Hello all, i know this is going to make me sound selfish, but i just cannot bear visiting my beloved mother anymore. Shes had vascular dementia for 3 years and her main problem has been depression , although physically fit and young for her age, ( 77 ), she just will not leave the house ! She has always been a heavy smoker and now just chain smokes from when she gets up. She only uses 1 room in the house, a small one and never open windows or doors. So when i get there after work its just awful and i come out feeling completly ill. Ive always supported her and will continue to do so, but i feel as if my own health is being put at risk. What can i do ?,as i know its all she has to do. i dread every day as i can only go after work when its really bad . It also saddens me that shes not enjoying life anymore. Her friends still visit ( smokers ) I dont even bother anymore telling her of her own health risks, she just says whats the point. The money she spends on them is completely horrendous, literally most of her income.Sorry for sounding selfish, i am a caring daughter really. Does anyone else have this problem ?
smoking
- Thread starter LMS51
- Start date
Hi, I don`t think you are being selfish at all. Does mum have any support from anyone other than yourself who could chat with mum, ie a friendly member of the community mental health team,or a nurse. I have just started using an electronic cigarette, they are pretty realistic, might be worth a shot.
Best wishes for now.
Best wishes for now.
before my mother got ill I stopped smoking and she was still a heavy smoker..it made visits to her by me difficult as I asked for one of her two downstairs rooms to be non smoking when I came and she was incensed and felt it was her home etc etc and refused... when she came to visit me I said "do smoke" but she played the martyr and wouldnt!!!...however when she got ill and dementia crept up on her she was still smoking and what got to me was my clothes and hair smelling of smoke...but I decided life was short and I wasn't going to let ciggarettes drive such a wedge between us, so on visiting her I wore oldish clothes that I knew I would wash on getting home, plus my hair...and that was it...after her spell in hospital for 8weeks my mother stopped smoking.
So I guess what I am saying is your mother chooses to smoke..so be it..I think you have a right to insist on a smoke free room when you visit..if not then it is a case of accepting smoke in small amounts for love!
So I guess what I am saying is your mother chooses to smoke..so be it..I think you have a right to insist on a smoke free room when you visit..if not then it is a case of accepting smoke in small amounts for love!
thanks everyone i know i need to do more with her instead of just moaning, and its really really not my clothes and hair i worry about its my Lungs !! I come away with my chest tight and a sore throat and thats after a few hours. Have thought about an electronic cig but she would probably try to light it ! The key is getting her to do more, not easy as you all know. Thanks all x
Passive smoke
Don,t worry about watered down cig smoke,your mum has for years been inhaling concentrated amounts of the stuff like myself,there is a lot of Propoganda about second hand smoke,look up Passive smoke fraud to learn the truth, but stale smoke does leave an after smell.
Don,t worry about watered down cig smoke,your mum has for years been inhaling concentrated amounts of the stuff like myself,there is a lot of Propoganda about second hand smoke,look up Passive smoke fraud to learn the truth, but stale smoke does leave an after smell.
ticktock................
hi. i am new to this site so dont know how it all works but when i read this post i could not believe how i could have written it myself, exactly, to the last word. i so know what you mean and so understand.
hi. i am new to this site so dont know how it all works but when i read this post i could not believe how i could have written it myself, exactly, to the last word. i so know what you mean and so understand.
For myself- I wouldn't be able to visit if my mom smoked, especially in a closed room! I'd be physically ill after 3 minutes in there. That must be so difficult.
Could you go in, open the window wide and use an electric fan to blow the smoke out of the room? I know that doesn't stop her smoking while you're there but perhaps it could make you a bit more comfortable at least.
Could you go in, open the window wide and use an electric fan to blow the smoke out of the room? I know that doesn't stop her smoking while you're there but perhaps it could make you a bit more comfortable at least.
