage everyday to keep him calm. Sometimes he recognises me-sometimes not. When he doesn't a kind nurse always reminds him who I am and he smiles quite often.

If only I could pick the staff and P up and put them in a care home setting!!!!I would be really relieved.

SW told me that EMI places are limited so P could be in the MHU for some time.TRhis friday is the end of his section 2 (28 days) so it will be either deprivation of liberties or section 3.I've no idea as to who sorts that one out.

Have a good day everyone

Lyn T

 

[Helen33]

Good morning Lyn,

Thank you for posting an update. I hope it has helped you to have spoken to the SW and have reassurance that Pete will be found a place that will meet his needs.

The older I get, the more I dislike change. I especially disliked change when things were working well for Alan as it all seemed so threatening. I can understand you wishing you could take the care staff with Pete when he eventually moves. There are some wonderful care homes out there Lyn and I will keep hoping that the next place is even better at meeting Pete's needs.

I do hope that you have some lovely moments today to help cheer the spirit.

Love