Having tradespeople in the home

[di65]

It is going to be a very long week next week I feel. After putting it off for quite some years, the time has come that we MUST repaint our living area. I have started to clear the books from bookshelves, and generally clearing everything that may get knocked over or paint splashed out of the room. Although I explain continually what is happening in response to the questions, I still find things put back, or have 'discussions' about why has this or that been put in the spare bedroom. I know that disruption to normal routines is not ideal, but this maintenance just has to be carried out. I had intended to take my AD husband out for a few hours each day whilst the decorators were here, but he now refuses to leave them on their own. "They may need a hand/ they might take my tools" - etc etc.
How do I handle this without upsetting him further, or without turning to the bottle

 

[Izzy]

Oh dear that's very hard. We've been having a lot of work done in the house recently. I'm fortunate in that my husband has been accepting of the workmen and has liked to check on them and tell them they're doing a grand job! Is there any chance you could get him out before they arrive? Sorry. Not much help!

 

[itsmeagain]

Go out some place with him, tell him they are not coming today, so we are going out. It may well work, problem solved.

 

[Izzy]

The other thing I have done is to have organised work to be done while we are away on holiday. I realise this is not practical or possible for some but it works for me just now. We are going away today and workmen are due to arrive just before we leave. Bill should be in be in the car at the back of the house by then. We're having a mobility shower put in and I've given the company our key so they will do the work while we are away at the beginning of June.

 

[di65]

Hi Izzy & itsmeagain

Unfortunately I will have to be there whilst the work is being done - at the beginning at least, as I have to confirm colours etc. I have explained as best I can to the tradespeople, but as you know, if someone isn't used to dealing with the affects of AD, life can get difficult. I guess I can think of an excuse to take him out, but his stress levels go up if he doesn't think he is in control. His current obsession is that everyone is out to steal all his things, which will make leaving the house difficult. That bottle is looking very inviting - maybe I will give it to him instead. Sorry - that sounds very irreverant, but I tend to try to make light of most things these days - it helps me stay sane

 

[di65]

night night

it's getting close to bedtime over here in NZ, so will check back again tomorrow. I am out for a couple of hours with our youngest grand-daughter (2) tomorrow, a welcome time-out with my Inner Wheel Club ladies. A cuppa and natter will be appreciated

 

[1954]

You sound like you deserve the break x

 

[Dagne]

I don’t know whether a brief spell of respite care while the work is carried out might be appropriate? Good luck with it!

 

[rajahh]

My husband too hates workmen in the house.

He constantly inspects what they are doing, and questions how long it has taken them, he has no idea of current costs either and gets close to abusive when the bill is produced.

I do not have advice really only fellow feeling.

Jeannette

 

[jaymor]

My husband for the last 5 years he was at home was adament that he could do everything that needed doing. Before Alzheimers this was correct. To keep the peace we did try but everything he touched was a disaster so things were worse than before he began. There was no way he would have had someone in to do the jobs.

Any small job was done while he was at daycare. When he went in to the asessment unit I got the builders in to renew three garden walls. The work had to be done within three weeks before he came home. They really worked well and managed to do other building work that popped up as it does when you start something big. When I returned from the unit having been told my husband would never be able to come home because of the care he needed, the three builders sat down with me and had a cup of tea, said all the right things, then one said they would do everything they could to help me but would it be alright if they slowed down a bit. I had to smile. I then added to their work by asking them to do so many more jobs for me and now our home is back to how it was 7 years ago. All jobs done and all problems sorted. It is amazing what we can accept and what we can ignore around us while we care for someone suffering dementia.

Jay

 

[FifiMo]

Could you perhaps give your husband some very important jobs to do. Do you have a DIY place near you? I am thinking of lots of those paint swatches. A few tester pots and a board or piece of wood for him to try them out on. Put on his old painting clothes and let him feel part of the action. You could also sit and discuss colours with him from the paint swatches and help keep him occupied.

Fiona

 

[di65]

Thanks everyone

I will try to get him to take an active part, but he usually makes things worse not better. Whilst out this morning, one of the ladies offered to get her husband to take him out for the day one day this week, so that should help. On the subject of my morning out, I had a lovely time - so did my grand-daughter - so many ladies to talk to!!! Our eldest son took his Dad out for a drive to a nearby town as he had a quick job to do there, so I didn't have to worry about what he would get up to on his own. Unfortunately, he got home before me, and had got the stand for the player piano rolls back out from the spare bedroom and filled it back up again (I had removed it from the room prior to the painting work). I was then told very angrily "never to touch 'his' stuff again - I should have known better". He has now - on his own decision - taken it all to our bedroom Ah - such is life! . My problems are small in comparison to other peoples - I admire all carers of the people with this awful illness. If I could have my "old husband' back for just two days a week, I could probably cope with the other five

 

[Rageddy Anne]

My sympathies too... How awful it must be for anyone with Dementia to see their home invaded by strangers, and their things moved about! No wonder they get agitated and indignant.

I'd love to get people in to help with house and garden work, but my husband resists with all his might! So we're getting more and more shabby. He used to do things so well....no wonder he can't bear seeing someone else doing it.

Good luck....

 

[di65]

Day one

Day one with the painters went well. I had had a word with them so that they knew the background, and they were great. They got him to help put the protector sheets out, and any other task they needed that could involve him. Of course he asked them the same questions over and over, but on the whole it went well. Day two has arrived, along with it two grand-daughters who are off school with a tummy bug. He adores his grand-children, so they are a great distraction.