Missing seniors

[HelenInBC]

There were 2 notices posted on facebook today from my area about elderly family members gone missing. Wandered away from home. Both have been missing a few days. Their family members are frantic. If I weren't stuck working I think I would drop everything to try to help them search.

This scares me so much since my mom lives alone.
The gerontologist tells me not to dwell on the "what ifs" because he says "incidents like this with dementia patients are rare"

Doesn't seem like it's rare to me

 

[Anongirl]

Hi HeleninBC. I feel physically sick when I read these awful stories of people going missing. It's a huge fear for me as my mum lives alone too. I'm always relieved when I hear her voice and know she's home.

I think we probably notice these things more because its a worry for us, we are more sensitive to it. I'd like to hope that these things are rare.

I remember crying to the memory clinic doctor that I was terrified that mum would lose concentration on the road and walk in front of a car and he said something similar. To not dwell on things like that because its unlikely to happen. I seem to be spending a lot of time worrying these days about things that might happen. It's so difficult not to isn't it? X

 

[HelenInBC]

It's so true. I spend so much time worrying about so many things about my mom:

-is she eating well or eating old food that has gone bad?
-is she incontinent and if so, does she clean herself properly and wash her clothes?
-is she wandering around the building at night?
-is she bothering people by calling them at all hours?
-is she lonely, scared, bored, sad?

..it goes on and on..

 

[Anongirl]

I find myself worrying about all sorts of things, big and small.

One of the things which is causing a lot of anxiety for me is your last point. Is she lonely, bored, sad or scared. I found myself ringing her constantly to check she was ok. If I wasn't ringing her I was thinking about her. I'm trying so hard to overcome this, for my own sanity. I now try just to ring her in the morning and then when I've finished work. I can't say I have truly overcome this yet and I don't think I ever will.

 

[DozyDoris]

There are lots of things on the market now that can help secure the safety of someone with dementia. There are fall alarms, door sensors, seat and bed sensors and gps. We have some of these for my Dad with a pager that alerts us but it can go through to a call center. Dad's dementia social worker referred us to a company. Dad lives with us but I know if he falls during the night I'll know so can sleep a little better. Do you live near your Mum?

 

[HelenInBC]

My mom was diagnosed with AD about 4 years ago now. At times, I was answering the phone every time she called, or calling her back immediately if I missed her calls. Now I listen to her voice messages and only call back if it's something that seems urgent. Most times if I answer the phone, she has already forgotten why she is calling, or if I call her back she doesn't know why she called.

For me, it works better to screen the calls. She has no memory of having called, so she doesn't get upset when I don't call back.

It's taken me time to realize all this, but I'm getting better at it. I still worry constantly though. It's very difficult to avoid, unless I'm distracted by something else or very busy....I worry

 

[HelenInBC]

Thanks for your reply Doris. I live about 30-40 minute drive from my mom. We don't seem to have any monitoring services here in my area. I've been doing some searching online...nothing comes up so far. I installed an alarm on her bedroom door for my daughter to set while she has been sleeping there.
This is just this past week, as we are trying to get an idea of how often she is up at night. It works well, but since she lives alone I really need something that is remotely monitored.

Guess I should start my own monitoring business!

 

[DozyDoris]

Ah yes I've just seen you're in Canada. The other thing we have in Dad's bedroom is an infra red camera which we have linked to our computers. It does not record but we can see what Dad's doing and you can get ones with audio too.
You can get GPS trackers that can link to your pc.
I'm sure someone will say it's in invasion of privacy

I've just picked this site at random but it's the kind of thing I am thinking of for a personal tracker.

You must be able to get kit that will ring through to a mobile phone I would think.

Also you could consider movement sensors so a camera would only come on at those times?

 

[HelenInBC]

I'm watching a current news story about an elderly man who went missing while visiting his son just a few blocks from where my mom lives. He went for a walk and hasn't been seen since...that was 4 days ago.

So sad and scary for his family. My heart breaks for them.

 

[FifiMo]

You might find this leaflet useful Helen,

http://www.alzheimerbc.org/getdoc/3...96416699856d/Disorientation-and-Dementia.aspx

Fiona

 

[HelenInBC]

Thanks for the link. Good information there.
My mom is registered with the Medic Alert Safely Home Program already and she has her bracelet on at all times, so that does give me some comfort.
Another good thing is that she is rather timid and a bit of a homebody. She goes for walks with her hired companion 5 days a week. They do the grocery shopping together and I don't think she actually goes anywhere by herself anymore...not that I'm aware of anyway.

I guess my worry is when I read about how people with AD start doing things that are so out of character for them. She's already started showing paranoid thinking, but for the most part seems to be herself in personality. I'm always watching for changes...