My John
- Thread starter bucko
- Start date
so sorry
So very sorry for your loss June. It is hard to lose the one who you held so dear to your heart.
Sue.
So very sorry for your loss June. It is hard to lose the one who you held so dear to your heart.
Sue.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my sincere condolences.
Wishing you courage and strength for the future xx
Wishing you courage and strength for the future xx
Dear June,
I have only just heard that your lovely John has left this world. I am so sorry as I know how utterly devoted you are to him. It is very distressing to hear that his passing was not as you had envisaged because of the speed of events. It was the same when Alan died. It was nothing like it was supposed to be and quite nightmarish. I told myself there and then that I would never concentrate my mind on how bad it was. I have stuck to the pledge and it has helped me.
My deepest sympathies are sent to you June. You will be in my thoughts as you tread the path that now lays right before your feet.
Love
I have only just heard that your lovely John has left this world. I am so sorry as I know how utterly devoted you are to him. It is very distressing to hear that his passing was not as you had envisaged because of the speed of events. It was the same when Alan died. It was nothing like it was supposed to be and quite nightmarish. I told myself there and then that I would never concentrate my mind on how bad it was. I have stuck to the pledge and it has helped me.
My deepest sympathies are sent to you June. You will be in my thoughts as you tread the path that now lays right before your feet.
Love
Thank you all for your words of comfort and for all the support you have given me. This journey may have been far harder without it.
On reflection, I am so glad I gave up my job when I did because I have been able to have had some quality time with my John. 7 years to be exact since he was first diagnosed, aged 58. A Consultant in the hospital recently said to me he had never seen such a contented dementia patient before, who had so many other complex medical needs. He put this down to the excellent care and attention I'd given him. I put this down to trying so hard to avoid his frustrations. By defusing them , taking his mind off the current situation and saying or doing something think I knew he liked. After occasion like this it may have resulted in me locking myself in the bathroom, crying my eyes out, screaming and ranting to anyone who'd listen or just writing my thoughts and feelings down in either a poem or in my journal that I kept up religiously. One day when I am feeling stronger I may read them through ... I bet I will be horrified at what I may read. There are 19 of these journals. As I entered the last paragraph last night, I then lay down and sobbed for what I have lost.
All I can say to my dear friends here on TP who are still treading this journey is ... Do take as much support as is offered, do not leave it until you reach crisis point, like I did on many occasions. Try to live in the world of the cared for. Do try and join a club with others who are going through what you are and never be afraid to have a good rant now and again. Most importantly make the most of those special moments which maybe few and far between. Write them down to remind yourself of them. Cherish every moment you have.
I do regret all the times I've 'lost it' but one thing about this illness is these moments, I believe, are forgotten by your loved one quite quickly. After moments like this I used to give my John a big hug and kiss, apologise, and sometimes a small gesture from him would somehow let me know he still loved me. I just wish now these moments of losing it never happened.
The next journey I have to face is my life without my dearest, beloved friend and the most wonderful husband anyone could wish for. I had just under 40 years married for which i am so grateful. Already I am missing him so much. At the moment I am clutching his pillow just so I can still smell him. Its funny, I lay on his bed sobbing but somehow I feel close to him. Yesterday I picked up something of his, it was his comb, I had a little cry thinking no longer will I be able to run it through his hair. My grief is raw. I don't like shutting my eyes as I relive his last moments in my arms and it wasn't how I wanted him to go. Already I feel this enormous void and i'm thinking will it ever get any better. I've seen others who are learning to live with their loss, perhaps I will, but for this moment this seems as if it will never happen. Is am hurting so much.
Once again, thank you all, your kind words that mean so much to me.
June x
On reflection, I am so glad I gave up my job when I did because I have been able to have had some quality time with my John. 7 years to be exact since he was first diagnosed, aged 58. A Consultant in the hospital recently said to me he had never seen such a contented dementia patient before, who had so many other complex medical needs. He put this down to the excellent care and attention I'd given him. I put this down to trying so hard to avoid his frustrations. By defusing them , taking his mind off the current situation and saying or doing something think I knew he liked. After occasion like this it may have resulted in me locking myself in the bathroom, crying my eyes out, screaming and ranting to anyone who'd listen or just writing my thoughts and feelings down in either a poem or in my journal that I kept up religiously. One day when I am feeling stronger I may read them through ... I bet I will be horrified at what I may read. There are 19 of these journals. As I entered the last paragraph last night, I then lay down and sobbed for what I have lost.
All I can say to my dear friends here on TP who are still treading this journey is ... Do take as much support as is offered, do not leave it until you reach crisis point, like I did on many occasions. Try to live in the world of the cared for. Do try and join a club with others who are going through what you are and never be afraid to have a good rant now and again. Most importantly make the most of those special moments which maybe few and far between. Write them down to remind yourself of them. Cherish every moment you have.
I do regret all the times I've 'lost it' but one thing about this illness is these moments, I believe, are forgotten by your loved one quite quickly. After moments like this I used to give my John a big hug and kiss, apologise, and sometimes a small gesture from him would somehow let me know he still loved me. I just wish now these moments of losing it never happened.
The next journey I have to face is my life without my dearest, beloved friend and the most wonderful husband anyone could wish for. I had just under 40 years married for which i am so grateful. Already I am missing him so much. At the moment I am clutching his pillow just so I can still smell him. Its funny, I lay on his bed sobbing but somehow I feel close to him. Yesterday I picked up something of his, it was his comb, I had a little cry thinking no longer will I be able to run it through his hair. My grief is raw. I don't like shutting my eyes as I relive his last moments in my arms and it wasn't how I wanted him to go. Already I feel this enormous void and i'm thinking will it ever get any better. I've seen others who are learning to live with their loss, perhaps I will, but for this moment this seems as if it will never happen. Is am hurting so much.
Once again, thank you all, your kind words that mean so much to me.
June x
June you have written such a moving and eloquent post. For me it contains so much which resonates with my current situation and such very good advice for me. For this I thank you. I can't begin to know how you must feel, I can only imagine. I'll be thinking of you in the days and weeks to come. You are an amazing person. x
Dear June,
When I came to this bit tears sprang to my own eyes.
Your John was blessed in having you care for him and love him. I know what you mean about the times of losing it but in comparison to other times they are few and far between. I was always full of remorse and horror whenever it happened to me and I always hurried to TP to 'confess'. I hardly think about those times now but rejoice in that Alan had the best life possible under the circumstances
So did your John
It is far too soon to even think of this June. You will learn your way into it like everyone else has been forced to. I think that if you care for yourself as much as you cared for John, you will be blessed. For the moment there will be much to keep you busy. The funeral and family and paperwork.
You will remain in my thoughts as you face what each day brings.
Love and a (HUG)
When I came to this bit tears sprang to my own eyes.
Your John was blessed in having you care for him and love him. I know what you mean about the times of losing it but in comparison to other times they are few and far between. I was always full of remorse and horror whenever it happened to me and I always hurried to TP to 'confess'. I hardly think about those times now but rejoice in that Alan had the best life possible under the circumstances
So did your John It is far too soon to even think of this June. You will learn your way into it like everyone else has been forced to. I think that if you care for yourself as much as you cared for John, you will be blessed. For the moment there will be much to keep you busy. The funeral and family and paperwork.
You will remain in my thoughts as you face what each day brings.
Love and a (HUG)
What a testament to your love and devotion. I sit here with tears in my eyes too.
Through all you have written, your grief and sorrow are so obvious but what shines through is your love.
Please take comfort from the fact that your beloved was able to remain home with you, who knew him best, to care for him. Yes, you had frustrations and lost it occasionally, but you were able to reassure him when he was frightend and comfort him when he was sad and, as you say, distract him when that helped. What more could you ask of someone.
I am sure that my husband would wish for that and I would so like to be able to grant it. Your post has reinforced my belief that through everything, it would be best for him to be at home rather than in his nursing home.
Your journals must be so moving. I hope that one day, you will be able to read them and find some comfort within them. XXX
