Dear Pross,
These are very trying and unrewarding times for you. It would be easy enough to put an elderly person into disposable underwear, and keep them busy with this and that, but when it is someone we love, someone who we are intimate with, the hurting becomes great.
My current observation is that it is the Emotional Pain that sucks out the energy. Both hubby and I are exhausted at the moment, and we are both grieving (again!?), as, in reality, nothing that is going on is more difficult than previously. The only contrete advise I can come up with here, is to observe yourself very carefully, notice what tasks and what situations really get to you....... as these are likely to be the ones that tip the balance and grab all your attention and wind up loads of resistence and distress.
Also I am in the midst of reading Mary Newport's book on stopping Alzheimers, and she refers a lot to neurodegenerative diseases (so dementia, Parkinsons, and others) as 'starving brains'...... and there your husband is munching all the sweets he can find. Many researchers are making this insulin resistence - brain die-off link.
I noticed this desire to eat sweet stuff, cake, biscuits, sweets and more sweets with Mum. Stupidly I put it down to 'old age' as Dad did this too. Interestingly Dad took 5 spoons of sugar in his tea after a big stroke...... we thought his tastebuds had taken a hit..... could it be a starved brain as the brain tries to repair itself after injury? Oddly, my brother who had an aneurysm burst in early January woke up and demanded icecream and jelly, and has a huge cache of wine gums. Not odd until you discover my brother HATES anything sweet and hadn't eaten a sweet or tasted a dessert in 30 years.
However, as with diabetes, sugar isn't the answer to an insulin-starved body, but the cause. Mary Newport worked with premature babies and noticed they were given medium-chain triglicerides for optimum brain development..... when she discovered a company that were trialing coconut oil esthers as a cure for dementia with success, she tried it on her husband. The rest is history. He has early onset Alz, but she has successfully hindered its progress using coconut oil. I have been using it on Mum and observe improvement in two key areas: her attention span and new found ability to read again, and her hand-writing, she can now write letters again.
Reading of your husband's proclivity for sugar..... well, it made me think. My biggest regret for Mum is I didn't start her on the coconut oil regime four years ago (think Guilt!!), as I knew about it, but is sounded too simplistic.
On a more instantly practical note, next time he has time to himself in the car, why not supply him with a 'rummage box'. Mum sorts through family photos, writes on the back of them, makes plans of what to do with them..... lots of busy time. You could put together a box or old biscuit tin, with a few things he knows well, to examine, seed packets if he is a gardener, you know the idea, and perhaps one or three sweets buried amidst the booty just to tempt him to get started. This might save your items from being picked apart. Sounds like your husband might like a few technical things thrown in (remote controls etc can be got for free from waste recycling places).
Good luck. And watch what sucks you in emotionally, and learn to distance yourself by stopping those depressing thoughts before they drain you. Love BE
