Falling concerns

[Ria B]

The doctor visited my Mum today as she had fallen at my house whilst staying over Christmas. It is 3 months since the doctor last saw Mum. The doctor rang me to update me after her visit. Doc said how much Mum had changed since she last saw her, she checked her blood pressure which was ok, is satisfied that Mum's medication is not making her dizzy. Mum has a burning sensation when she has a wee so Doc has given her some antibiotics. Doc has also given Mum a different inhaler which she needs to use twice daily as a preventer rather than the reliever which she uses at the moment. I hope that Mum is better with the preventer as hopefully she will get used to using it twice a day regularly rather than getting wheezy but forgetting to use the reliever. I will need to write on the inhaler casing again (suck not blow) as Mum cannot remember how to use it, which does make us both laugh.

Mum's partner was there when the Doc came so thankfully he could chat to the Doc about how Mum is. Mum did manage to communicate with the Doc also but due to her speech problems this is never easy, thankfully the Doc is fantastic and very patient.

I often wonder if Mum would be better living on her own and her partner only staying over at the weekend but my friends have said to leave well alone and let them carry on as they are. David had his third chemo session today and he says that Mum is ok at the moment and they are getting on well, so I guess we will just deal with one day at a time.

For Christmas we bought David a 30 min helicopter flight over the dales, it's due to happen on 20th January, just hope he is fit enough to be able to go. We told Mum that if she wanted to go she would have to pay for herself and within 20 mins of telling her this she had given David the money to give to us to pay for it! I am pleased she wants to go, goodness knows what she will think of it but David will be there to hold her hand. It will be interesting to see if she remembers the flight afterwards, will keep you posted.

It has been interesting reading about UTI's and dementia, causing confusion/unsteadiness etc. Mum has been complaining about her back more than usual so maybe it is pain in her kidneys causing the UTI, the dizzy spells etc, again time will tell but this is the second infection/waterworks problem that she has had within the last 6 months. She hadn't told me about the latest episode but she did tell the Doc who subsequently reported back to me.

The Doc asked me if I had thought about the future for Mum. I told her that Mum had begged me not to put her in a home but I also told the Doc that there was no way I could cope with Mum living with me, we would tear each other apart and I do not want that.

I want Mum to stay in her own home as long as possible and I hope that even though David's illness is terminal, I want him and Mum to stay together for as long as is possible, obviously with a decent quality of life for them both. If and when the time comes that Mum is on her own then I will deal with it then but for the time being I have a saying which is "if in doubt, do nowt" and that is what I will do, whilst ever they are coping with all the strategies in place, then I will be there for them whenever they need me.

 

[BrightSide]

Hi. There a a few active threads just now about UTIs and dehydration. My father was having fainting collapses, sudden falls and one juddery episode that was almost a fit. All down to dehydration and subsequent bladder infection, as he was self limiting drinks rather than wet the bed the poor soul. He has no inclination to drink which is typical of dementia, and needs to be reminded constantly to drink..but you can see in his face it is a chore to drink anything, and he used to love his tea. I now give him Ribena with dioralyte in it if I see the signs, it replenishes his electrolytes and salts and stops him getting dizzy (low sodium) and having skipped beats (low potassium) only one sachet a day, unless he has diharrea too and I give him more.

 

[Ria B]

All very interesting, thank you, I will have a look at the posts and show them to Mum.

 

[SWMBO1950]

My mother is unsteady without her walker but she is great with it and it gives her confidence/ She has a 4 wheel one with seat incase she gets tired going along the corridors.It is no secret here that my aim is to keep my mum in her own home as long as possilbe and the walker is a real help.

Best Wishes

All very interesting, thank you, I will have a look at the posts and show them to Mum.

 

[sweetmole]

Oh yes the dreaded UTI and dehydration. Something to watch out for. I think you are doing the right thing with the coping strategies in place. When there is another marked change then look at options I would say.

 

[Ria B]

I am crying read your comments, I have just read the post "Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired by Liz Ayres, I feel so bad because I know I am doing all the things I shouldn't, I see my poor Mum,, her memory letting her down, her speech letting her down, making her in-secure, making her agitated and I cry. My Mum begged me not to let her go into a home "Can I live with you" she asked but deep down we both know it would never work, we are too alike and with this damn disease thrown in I know I could not cope, then I read the article and I think I should be able to cope, she is my Mum.

I am going to visit my Mum tomorrow, take her to the supermarket in her wheelchair, have are usual supermarket lunch and I am going to talk to her about drinking more fluids so she doesnt get UTI's (this is the second one this year) I am going to tell her about how a UTI and dehydration can cause confusion and unusual behaviour and I am going to tell her that she must wipe herself front to back when she goes to pee. I will explain how the fact that she now has to wear Tena Lady that these can add to infections and she must keep herself clean, I will buy her Yakult and I will buy a jug so that she can keep it at the side of the kitchen sink so each day it can be filled with water or cranberry juice, so she may see each time she hobbles into the kitchen how much she has drunk and how much more she needs to drink that day.

I have printed a copy of the article off for me and Mum's partner David, who as I have said before is living at Mum's instead of his own house because he has terminal pancreatic cancer. I will explain to him the need to keep Mum's fluid intake up and regular, I will ask him to read the article and try not to argue with Mum, I will ask him to try and distract her when she is getting upset or indeed upsetting him, bearing in mind he is having chemo, he knows he is terminal and has enough to deal with himself.

Then, after speaking to my friend who is a social worker who works with the elderly and is very familiar with dementia, uti's, etc etc I will take the information that she is going to give me and I will decide what to do next. She thinks I need to put things in place now whilst David is still alive, maybe care workers to come into Mum now, help her to shower, perhaps I will be able to get a regular care worker so Mum gets to know them, or perhaps every visit will be a different care worker to add to the confusion, I don't know. I will start to look into care homes, just for information at this stage but I need to do it, obviously I won't be telling Mum that bit, I won't let her know that her only daughter is looking into the possibility of putting her into a home..............

I don't want Mum to go into a home and I hope (like many I guess) that it won't come to that, I hope I can get some lovely care people to start visiting Mum now so that when she needs them more she has already got used to them, like she did the cleaner, who she didnt want 3 years ago but who she loves to bits now. Maybe I will speak to David and ask him if he could wait until the lovely be-friender from Alzheimers has gone home BEFORE he makes his tea instead of making her feel uncomfortable having to try to talk to Mum whilst he eats his tea in front of the TV (in the lounge where Mum is) maybe I could ask him to eat it in the kitchen, keep Mum's warm for her.

It is so difficult, sometimes I want David to go home and leave Mum in peace but when he told me this week that Mum had fallen in the shower 3 weeks ago, I know she isn't safe anymore on her own, so perhaps its best if he stays that is until the inevitable happens with him. Life is so cruel, so unfair and I don't know what to do for the best, so I will keep reading this forum (which so far has proved invaluable) and i will explore all the options, oh, and I will speak to Mums doctor about the uti and find out if she has arranged a water sample.

Thank you for reading this. I hope its not too jumbled, so much going through my head. Ria B