Hi first day today and does anyone else get like this?

mary1978

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
2
0
Kent
I went to pick up my mum today, and rang her just before I left, as I usually do, to wait outside for me. She lives along a busy road and there is never anywhere to park, so I quickly double park and pick her up.

Anyway to cut a long story short, she wasn't there, had forgotten and was sitting down in her chair. Ended up quite stressful with traffic backed up while I was trying to get her attention. I've ended up getting quite irritable and annoyed with my mum for forgetting and not thinking, which I know is utterly ridiculous, as she can't help it.

Mum was in a 'funny' mood today, which some days she is and I am feeling shattered, so my patience is low. I wasn't able to brush it off today. I have a family with two children aged 5 and 11 who seem to be hormonal! We are in process of buying a house and getting married in Sep, for which I have set myself the task of making nearly everything (silly old me!)

Anyway, just looking for a little support or to talk to others who may go through this. I love my mum dearly, but she won't except help from anywhere else and my sister is the only other family. She is sectioned under a hospital order and this looks to be for a while.

Thank you for reading my ramblings xx
 

nimbus11

Registered User
Apr 22, 2011
79
0
Hampshire
I went to pick up my mum today, and rang her just before I left, as I usually do, to wait outside for me. She lives along a busy road and there is never anywhere to park, so I quickly double park and pick her up.

Anyway to cut a long story short, she wasn't there, had forgotten and was sitting down in her chair. Ended up quite stressful with traffic backed up while I was trying to get her attention. I've ended up getting quite irritable and annoyed with my mum for forgetting and not thinking, which I know is utterly ridiculous, as she can't help it.

Mum was in a 'funny' mood today, which some days she is and I am feeling shattered, so my patience is low. I wasn't able to brush it off today. I have a family with two children aged 5 and 11 who seem to be hormonal! We are in process of buying a house and getting married in Sep, for which I have set myself the task of making nearly everything (silly old me!)

Anyway, just looking for a little support or to talk to others who may go through this. I love my mum dearly, but she won't except help from anywhere else and my sister is the only other family. She is sectioned under a hospital order and this looks to be for a while.

Thank you for reading my ramblings xx

So sorry you are feeling like this, you are obviously overwhelmed at the moment, be a bit kinder to yourself, you do have a lot on your plate, perhaps should tell your mum how you are feeling and say that with the wedding coming up she would really be helping you by her accepting a bit of help from someone else. - just a suggestion.
 

Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
Hello Mary 1978. Welcome to Talking Point, I hope you find TP a huge source of support.

I am sorry to read about your mum, it can be frustrating but as you said she can't help it. Perhaps some form of reminder would help her, a note bythe door for instance. I am sure others will be along with some ideas.

I hope everything goes well with your wedding plans. It is too late to pass some tasks on to others. :)

Very best wishes to you all. X
 

Fellman

Registered User
Apr 16, 2009
33
0
Hay-on-Wye, POWYS
We ALL get like that. Caring for someone with dementia is the most challenging role any one can take on. People on this site don't just sympathize, we empathize. We've all been there in one way or another so we really do understand and feel with you.

I don't know where you are on your journey; new to it, part way? So I hesitate to start teaching you to suck eggs! I am almost at the end of my journey and had to learn how to cope the hard way.

As Nimbus11 has just said, be kind to yourself. Slow down, get support, off-load stuff and talk to everybody, don't keep it inside - oh - that's what you have just started to do!
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,927
0
Hi Mary,

Some days are so tough that it takes massive amounts of patience, and then some.
I think Fellman hit the nail on the head:

We ALL get like that. Caring for someone with dementia is the most challenging role any one can take on. People on this site don't just sympathize, we empathize. We've all been there in one way or another so we really do understand and feel with you.

I am like that today. Mum, the most amazing, talented gardener, is creating havoc in the garden. Hacking down her prize artichokes (some ancient variety only she has), digging holes in the lawn because I told her to dig up the dandelions, and tramping over the newly dug earth (as I try vainly to plant her beloved collection of dahlias).

Sometime distraction helps. I put my daughter's iPod in my bra, earplugs in ears, and really enjoyed her music - while I dug. Today I couldn't handle any more repetition, complaining ("the dogs are on the dug earth" while she herself tramps all over it!!!), telling me how to do it, while I know she can't tell a slug from a butterfly or a weed from a precious lily.

So..... good to have you here. You can learn a lot, let off steam, and cry when it is sad and hopeless. Others will help you and listen, and soon you'll be supporting others too. We are all experts and newbies simultaneously. Experts at what we have already experienced, and floored by new descents and chaos and evidence of dementia.

Chin up, and give yourself a pat on the back. Your Mum is a lucky woman - and you, like me, are learning to be patient under extreme provocation. Turn up the music, lads...... can you hear me singing along? It is better by far for both of us than arguing!

Big hugs, BE
 

Il Gufo

Registered User
Feb 27, 2013
203
0
Hi Mary1978, Yes, is the answer to your question of does anyone else get like this? :eek:
I used to call my Mum 10 minutes before going down to pick her up, and say 'put your shoes and coat on, and walk down to the gate,' (she lives in a gated cul-de-sac of assisted houses). Then about 12 months ago, she was never down by the gate, and I would park up and walk up to her door. She would either just be getting her things on, but as time went on, she would be in the middle of something totally different when I got there. At first I used to scold her and say, "Look Mum, I'm in a rush, we need to be wherever in 10 minutes etc", but it was as if she has no concept of time. Of course, since Mum's diagnosis earlier this year, I realise she truly does have no concept of time, and this was happening ages before her actual diagnosis. So now I don't call her first, I just go 10 minutes before we actually need to leave hers. I think it just used to confuse her when I rang, as once she put the phone down she would get distracted by something else. More difficult for you to adopt this method because of the parking issue, but just wanted to sympathise with you xx
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
Hi Mary 1978

Welcome to TP you will find it a huge support forum

Is it completely impossible to park off the busy road some where or is that a silly question? As that may make is slightly less stressful as your mother is very unlikely to remember you are coming never mind the time. The more stressed I am with my MIL the more agitated she becomes (or funny mood as you say). So that's why I mention alternative parking may help with stress levels. No doubt with young children you are under an enormous pressure time wise :mad:

Have you only got your sister (who is sectioned) and no one else to support you with all this?

You are doing a grand difficult job there so well done

Kairen :(
 

mary1978

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
2
0
Kent
Thank you for your replies

I am fairly new to this. My mum has had dementia for a couple of years I'd say, but over the last year it got worse. She is doing well though really as there has been a lot of stress for her, with my sister, which does seem to have made it a little worse.

Unfortunately my mum does live near the town, so all the roads around her get choc-a-block with people parking for work and town. So I do end up driving round for what seems an age trying to find somewhere to park and if she can manage to wait outside, it does make life a bit easier. She has been really good with this in the past and maybe I should give her a couple of rings, the final one to see if she's outside or not!

I can see from all your replies that flexibility is the key, being able to adapt and being creative with solutions.

Unfortunately we don't have much help around. My mum has her lovely sister but she lives up near Spalding in Lincs and we live down in Kent. She does have a sister in the same town, but I'mm afraid to say she doesn't show much interest, although to be honest I haven't actually straight out asked her for help. She also has a friend she used to meet for coffee every Sat, but this is dwindling out. She has acute arthiritis and her two children are not well, one with MS and the girl has all sorts of mental health issues. I know she finds it hard as my mum can't hold a conversation anymore. When we move, I am going to invite her to our house as access is easy for her and then I can help keep the conversation going with my mum.

We have been lucky enough to find a house that can accommodate my mum too, so although this may bring some issues with having mum living with us, the living apart problems will be solved!

Thank you so much for reading and responding and your experiences and advice. It's much appreciated xx
 

Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
Good luck ,Mary, I hope it all works out well for you. :)

Remember TP is here whenever you feel a need to share.

Very best wishes to you all xx