Sad and fed up

[Lainey 127]

Well it hasn't been a good day. Mum's talked rubbish all day bless her, I haven't had more than five minutes of sensible conversation from her all day. There's no way I can leave her on her own tonight.As reluctant as I am to admit it, she needs 24 hour care so I'm going to have to start staying with her overnight.
I really don't want to start staying over as I know I won't get much sleep. As much as I feel sorry for Mum I feel sorry for myself too because it' s going to mean huge upheaval for my family. My hubby isn't too thrilled with the idea of my staying away from home but there's no way we can afford night sitters.
I take my hat off to all of you amazing 24/7 carers on this forum. Going to bed down on the settee nownd try to get a few hours sleep. Wish me luck!

 

[minniemouse01]

Oh Lainey, I do feel for you and hope you do manage a few hours uninterrupted sleep. I dread the future when I may be in your position. Sending hugs.

M xx

 

[rafferty]

Well done I also dread when I will need oo do his

 

[bmw777]

how stressful . hope you get some shut eye ..
possibly get some ear plugs . you need your sleep to stay sain .
i wished i could give some useful advice .. but just wish you all the best .x

 

[garnuft]

I would begin to look at carehomes Lainey. That way you have a vague idea of what's out there.
24/7 isn't possible if you have a home and family elsewhere.

 

[Emsy]

Gosh what a massive amount you are taking on yourself!
You are one amazing woman to do what you are already doing without giving up your nights too!
I'm not surprised you feel sorry for yourself - you have a life & a family that you deserve to enjoy & is it really sustainable long term for you care 24/7 for your mum?
What you are doing is absolutely admirable but you must think about you too.
I agree with the other post that suggested it may be time to start looking at care homes.
You need to think what's best for all of you.
Hope you get some sleep & tomorrow is another day.
Hugs xx

 

[Lainey 127]

Thanks for all your kind comments, the situation's not so bleak as I have my sister to share the load with me. We're going to do it between us in 24 hour shifts so we both get every other day off to rest and be with our families.
We haven't ruled out care homes but it will be at least six months before we get Court of Protection order so we can sell Mums house. Maybe if we hit crisis point the CH will defer payment until Mums house is sold? I really don't know how it all works. It's all new to us and we're just finding our way around.
Wishing you all well xxx

 

[TheTextualHeale]

Practical things

Hi

I am a Deputy (for almost five years) so have some experience here.
You don't need COPA status to get your mother into a care home. A recommendation from Social services and /or her GP should suffice.
My father went into a care home while I was waiting to be appointed as Deputy and there was absolutely no problem with the local authority interim funding him. Even if you need to sell the house/flat to cover care fees they will cover this (against a guarantee on the property)...Don't wait for the paperwork from COPA - be pro-active here.

Nick

 

[kingmidas1962]

Deferred payments

My mum and dads family home has just gone on the market (dad is in care and mum has moved into sheltered extra care housing) and I have various forms to fill in to return to the council which means a deferred charge for their care will be placed on the property until such time as it is sold and the funds are released.

It doesn't seem overly complicated and I've found the LA very helpful in filling in these forms with me - they've been out to my home twice now to talk me through everything!