Some of you will recall my history. Placed mum in Care home, she fell and broke her arm and leg.
So, it's been about 8 weeks since she moved in and I have noticed a decline in her . She is obviously more confused now and constantly asks to go back home to ***** (She mentions her street) When we visit, she constantly says, "Come on then, lets go!!!!" and is quite urgent in the way she says it. We are constantly changing the subject, trying to tell white lies to delay what she asks and then the next time we visit, it starts all over again.
The carers say sometimes she is settled so to speak and other times they can't get her to be. They try different floors where there are various lounges for residents, but sometimes there is no settling/pleasing her.
I find she is much more in need of affection and cuddles which I have not been used to. We were not a really a touchy feely family, but in every other way possible, we are so very close. The carers try their best, but if I'm honest some are quite young and some do understand part of dementia but not as much as on here. We have to make suggestions that we feel might help and sometimes it does and to be fair, they do listen.
So, my worry is this.....Last year, before all this happened, my husband wanted to book a holiday and so we did, to Egypt. We go in two weeks, for two weeks.. I am so scared to leave mum for this length of time and although we will have a mobile and the home can call us should anything happen, I just can't look forward to leaving her and don't know how I will cope. My husband tells me she will be fine and that we both are in need of a break and that I should relax and try to enjoy it. He says she is in a better place than when she was at home with carers coming in. Our last holiday involved calls every day to check she was ok and it was so hard to enjoy it.Thats was three years ago though.
Although she still knows me and my husband and isn't as far down the line as some people, she is definitely worse for being in a strange place and I feel so cruel for putting her there, even though I know she is physically safer than at home. I think it's the mental torment that makes me so sad, the fact that she is confused and gets upset and depressed a lot, even when we are there. I feel I have made this worse putting her into the home.
Can anyone advise what I can do on maybe a practical note, to try to reassure her we only on holiday, that's if she has any concept of time. I do wonder, as the carers say they try to reasure her we have visited, but she is adamant we have not....I'm so confused as to what she understands and what she doesn't and worry that if I go away for 14 days she will go rappidly down hill. I feel that somewhere in the back of her mind, our visits do help even if she doesn't remember, so if we don't visit for such a long period, will this make her worse. Maybe she does now live in the moment and if so will it make any difference if we don't see her for 14 days?
Oh, am I making any sense at all. Its so hard to put into words.
So, it's been about 8 weeks since she moved in and I have noticed a decline in her . She is obviously more confused now and constantly asks to go back home to ***** (She mentions her street) When we visit, she constantly says, "Come on then, lets go!!!!" and is quite urgent in the way she says it. We are constantly changing the subject, trying to tell white lies to delay what she asks and then the next time we visit, it starts all over again.
The carers say sometimes she is settled so to speak and other times they can't get her to be. They try different floors where there are various lounges for residents, but sometimes there is no settling/pleasing her.
I find she is much more in need of affection and cuddles which I have not been used to. We were not a really a touchy feely family, but in every other way possible, we are so very close. The carers try their best, but if I'm honest some are quite young and some do understand part of dementia but not as much as on here. We have to make suggestions that we feel might help and sometimes it does and to be fair, they do listen.
So, my worry is this.....Last year, before all this happened, my husband wanted to book a holiday and so we did, to Egypt. We go in two weeks, for two weeks.. I am so scared to leave mum for this length of time and although we will have a mobile and the home can call us should anything happen, I just can't look forward to leaving her and don't know how I will cope. My husband tells me she will be fine and that we both are in need of a break and that I should relax and try to enjoy it. He says she is in a better place than when she was at home with carers coming in. Our last holiday involved calls every day to check she was ok and it was so hard to enjoy it.Thats was three years ago though.
Although she still knows me and my husband and isn't as far down the line as some people, she is definitely worse for being in a strange place and I feel so cruel for putting her there, even though I know she is physically safer than at home. I think it's the mental torment that makes me so sad, the fact that she is confused and gets upset and depressed a lot, even when we are there. I feel I have made this worse putting her into the home.
Can anyone advise what I can do on maybe a practical note, to try to reassure her we only on holiday, that's if she has any concept of time. I do wonder, as the carers say they try to reasure her we have visited, but she is adamant we have not....I'm so confused as to what she understands and what she doesn't and worry that if I go away for 14 days she will go rappidly down hill. I feel that somewhere in the back of her mind, our visits do help even if she doesn't remember, so if we don't visit for such a long period, will this make her worse. Maybe she does now live in the moment and if so will it make any difference if we don't see her for 14 days?
Oh, am I making any sense at all. Its so hard to put into words.