Just the lead-up to Christmas has been so disturbing....... I go to Christmas parties, breeze through them and then come home and cry. I don't think there is an easy way to get through grief, you just have to let the waves come and wash over you before they retreat again.
This is my experience. It's two and a half years since I lost John, but sometimes it feels so fresh.
I've thrown myself into all sorts of new activities, and continued with my dementia work locally. I'm frantically busy most of the time, but last weekend depression returned for no apparent reason. There's just no knowing when it will strike.
Christmas has been a bad time for me for years, ever since my daughter died, but this year I thought I was coping well ...... wrong!!! Yesterday was hard because I went with the church choir to sing carols in a care home (not the one John was in). I spent time talking to the residents, and it really took me back. I think some of the visiting families appreciated that I knew what they were going through, so it was worthwhile, and I think has helped me a bit too.
Jan and Sue, it does get better, in that the downs do become less frequent, but the gaps our loved ones left will always be there. I think Christmas will always be painful.
My love and best wishes to you both.