Hi,
I haven't posted for a while because life has been 'bimbling' along. I'll remind you of my circumstances; Dad has a terminal brain tumour, this has grown & he's about to start a 2nd line chemotherapy regime, we think he only has a few months left.
Mum has as yet undiagnosed dementia, she refused to go to her most recent psychogeriatric appointment, this was when I expected her to receive her diagnosis. Mum has become very anti me, I am an only child & have had to become very involved in their lives, being a nurse it has fallen to me to be fully aware of Dad's treatment, sort his medicatio & be much more in their lives than I ever have.
Mum has admitted to Dad that she is jealous of me & resents me because I am capable & competent. I have had to sort out many many crises, from ignored tax returns to uninsured & untaxed cars, missed appointments, unpaid bills etc etc.
Mum was originally from Scotland, she met Dad in Singapore in 1967 (they were both in the RAF). Unfortunately for Mum I came along in 1969, she never wanted & should never have had children (though I am kind of pleased she did!) To cut a long story short, we've never had the mother-daughter relationship I would have loved (& hope to have with my daughter), but we've got through it. She's only 66 & we think she's had & hidden her memory problems for the best part of a decade.
Whenever there's a blow up between her & Dad (& there are many of these), she says she's going to move to Scotland to what she calls her only family. She has a few cousins up there who she speaks to a few times a month. My fear is, that once she's on her own, she could try & go up there.
My question is, when she says she's going up to HER family (as she puts it), do I go along with it & change the subject as swiftly as possible? Do I tell her the blunt truth, which is that they don't want her landing on their doorstep (I have spoken to one cousin as I thought they should be aware of the situation & he made no encouraging noises about Mum visiting let alone moving there), they have their own lives & don't need or want an elderly relative with dementia to look out for. I've tried the 'don't you want to be around your daughter & grandchildren' tack, but she said we have our own lives & she wants to go to HER family.
I'm sorry to ramble on, sometimes putting things in print can help get thoughts in order. Thanks for reading.
Cathy
I haven't posted for a while because life has been 'bimbling' along. I'll remind you of my circumstances; Dad has a terminal brain tumour, this has grown & he's about to start a 2nd line chemotherapy regime, we think he only has a few months left.
Mum has as yet undiagnosed dementia, she refused to go to her most recent psychogeriatric appointment, this was when I expected her to receive her diagnosis. Mum has become very anti me, I am an only child & have had to become very involved in their lives, being a nurse it has fallen to me to be fully aware of Dad's treatment, sort his medicatio & be much more in their lives than I ever have.
Mum has admitted to Dad that she is jealous of me & resents me because I am capable & competent. I have had to sort out many many crises, from ignored tax returns to uninsured & untaxed cars, missed appointments, unpaid bills etc etc.
Mum was originally from Scotland, she met Dad in Singapore in 1967 (they were both in the RAF). Unfortunately for Mum I came along in 1969, she never wanted & should never have had children (though I am kind of pleased she did!) To cut a long story short, we've never had the mother-daughter relationship I would have loved (& hope to have with my daughter), but we've got through it. She's only 66 & we think she's had & hidden her memory problems for the best part of a decade.
Whenever there's a blow up between her & Dad (& there are many of these), she says she's going to move to Scotland to what she calls her only family. She has a few cousins up there who she speaks to a few times a month. My fear is, that once she's on her own, she could try & go up there.
My question is, when she says she's going up to HER family (as she puts it), do I go along with it & change the subject as swiftly as possible? Do I tell her the blunt truth, which is that they don't want her landing on their doorstep (I have spoken to one cousin as I thought they should be aware of the situation & he made no encouraging noises about Mum visiting let alone moving there), they have their own lives & don't need or want an elderly relative with dementia to look out for. I've tried the 'don't you want to be around your daughter & grandchildren' tack, but she said we have our own lives & she wants to go to HER family.
I'm sorry to ramble on, sometimes putting things in print can help get thoughts in order. Thanks for reading.
Cathy
