Possible breast cancer

Worried Woman

Registered User
Jan 7, 2006
26
0
Dorset
As if my Mother has not got enough to contend with, a lump was found in her breast today. The doctor was called, examined Mum and said the lump was about 1cm and she "does not like the feel of it".

Mum is 85 & has vascular dementia. She has been in a care home for 10 months. She hates seeing doctors and has not been in a hospital since I was born 58 years ago. Her memory span is about 1 minute.

Th doctor said that obviously cancer cannot be ruled in or out without further investigation. This would mean hospital appointments for a mammogram, possible biopsy, examinations etc. If it is then found to be cancer a lumpectomy and chemo or radiation treatment would follow. The doctor would not disagree if I thought it best to leave it be for the moment. She would monitor the lump. Mum told the doctor that she did not want to go to hospital.

I am inclined to leave it for the moment rather than put Mum through more trauma.

Has anyone had to make a similar decision? I have no family to talk it over with.

Also, should I discuss this with Mum?
 

Isabella41

Registered User
Feb 20, 2012
904
0
Northern Ireland
We went through something similar with granny. My uncle found the lump when he was washing her. She had vascular dementia. The GP was pretty certain it was cancer and given granny's age and advanced dementia it was agreed to do nothing. It was explained that a ga and chemo was too much for someone like her. We cared for her at home with the help of cancer nurses when needed. We felt this was best for granny. We accepted she was 85yrs old with advanced dementia and that putting her through surgery and treatment would not be in her best interests and would potentially cause or prolong her suffering.

I think it comes down to making a decision you can justify and live with.

Isabella
 

rajahh

Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
2,790
0
Hertfordshire
My husband is 79 now, but last year he had hormone treatment for prostate cancer. This lasted 3 months but the side effects were horrendous so we stopped it. He had his lasttreatment last January. since then his cancer is advancing and we are still saying NO.

It has now been accepted by GP and consultant that he is to have palliative care only, and is not expected to live beyond October of this year.

I amgetting great support from MAcmillan nurses, and so far my husband's quality of life is nearly the same as it was all of last year once the side effects of the treatment had worn off.

I sincerely hope he dies before the pain reaches him, but even then I am assured by MAcmillan nurses that this will be kept to a minimum. I plan for him to die at home if that is at all possible, but he is now also on the hospice register.

My husband hates hospital and so do I.

I did have different emotions about the decision but once it was made I am not having second thoughts now.

Jeannette
 

Worried Woman

Registered User
Jan 7, 2006
26
0
Dorset
Thanks both of you.

I think it's right to leave it. Should I perhaps talk to Mum about it though? She will be able to have a conversation about it, but if she does find it upsetting I can change the subject and she will soon forget about it. I will at least know what she would rather do about it, first hand. I can probably guess the answer though. She may deny the existence of the lump altogether.
 

jan1962

Registered User
May 19, 2012
717
0
bedlington northumberland
Hi Worried Woman.,

my MIL had breast cancer 6 years ago, she had the lump removed and had chemo. this was before AD/VasDem., was confirmed though while she was in hospital she was difficult and the staff used to telephone me or catch me during visiting as i was the first point of contact as my FIL could not cope.

last year she was placed in an assessment unit she was there 3 months and she started to say that her breast was painful i reported this to the nursing staff. they checked her over and another lump was found. they went ahead and made an appointment for to see her specialist to say i was annoyed was an understatement.

she was the transfered to a nursing home, i gave the manager all her appointments and she asked what they were for there was 1 for the breast clinic, 1 for her bowel problem (previous bowel cancer) and there was 2 more cant remember what they were for. i told her that i was not happy and she agreed with me to cancel all the appointments as she did not fell that my MIL would co operate with anyone.

this was an easy choice for me as i did not want her to be put through any test etc., as we knew what the lump was and her bowel problem too. i feel that putting someone through tests for this type of illness at their age and having AD is not necessary.

sadly my MIL passed away peacefully 9th December last year so she is free of all the illness that she was fighting.

the choice is a hard one to make but you will make the right choice for you and your mum.


jan1962
 

Worried Woman

Registered User
Jan 7, 2006
26
0
Dorset
Thanks Jan, the support of people on TP who understand is invaluable. I was looking for reassurance and have found it here.

After all, it may not even be cancer. I will wait and see how things progress.

I may mention it to her.
 

SWMBO1950

Registered User
Nov 17, 2011
2,076
0
Essex
Hi Worried Woman

Personally I would would not discuss it with your mum. Nothing can really be gained from her receiving this information only upset albeit short lived.

I am sorry to hear this turn of events but I do hope the medical profession looks after her well in whatever is to come.

Very Best Wishes to you and your Mum x


Thanks both of you.

I think it's right to leave it. Should I perhaps talk to Mum about it though? She will be able to have a conversation about it, but if she does find it upsetting I can change the subject and she will soon forget about it. I will at least know what she would rather do about it, first hand. I can probably guess the answer though. She may deny the existence of the lump altogether.
 

rajahh

Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
2,790
0
Hertfordshire
Just to add worried woman My husband does know he has prostate cancer. he also knows he is terminally ill. He remembers from time tpo time but is not worried/anxious or distressed about as I just keep reassuring him he will be looked after properly.

Jeannette
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,589
0
Yorkshire
My mum had a lump in her armpit about five years ago and after chatting with her GP, we decided that there was to be no investigation as the process would be too distressing and he wouldn't recommend treatment anyway.

I heard nothing more about it - so presumably it was a cyst - but if it had meant an earlier death, then I would have accepted that. Treating a life-threatening condition and then having to watch her progress further down the Alzheimers road wasn't something I felt I could do...or what Mum would have wanted herself.
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,731
0
South
My mum has had what looks like skin cancer on her hand for about a year now. I got a doctor to look at it and they thought it could be - it is a red patch looking like an angry large mole that never heals - the doctor explained what the process would be and I decided not to take it any further. Mum would not even want the tests they would do let alone any operations etc.
 

Flooz

Registered User
Sep 8, 2009
139
0
UK
How sad that so many of you have had to face making such decisions, on top of dealing with the stress of watching someone with dementia. Yet I know instinctively that if I am ever faced with the same dilemma, I too would so no to treatment. Sometimes when we get to a crossroads, we may choose a shorter route. It's very sad, but watching this awful illness can sometimes be worse :-(
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
0
London
Hello Worried Women, my mum in law was going to have a knee replacement, but due to her other health problems and now having Vascular Dementia, the GP and us thought it would be in her best interests to leave well alone not because she is 87, but the operation would not enhance her life only make things far worse for her, she is still OK in her own little world and still happy and now not aware she was going to have this operation.
Best Wishes to you and your mum, and please do post again and let us know how things are.
Chris x
 

zeeeb

Registered User
I also think it would be best to leave it. At that age, it would be questionable whether it would be worth treating it. For all the pain and discomfort required to go through cancer treatment, to prolong life. Quality over quantity argument comes into play here.

My mum has recently had an abnormal pap smear, and I asked her if it was worth treating, or even having pap smears at this point. She is young admittedly (58), but has early stage early onset alzheimers, and parkinsons. So really, what would be the point of treating a potential cancer, to prolong a very tortured and uncomfortable life later on down the track.

If I were in her shoes, i wouldn't even be having pap smears and mamograms, they would just be an unnecessary inconvenience. If I was diagnosed with cancer on top of alzheimers (and parkinsons) I most certainly wouldn't choose to treat it.
 

Nebiroth

Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
3,510
0
Sometimes breast lumps turn out to be innocuous - most commonly, benign cysts. However, frequently a doctor can tell from examination because they are trained to be able to feel the difference between a cyst and something suspiscious whereas women who do self-exams aren't. The majority of women who find lumps have in fact found cysts.

Evidently in your case the doctor is unable to be sure.

But I think you are right. Your mum is 85. The tests are certain to be distressing and would be even if she didn't have dementia. If it is breast cancer then this would involve at least a lumpectomy under a general anaesthetic and a follow up course of chemo therapy and/or radiation. These are obvious a very great strain for a woman in her mid-eighties in otherwise good health. They are bad news when there is dementia.

There is the pyshcological aspect, all the distress and upset involved and your mum wouldn't be able to understand what is happening. Although chemo and radio are nowhere near as bad as they once were, espescially with the development of a new range of drugs that are able to control nausea and vomitting in most people - though there are always exceptions.

The general and the chemo/radio therapy are in my few inevitably going to make her dementia worse and her decline more rapid.

So you would be faced with gaining possibly a few years, at the expense of a poor quality of life during those years.

I would not personally be inclined to tell her. It can only cause upset in the short-term until she forgets.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,589
0
Yorkshire
I think the worst thing was that I felt like such a heel when I got the call telling me about Mum's lump - they said they were (quite rightly) calling in the GP to arrange tests - and my immediate reaction was "Woah! Hold on. Is this wise?"

I had rationalised beforehand what I would do in such a situation, so when it came, it was relatively easy. I phoned the GP and explained my concerns and he was very understanding and agreed with the decision not to investigate. But GPs must sometimes be stuck between a rock and a hard place, because I can imagine not all next of kin are as pragmatic as me, and the very suggestion of withholding treatment seems to send some relatives scuttling off to vent their rage against the NHS in the papers.

Two years ago, I brought up the subject of what would happen if Mum took a stroke in the CH, having witnessed the result of intervention by paramedics on an old gentleman I knew back home. Again it felt callous discussing this, but we established the 'no hospitalisation if at all possible' principle and this went in Mum's notes. The CH also assured me that other relatives had issued the same instructions, but again they have to tread carefully so as not to offend.

So when Mum took her final turn (a small stroke) a month ago, plans were in place, and there was no panic about what to do. It was still hard to go through, but would have been much more traumatic if I'd had to make any decisions there and then.

So I would urge everyone to go through the 'what ifs?' well in advance and decide what you would want to happen when your head's in control rather than your heart.
 

sah

Registered User
Apr 20, 2009
332
0
Dorset
I'm a carer for my husband who has AD -which is why I'm on here-buI was treated for breast cancer last year. Even though I am a lot younger (56) the biopsies, chemo treatment and the recovery from the operation were tough and quite debilitating. Worth it for me-all clear at the moment(touching everything) but I would hesitate to put a healthy 85 year old through the year I had - it would be a year of very low quality of life when coupled with the dementia.
 

jan1962

Registered User
May 19, 2012
717
0
bedlington northumberland
I think the worst thing was that I felt like such a heel when I got the call telling me about Mum's lump - they said they were (quite rightly) calling in the GP to arrange tests - and my immediate reaction was "Woah! Hold on. Is this wise?"

I had rationalised beforehand what I would do in such a situation, so when it came, it was relatively easy. I phoned the GP and explained my concerns and he was very understanding and agreed with the decision not to investigate. But GPs must sometimes be stuck between a rock and a hard place, because I can imagine not all next of kin are as pragmatic as me, and the very suggestion of withholding treatment seems to send some relatives scuttling off to vent their rage against the NHS in the papers.

Two years ago, I brought up the subject of what would happen if Mum took a stroke in the CH, having witnessed the result of intervention by paramedics on an old gentleman I knew back home. Again it felt callous discussing this, but we established the 'no hospitalisation if at all possible' principle and this went in Mum's notes. The CH also assured me that other relatives had issued the same instructions, but again they have to tread carefully so as not to offend.

So when Mum took her final turn (a small stroke) a month ago, plans were in place, and there was no panic about what to do. It was still hard to go through, but would have been much more traumatic if I'd had to make any decisions there and then.

So I would urge everyone to go through the 'what ifs?' well in advance and decide what you would want to happen when your head's in control rather than your heart.

Hi there,

i agree 100% with what you have said about the what ifs. we were lucky in that we had time to discuss the no hospitalization and the DNR. it took a while for my FIL to get his head around ths but in the end he agreed. like yourself we though of quality rather than quantity. the only thing i really did not like was that my FIL does not to this day know about the lump being found in her breast. we did not want either of them to know, the same with the bowel cancer which they were nearly sure had also returned.

it is not an easy choice and one that should not be taken with out much thought.


jan1962
 

Worried Woman

Registered User
Jan 7, 2006
26
0
Dorset
Chemmy, Wise words. It is always good to be prepared.

I had never thought about Mum being diagnosed with anything else on top of her dementia.

I have completed the DNR form of course, when she arrived at the care home.

The best course of action is obviously to leave it be. I hope the lump will not become painful, or I may have to take further advice. I'm hoping it may be a cyst.

The only reason I thought about talking to Mum about the lump was not to inform her about it, but to discuss what, if anything she would like to do about it, if only to confirm my thoughts that she will not want to do anything. There would be no point in telling her just for the sake of it, that would just cause distress for a short while until she forgot about it.

Thank you all for your support.
 

Finn

Registered User
Oct 25, 2010
87
0
Leicestershire
Hello Worried Woman
I have had a similar dilemma to yourself. Mum has AD and a Gynae cancer. I took Mum for a follow up appointment after a previous surgery (pre AD) and the consultant told me she thought the cancer had returned and I had to make the decision whether to leave it, have extensive surgery leaving Mum doubly incontinent or have minor surgery not to cure but to relieve pain and slow down the spread. I chose the latter and since my decision Mum has had 1 further similar surgery. I didn't discuss it with Mum, I tested the waters with the subject but Mum could not hold the information for long enough to give her enough details. I really do think I made the right choice. Good luck in your journey xxx
 

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