Hello all
Dad has VD and AD, mum is 85 and not coping. We have had assesment by local authority, funding application is almost through, and the situation is critical as mums health is not good. Agreed that he requires nursing care, but in a frail elderly unit rather than dementia unit. Dad is just back from a fortnight respite in a wonderful
local authority care home (respite only) , where he is well fed, warm and comfortable but complains that he is 'lonely' and 'bored'. He had more organised daily activity there than at home , where he sits in front of the tv all day. We know he just likes being at home and gets very disoriented when he is out of his own surroundings. He seemed really miserable there although the place is warm, friendly and clean...but he was left a little to his own devices. I was disappointed when I went in every day to find he was on his own in his room, but the carers said he would not sit in the lounge. He has agreed to the suggestion that he go into live in a nursing home but he has to be gently reminded when the subject comes up, it always seems to be the first time we are breaking the news to him. I keep telling him the permanent home will be much nicer than the respite home, as I truly believed it would be. We had pinned our hopes on a very local care home which we had heard wonderful things about - it is walking distance from the house for mum, and we are just waiting for a vacancy. Today, mum and I went to visit...and it is awful. The smell hits you at the front door, it is a huge, modern sprawling building with the frail elderly units on two floors, residents lying moaning on beds and holding out their arms to you as you pass their room, tv' blaring in empty lounges, people wandering the corridors muttering to themselves. (note: this is the frail elderly unit, not the dementia unit.) The respite home was genuinely paradise compared to what we found today and I feel like my hope has been taken away for his happiness, and ours. He will hate this environment, and everytime I go to see him I will get that awful guilt i got when i saw him in respite and will sit crying in the car park because I just feel so sorry for him. I suppose I expected the pictures in the brochure...those happy, smiling well dressed elderly ladies sitting in sunlit rooms laughing up at their sparkly smiling carer. Maybe we just went on a bad day...but oh god, is this how it has to be?
Dad has VD and AD, mum is 85 and not coping. We have had assesment by local authority, funding application is almost through, and the situation is critical as mums health is not good. Agreed that he requires nursing care, but in a frail elderly unit rather than dementia unit. Dad is just back from a fortnight respite in a wonderful
local authority care home (respite only) , where he is well fed, warm and comfortable but complains that he is 'lonely' and 'bored'. He had more organised daily activity there than at home , where he sits in front of the tv all day. We know he just likes being at home and gets very disoriented when he is out of his own surroundings. He seemed really miserable there although the place is warm, friendly and clean...but he was left a little to his own devices. I was disappointed when I went in every day to find he was on his own in his room, but the carers said he would not sit in the lounge. He has agreed to the suggestion that he go into live in a nursing home but he has to be gently reminded when the subject comes up, it always seems to be the first time we are breaking the news to him. I keep telling him the permanent home will be much nicer than the respite home, as I truly believed it would be. We had pinned our hopes on a very local care home which we had heard wonderful things about - it is walking distance from the house for mum, and we are just waiting for a vacancy. Today, mum and I went to visit...and it is awful. The smell hits you at the front door, it is a huge, modern sprawling building with the frail elderly units on two floors, residents lying moaning on beds and holding out their arms to you as you pass their room, tv' blaring in empty lounges, people wandering the corridors muttering to themselves. (note: this is the frail elderly unit, not the dementia unit.) The respite home was genuinely paradise compared to what we found today and I feel like my hope has been taken away for his happiness, and ours. He will hate this environment, and everytime I go to see him I will get that awful guilt i got when i saw him in respite and will sit crying in the car park because I just feel so sorry for him. I suppose I expected the pictures in the brochure...those happy, smiling well dressed elderly ladies sitting in sunlit rooms laughing up at their sparkly smiling carer. Maybe we just went on a bad day...but oh god, is this how it has to be?
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