I feel I can't carry on

[small]

actually wolfsgirl that might work. My only thought was to get my son to take the car during the night, but as my son said, he'd call the police!

with regard to listening to ANYONE especially the doctor, he has an answer for everything and everyone - not a rational one but he sounds so forceful and convincing, he does actually make people nervous (including his last psychiatrist). He had a very high powered job, and he's always had a bombastic authoritarian manner. I would describe him as a professional arguer.

Everyone tells me I should leave the house without him more, and I do now walk out if he starts getting out of hand (sometimes 2 or 3 times a day! My trouble is I pity hm when he's been alone , he gets so lonely and confused. Everyone says I'm too soft with him, and I see him turn on me without a qualm, but its hard to break the "conditioning " of a 45 year marriage.

I will carry on thinking about you suggestion re the daycare.

Thanks

Jackie

 

[Moonflower]

I do feel for you. It was the same with my father who had vascular dementia - he was bombastic and remained quite articulate - it meant that professionals tiptoed around him, his GP was very reluctant to risk telling him not to drive, for example. It shouldn't work that way but it did.

Please get help, he won't like it - respite or day care - but he isn't happy now, is he? You need to take care of yourself.

 

[Wolfsgirl]

Please do as College Girl says also - you have to keep strong to keep going otherwise what will the result be!!! Read her story about her poor Mum - there is only so long you can remain in the front line without a break.

I do understand your compassion towards him but from what you have said about his nature, until he moves on to the next stage, he will be worst than most. You must have some respite or he won't have your help and understanding at all.

You are already having to leave him alone whilst you escape for a little, if he goes for respite he would not be alone and if you felt up to it, you could visit him? He would have the company of others. This would make you stronger and give you breathing space to think.

Please keep posting, will keep everything crossed for you!

 

[stillcaring]

A Great Lesson on Stress

A young lady confidently walked around the room with a raised glass of water
while leading a seminar and explaining stress management to her audience.
Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'Half empty or
half full?' She fooled them all. "How heavy is this glass of water?" she
inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz.She replied,
"The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer
I hold it, the heavier it becomes."She continued, "and that's the way it is
with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the
burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.""As with
the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before
holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Pick them up again tomorrow if you must[/QUOTE]


thank you so much for that quote! I too was sleepless last night worrying about many different things but tucked up in bed rather than on line. My mum isn't very far advanced in terms of the progress of the disease but I've been caring for her for 8 years so my glass of water isn't very heavy but I've been holding it a long long time. Now I feel less like a wimp for feeling at my wits' end.

 

[Luckygirl69]

Oh Small, sending you a big hug.
I remember my Granddad walking the streets in the early hours of the morning because he'd had enough of caring for my Nanna. He was dealing with a cancer diagnosis too bless him. We managed to get a lovely lady who used to come and sit with my nanna a couple of times a week so that my granddad could have a bit of respite. He used to go and put a couple of bets on the horses and do a bit of shopping and just get out of the house to catch his breath. My nanna was and fortunately still remains incredibly passive fortunately that is the one thing AD has not changed, it's taken everything else from her! I'm so pleased you've found TP and that you've taken the huge leap of moving closer to your family so that you have the support you greatly need. Keep talking and look after yourself too. I do hope that things settle down for you and your husband very soon. Take care and keep posting, it really helps x x x