Hello my name is Ria my Mum has vascular dementia, is 76 years old, normally lives on her own but her partner of 16 years is living with her at the moment as he has terminal pancreatic cancer, all a bit difficult to say the least.
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Hello Ria, sorry you have need for us, but understanding and support here by the bucketful, so welcome to Talking Point. Am sorry you have the additional worry of your mum looking after a very sick man, I trust there is a care package put into place for him? I expect you must be very concerned as this is a very difficult situation,without dementia thrown in as well
, so please have a word with mums doctor and he/she may be able to get practical help organised if it is not already put into place.Do keep posting and let us know how things are, or if you have more to say.
Best wishes
Chris
, so please have a word with mums doctor and he/she may be able to get practical help organised if it is not already put into place.Do keep posting and let us know how things are, or if you have more to say.Best wishes
Chris
More Information
My Mum and her partner stayed with me over Christmas. Mum has mobility issues as well as the vascular dementia, she has de-generative bone disease in her spine together with sciatica so cannot get out of the house on her own. I take her out once a week to go food shopping and for lunch which she enjoys and is usually 'normal' but she does sometimes get quite agitated, her speech is terrible especially when she is tired and her short term memory not good. I am an only child, my Dad died of liver cancer many years ago, Mum and her partner David have been an item for 16 years but never lived together until now as David has pancreatic cancer which is terminal. He is the positive one of the partnership but they have fallen out 3 times to my knowledge over the last couple of months (Mum has locked him in twice, so he couldn't leave) He can't cope with Mum and she can't cope with him, not so much his illness but just the general facts of sharing her living space which she is not used to. She says he takes over, which he does, tv, untidy etc yet he can be very kind to Mum. He does do too much for her though, makes her breakfast in bed, gets her her tablets etc etc but this does not promote independence in Mum which is so important if she is to remain in her own home which is what she wants. They both have so much going on with differing medical issues and I think David stays with Mum because he is frightened about being on his own but he says he does not want to leave Mum on her own. I have sorted a cleaner for Mum, whom she loves to bits, I have a neighbour keeps an eye on Mum and will call whenever I ask her to. I have arranged a be-friender through Alzheimer's, again Mum gets on very well with her but since David has been staying the be-friender has told me it is quite awkward as she can only get to Mum about 4.30 pm and David (set in his ways) insists on making the evening meal whilst she is there ( not ideal but David is NOT flexible) very set in his ways I am afraid. Mum also has care-link installed with the pendant round her neck in case she falls (this has gone walk about in the last 2 days, of course Mum never takes it off so it must have been the fairies!) crikey I could write a book, but to keep it sort, just to say it is very helpful and uplifting to read all about everyone else and their problems/worries
My Mum and her partner stayed with me over Christmas. Mum has mobility issues as well as the vascular dementia, she has de-generative bone disease in her spine together with sciatica so cannot get out of the house on her own. I take her out once a week to go food shopping and for lunch which she enjoys and is usually 'normal' but she does sometimes get quite agitated, her speech is terrible especially when she is tired and her short term memory not good. I am an only child, my Dad died of liver cancer many years ago, Mum and her partner David have been an item for 16 years but never lived together until now as David has pancreatic cancer which is terminal. He is the positive one of the partnership but they have fallen out 3 times to my knowledge over the last couple of months (Mum has locked him in twice, so he couldn't leave) He can't cope with Mum and she can't cope with him, not so much his illness but just the general facts of sharing her living space which she is not used to. She says he takes over, which he does, tv, untidy etc yet he can be very kind to Mum. He does do too much for her though, makes her breakfast in bed, gets her her tablets etc etc but this does not promote independence in Mum which is so important if she is to remain in her own home which is what she wants. They both have so much going on with differing medical issues and I think David stays with Mum because he is frightened about being on his own but he says he does not want to leave Mum on her own. I have sorted a cleaner for Mum, whom she loves to bits, I have a neighbour keeps an eye on Mum and will call whenever I ask her to. I have arranged a be-friender through Alzheimer's, again Mum gets on very well with her but since David has been staying the be-friender has told me it is quite awkward as she can only get to Mum about 4.30 pm and David (set in his ways) insists on making the evening meal whilst she is there ( not ideal but David is NOT flexible) very set in his ways I am afraid. Mum also has care-link installed with the pendant round her neck in case she falls (this has gone walk about in the last 2 days, of course Mum never takes it off so it must have been the fairies!) crikey I could write a book, but to keep it sort, just to say it is very helpful and uplifting to read all about everyone else and their problems/worries
Ria, so sorry that you are in a situation that you need to be here....but this place is many things....a marvellous resource, place to get advice, blow your top and have a laugh! I hope you find the help you need on this sad journey. X
Thank you Brightside, that's the truth, a sad journey, I just hope neither of them have to suffer.
