Dog with dementia

[Big Effort]

Fed up!
Mum is really beyond caring for a dog. So that is just another little thing we have taken over, the feeding, watering, wee and pooing and so on. Now he has taken to weeing in doors, it is the cold time of year and dachs don't like wet or cold.

This week I have cleared up dog's poo twice, a few pees, vomit on bed, her hand-knitted blanket, her armchair, cushions......

He barks incessantly when she is not there, poor neighbours. Non-stop. The two times he has been in our house I have had to clean the carpet. It is maddening. We take him out for a wee, nothing. 10 mins later he wees on the carpet, he prefers that to getting cold and wet outside. She just says, "Poor dog, he must have been in a hurry."

I suggested gently that we try to find a new home for him, where he can have fun and play and go on exciting walks. She seemed open and receptive. That's new. I went to make her breakfast. By the time I returned, I have become the evil daughter. She refused to eat breakfast. She has nothing to say to me. She thinks I want the dog put down.

Why, oh why did I open my mouth?

Rant over.

 

[Butter]

Very sympathetic. The dog seems to be messed up by your mum's health. It will be difficult to re-home. It will need time and effort to help it recover - sometimes it is not possible. It will be distressed - dogs only mess when things have gone wrong for them. Just like us.
I suggest you get advice and alternative care for the dog.

 

[marsaday]

Hi BE,
Maybe you've thought of this already but what about a square of grass covered turf set in some type of a tray, or even sand, in a porch or somewhere nearly outside but not quite. Do you think he would go there?
I love training my dog. You would need to have an instant reward ready when he goes and use a trigger word the minute he goes. He should soon cotton that when you say the word, he does his business and immediately gets a treat- nice piece of chicken or sausage perhaps.
I know it won't solve the long term problem of the dog but at least saves on the cleaning up. And if you did find a new owner, even better.

While we are on the doggy topic- my black lab found and ate a whole tub of cocoa powder the other night. I later found out it is extremely poisonous to dogs and a whole tub could well be fatal. Thankfully she didn't suffer too many il affects but has the most curious looking pink stained lips which looks like she is wearing lipstick.
Would love to post a photo but don't know how-yet!

M

 

[garnuft]

Hiya BE,
Your Mum's dog seems to be causing a lot of friction between the two of you.
Do you think your Mum picks up on the fact that you don't like it?
That is bound to distress her as she will need to know that you are going to look after him, as she is no longer able to, she will be stressed with the worry of it.
Does he get taken for walks?
My dogs have never cleaned themselves in their own garden apart from emergency wees,
they walk, sniff, pee, walk, sniff, pee. Male dogs even more so.
Sally poos in the same place at the corner of a field every day.
She never soils in her own area.
Perhaps ( I know it is an added burden to you but your Mum may well be less stressed ergo easier to live with) you could walk the dog twice a day
or could you find someone who could walk him twice a day.?
That way he has a reliable routine, some pleasure and cleans himself.
And Mum will be happier knowing her dear little dog is being attended to.
Why is he vomiting? Has this been going on for long?
Perhaps you should ask a Vet to check him over.
If all of this fails perhaps you may have to see about re-homing him as he too is under a lot of stress.
Sadly the most likely outcome is that he will be euthanised if he is too stressed to be easily re-homed.

My heart aches for him , your Mum and you, the crashing stone of Dementia makes many ripples.

I hope you find a way through the tangle,
With Love,
Gwen XXX

 

[Pheath]

Dear BE
Afraid I’ve never owned a dog so no great suggestions, only to say am sorry you have this additional complication to contend with. It can’t be easy on top of your mum’s care too, she does sound fiercely loyal to him so can see that re-housing him could cause her a lot of distress. It might be cleaning up any mess after the dog is preferable to your mum’s wrath so perhaps the lesser of the two evils although not much consolation for you as yet more work. Hope you get out of the 'dog house' yourself soon, I know your mum can hold onto grievances for quite some time. Px

 

[Harriet66]

Just a quick thought - have you thought of asking the Cinnamon Trust for help? They can often help by sending a dog walker along every day if your mum would accept it a. I saw this work beautifully with a customer of mine who had dementia. The Trust can also help eventually with rehoming. Try looking at http://www.cinnamon.org.uk/.

I really do sympathise with your plight - it's something we experienced with my mum in law and her lovely lab - wish we'd known about the Trust then - they're a great charity;established to help in situations like yours.

Hope this helps,

Harriet

 

[Pheath]

Dear Harriet
I think BE is based in France if you know of any equivalent there, it looks like a lovely charity.

 

[Harriet66]

Apologies, I didn't realise. Unfortunately I don't know of any similar charities in France, but it may be worth contacting the Trust to ask if they do?

Harriet

 

[Big Effort]

I just wanted to let off steam in a rant...... but your replies, each and everyone of you, were so understanding and helpful, that I feel like a right stinger myself. Where is my compassion at a time like this?

Butter:

The dog seems to be messed up by your mum's health. It will be difficult to re-home. It will need time and effort to help it recover - sometimes it is not possible. It will be distressed - dogs only mess when things have gone wrong for them. Just like us.

You have hit the nail on the head. This is the crux of the issue. Mum won't let him go and I also worry if separating them will tip her to further descent and dispair. No one will want a dog like this, believe me. I am a dog lover, really, and he tries my patience, so rehoming would be irresponsible. I am sure they'll end up putting him down.

Marsaday:

I love training my dog. You would need to have an instant reward ready when he goes and use a trigger word the minute he goes.

This dog is untrainable. He cares not what people think. He is selfish and unloveable. Rewards get gobbled up. He makes no effort to please. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. This dog proves that. We have spent 3 years trying to rehabilitate him, using our dogs as examples. Result: zero. And now our dogs bark when people come to the door (unwanted learned behaviour from HIM), they don't like him and growl when he is near which just adds to the difficulty. If he is in our house, our two either leave the room or growl.

To post photos: Simple. Look for the icon which appears above the text box when you are writing a post. It looks like a tree on blue and brown background. Click on that. A window appears asking for you to paste in the web address. Sorry I don't know what to do if photo is your own..... maybe someone can help as I'd love to see those pink lips.

Garnunft:

Your Mum's dog seems to be causing a lot of friction between the two of you.
Do you think your Mum picks up on the fact that you don't like it?
That is bound to distress her as she will need to know that you are going to look after him, as she is no longer able to, she will be stressed with the worry of it.

Yes.
Yes again.
And yes again.
You are absolutely right. This is what makes it all so complicated. In a normal household, I am sure we could all cope and rehabilitate him. Mum's dementia is clearly adding to his already uncompromising character, and he walks all over her (which she loves). My wanting him gone DOES add to the stress of it.
If he goes I am afraid of the consequences for her. If he stays, our dogs are picking up rotten habits (now pooing in the garden, barking at visitors, food anxiety at times). If he stays this remains such an ongoing bone of contention. Is it kind to keep him like this? Very difficult situation and no easy solution.

Pheath: You certainly read my posts and remember the details. No memory problems there that I can detect! Good for you! Yes, I do live in France.

she does sound fiercely loyal to him so can see that re-housing him could cause her a lot of distress. It might be cleaning up any mess after the dog is preferable to your mum’s wrath so perhaps the lesser of the two evils

Yes, she and her dog are inseparable. An unsavoury duo. A dog without conscience, and a woman who would choose her dog over us. Fact. Very difficult. It causes so much trouble.

Harriet:

help by sending a dog walker along every day if your mum would accept it a. I saw this work beautifully with a customer of mine who had dementia. The Trust can also help eventually with rehoming. Try looking at http://www.cinnamon.org.uk/.

Yes, we do live in France. However I think your idea has real merit. It is me who should go back to walking all our dogs for at least an hour a day. The exercise is pure pleasure for them, good for them and me, and would give him time to drop all his waste far from home. The truth is I should become the dog walker. Will mull over this, perhaps a new year resolution.

Tonight I ended up carrying the pooch over here so Mum could watch Strictly Come Dancing without all the barking that goes on if he is left in house across the road. I relented. Backing down again, lowering our standards yet again. It drives my husband (a very patient guy) barmy. It could be I should walk him into oblivion. No energy at night to bark.

Your combined replies have uplifted me. I didn't expect such creativity, kindness from you and I thank you. I need to really come to terms with this. I don't want Mum to slip. That is the bottom line. So standards here will drop again.

Night all. And thanks. BE

 

[jj1]

hiya

I just wanted to let off steam in a rant...... but your replies, each and everyone of you, were so understanding and helpful, that I feel like a right stinger myself. Where is my compassion at a time like this?

Butter:

You have hit the nail on the head. This is the crux of the issue. Mum won't let him go and I also worry if separating them will tip her to further descent and dispair. No one will want a dog like this, believe me. I am a dog lover, really, and he tries my patience, so rehoming would be irresponsible. I am sure they'll end up putting him down.

Marsaday:

I love training my dog. You would need to have an instant reward ready when he goes and use a trigger word the minute he goes.

This dog is untrainable. He cares not what people think. He is selfish and unloveable. Rewards get gobbled up. He makes no effort to please. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. This dog proves that. We have spent 3 years trying to rehabilitate him, using our dogs as examples. Result: zero. And now our dogs bark when people come to the door (unwanted learned behaviour from HIM), they don't like him and growl when he is near which just adds to the difficulty. If he is in our house, our two either leave the room or growl.

To post photos: Simple. Look for the icon which appears above the text box when you are writing a post. It looks like a tree on blue and brown background. Click on that. A window appears asking for you to paste in the web address. Sorry I don't know what to do if photo is your own..... maybe someone can help as I'd love to see those pink lips.

Garnunft:

Yes.
Yes again.
And yes again.
You are absolutely right. This is what makes it all so complicated. In a normal household, I am sure we could all cope and rehabilitate him. Mum's dementia is clearly adding to his already uncompromising character, and he walks all over her (which she loves). My wanting him gone DOES add to the stress of it.
If he goes I am afraid of the consequences for her. If he stays, our dogs are picking up rotten habits (now pooing in the garden, barking at visitors, food anxiety at times). If he stays this remains such an ongoing bone of contention. Is it kind to keep him like this? Very difficult situation and no easy solution.

Pheath: You certainly read my posts and remember the details. No memory problems there that I can detect! Good for you! Yes, I do live in France.

Yes, she and her dog are inseparable. An unsavoury duo. A dog without conscience, and a woman who would choose her dog over us. Fact. Very difficult. It causes so much trouble.

Harriet:

Yes, we do live in France. However I think your idea has real merit. It is me who should go back to walking all our dogs for at least an hour a day. The exercise is pure pleasure for them, good for them and me, and would give him time to drop all his waste far from home. The truth is I should become the dog walker. Will mull over this, perhaps a new year resolution.

Tonight I ended up carrying the pooch over here so Mum could watch Strictly Come Dancing without all the barking that goes on if he is left in house across the road. I relented. Backing down again, lowering our standards yet again. It drives my husband (a very patient guy) barmy. It could be I should walk him into oblivion. No energy at night to bark.

Your combined replies have uplifted me. I didn't expect such creativity, kindness from you and I thank you. I need to really come to terms with this. I don't want Mum to slip. That is the bottom line. So standards here will drop again.

Night all. And thanks. BE

hi there just a thought what dog is it and how old?

 

[gringo]

Oh, BE. you are so conscientious! As the character in Fiddler on the roof said "on the other hand there is no other hand". Grasp the nettle. Get rid of the dog. It's going to wear you down. You'll have to dissemble, but being a carer you know all about that. (the dog hurt its paw and is at the vets etc.) How can you possibly give your Mother your full attention when you're tripping over the dog all the time, and clearing up after it. Whichever way you go, there's going to be pain. Being realistic, your Mother's pain won't last as long as yours. I know it's not that easy, nothing ever is. But if you get a piece of paper and put a line down the middle, and put the reasons for and against on each side of the line you should clearly see your way forward.
Best of luck.

 

[creativesarah]

My sisters dog had dementia and became very disorientated and would go out of the dog flap and then not be able to remember how to get back in and would sit and howl in the garden

The vet thinks our cat may have dementia too.

 

[susana53]

I think a visit to the vet is the first step to find out if it is dementia and rule out anything more serious. They can give you valuable advice to hopefully make life easier.

 

[LYN T]

You can buy a type of stick which you plunge into the ground which smells of something that attracts a dog to wee!Honest. It's called a pee post.Possibly worth a try?

 

[Jancis]

This must be so difficult for you. Does your mum still love her dog and look out for him? (Sorry if I have missed earlier posts).

My uncle's dog was taken away from him and "put into care". She was in a real state. But uncle's illness was quite advanced by then and he didn't seem to understand nor miss her. He now has a large and soft cuddly toy dog and they are inseparable.

I realise that my uncle's real dog was very lucky to find a loving home. And my uncle is lucky in that he now finds comfort from the static toy dog.

Good luck with this BE. Sorry if my story is not relevant to your circumstances.

Jancis x

 

[marsaday]

Lol - Correct me if I'm wrong but are we not talking about a dog living with an owner who has dementia and not a 'dog with dementia'

Perhaps your title is a bit misleading BE?

 

[bemused1]

Hi BE,
Maybe you've thought of this already but what about a square of grass covered turf set in some type of a tray, or even sand, in a porch or somewhere nearly outside but not quite. Do you think he would go there?
I love training my dog. You would need to have an instant reward ready when he goes and use a trigger word the minute he goes. He should soon cotton that when you say the word, he does his business and immediately gets a treat- nice piece of chicken or sausage perhaps.
I know it won't solve the long term problem of the dog but at least saves on the cleaning up. And if you did find a new owner, even better.

While we are on the doggy topic- my black lab found and ate a whole tub of cocoa powder the other night. I later found out it is extremely poisonous to dogs and a whole tub could well be fatal. Thankfully she didn't suffer too many il affects but has the most curious looking pink stained lips which looks like she is wearing lipstick.
Would love to post a photo but don't know how-yet!

M

Training is really good fun but it does take time and dedication. Sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me sane is the dog! Would love to see pics marsaday.
Sadly I think you need to consider the possibity of rehoming the dog. there is always someone who will take on difficult dogs but the net effect of having a seriously disturbed dog will in the long run be as bad as an upset mother.

 

[marsaday]

Will try to post some later.

Are we clear yet that it isn't the dog who has dementia?

BE can you clear this matter up as a few posters seem to have picked it up that way?
I doubt very much if a dog with dementia should be kept alive. Didn't even think it possible.

 

[bemused1]

Will try to post some later.

Are we clear yet that it isn't the dog who has dementia?

BE can you clear this matter up as a few posters seem to have picked it up that way?
I doubt very much if a dog with dementia should be kept alive. Didn't even think it possible.

TBH its the same as a person! But ours became very very frightened and the same problems of being awake all night happened. We very quickly made up our minds that her life had no quality but this is a decision you CAN make for a dog. So I would say it is possible for the dog to live depending on your views on euthenasia and how far you are prepared to go for your dog. Quality not quantity is my view.

Sorry got sidetracked again but it did seem clear that it wasn't the dog with dementia.

 

[marsaday]

Yes seemed clear to me too but creativesarah and susannah53 mightn't agree.