Should you feel GUILTY When......

worriedson1

Registered User
Jan 30, 2012
1,837
0
You "Snap" at the person you care for with dementia??.

I came in the the house, made emy mum's soup and she was eating it and i was in the kitchen and i head ann "oh no" and i ran and she had spilled some of the soup onto the tray and she went and got cloth and wiped it then i put it in the kitchen then i head another "oh no" and she thought it was soup that spilled on to the couch but it was just a paper that fell on the couch and i got ratty rather loudly:(:( and said to her to just sit down and eat, to have her dinner and she started crying and said i was shouting and said she wanted to die and to be with her mum.

Arrrgh i feel feel a right dick.

So SHOULD you feel gulity??.


Sorry clicked on the wrong icon, was meant to be the question mark one.
Mum ok now.:)
 

Shash7677

Registered User
Sep 15, 2012
1,671
0
Nuneaton, warwickshire
For me there is no point getting annoyed with a dementia sufferer. They don't mean to do what they do, to your mum the paper was soup, she was doing what was natural to her and trying to mop it up. What's happened toda isn't serious but shows maybe you could do with some extra help.

My mum this week had been shouting her mouth of at everyone. Have I shouted back? No. Mum has AD, she knows why she is shouting and who she is shouting at, she can't tell us, it's frustrating so you just try and distract her or I just ignore her until she calms down.

You can't help snapping I realise that, the life of a carer is a difficult one. However, if you are feeling more and more stressed then maybe increase the level of help you already have. You have to be fair not only to your mum but to yourself as well.

Sharon
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,837
0
England
Should - must - ought

Should - must - ought - banish these from your thoughts. :(

Who says you should do something? Guilt is a negative feeling. How does it help you, or your mum, to feel guilty? Only when it helps you to decide that you will learn from a mistake, not when it makes you feel inadequate.

We all know how much you love and care for your mum. Just say "Oh, b***er, more wiping up to do, what the he**". It's only a tray, it's only a couch, mum is not hurt. It's annoying, and that's why you get cross, but it's not really important and she won't remember it. She'll be pleased that she had the meal you provided for her; that's the important thing.

Guilt should be reserved for something really serious. I've read so many of your posts and you are the most caring and loving of sons, doing the very best for your mum and occasionally going out and getting a bit rat-*sed to relieve the tension, like we all do. It is in your nature to ask permission for your feelings, as you often do on TP, so that's OK; you know your friends here will continue to give you permission to be human, not perfect.

Katrine x
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
0
Whether you should or you shouldn't, most kind-hearted people do.

I wonder, what is the recipe for the soup you made?

I'm into homemade soup at the moment , so I would love to learn some new ones. ;)
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,699
0
We just finished off some potato, carrot and leek soup I made the other day, mums friend (she is 88) loves it as well so I always make more than I would usually do.
 

tomkitten16

Registered User
Sep 24, 2012
342
0
merseyside
hey worriedson- we all snap.This week in the CH mum refused to have her hair washed- she looked a right ragamuffin- I was cross and told her she needs to get her hair washed as it looks messy.She looked crestfallen and I felt awful!! We all snap and we all feel guilty as we are only human.Don't be hard on yourself Lorraine x
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
Let me share that guilt monster.

I got REALLY ratty last night.Another night with alarms going off as hubby wouldn't stay in bed.Managed 3 hours sleep.Tried to be cheerful and went round to friend's house for lunch. On the way home I nearly had an accident-my fault entirely I was just so tired I wasn't concentrating.

I'm going to be good tonight as I'm sure he won't sleep again.I think P is going manic again with his bi-polar.

Oh well-I'm going to find the match sticks!
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,993
0
72
Dundee
I'll join the club tonight. I just snapped at Bill because he insisted on crunching 2 pills instead of swallowing them. It's easily done WS.
 

Claire

Registered User
Mar 31, 2004
88
0
Coventry
Hi Worriedson _ I should think that most of us on this forum have done the same - I certainly did, and then felt terrible as a result. We are all human and sometimes it is all too easy to get irritable with our loved ones' habits and behaviour. No-one can doubt that you love your mum, and I'm sure that includes your mum herself. Cut yourself some slack and try to relax, hard though that is. We all know the guilt monster.

Take care

Claire
 

Norfolkgirl

Account Closed
Jul 18, 2012
514
0
You "Snap" at the person you care for with dementia??.

I came in the the house, made emy mum's soup and she was eating it and i was in the kitchen and i head ann "oh no" and i ran and she had spilled some of the soup onto the tray and she went and got cloth and wiped it then i put it in the kitchen then i head another "oh no" and she thought it was soup that spilled on to the couch but it was just a paper that fell on the couch and i got ratty rather loudly:(:( and said to her to just sit down and eat, to have her dinner and she started crying and said i was shouting and said she wanted to die and to be with her mum.

Arrrgh i feel feel a right dick.

So SHOULD you feel gulity??.


Sorry clicked on the wrong icon, was meant to be the question mark one.
Mum ok now.:)

I read your post with tears welling up.......I was in that situation myself before mum went into care home.
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
I have unfortunately snapped when I am not expecting something or just very very tired. And yes I always feel guilty. I THINK though I am getting better at not snapping by just agreeing with everything MIL says and I go with the flow as it were

Being guilty does serve not use but we are human as others have said. And this horrible illness.................argh............:eek::eek::(:eek:
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
Being guilty does not serve any use is what I meant to say!!! Maybe exhausted already and the day has just began:eek:
 

SWMBO1950

Registered User
Nov 17, 2011
2,076
0
Essex
I had a ratty lunch time today with my mum - I am tired and she is on antibiotics for cellulitis - again - so today is 3 visits instead of 2 and I have so much to do at home including her washing and ironing. However I have to get over it :eek:

Have you thought of putting mums soup in a mug then she can 'drink it' instead of using a spoon?
 

SWMBO1950

Registered User
Nov 17, 2011
2,076
0
Essex
Never a truer word spoken!



I have unfortunately snapped when I am not expecting something or just very very tired. And yes I always feel guilty. I THINK though I am getting better at not snapping by just agreeing with everything MIL says and I go with the flow as it were

Being guilty does serve not use but we are human as others have said. And this horrible illness.................argh............:eek::eek::(:eek:
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
138,109
Messages
1,993,071
Members
89,775
Latest member
Andrew Fargher