Cuddly friend in bed?

[mcgradie]

Hi everyone

Our mum has moderate AD/VD and now has a live in carer due to safeguarding issues - she was always asking men off the street into her house.

She craves a man desperately and talks about where she's going to find one pretty constantly.

She really misses having a man in her bed. (Our dad died when we were teenagers and she hasn't had a boyfriend for a long time). Can you recommend something that she could take to bed that she would find acceptable - maybe a cuddly toy with a hot water bottle in it? Anything else? All suggestions at all gratefully received.

Thanks

 

[beech mount]

Welcome to TP, i have no answer to this, is she looking for a man for company or for sex? If it is for the former take her out to meet people, but for the later....something in her bed? Sorry, not my field!
John.

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi there

I know this a continuing theme that you have posted about and I really don't have much advice. I suspect that something cuddly will not fill the bill to be honest.

I think that this is probably one of the most difficult dementia symptoms to deal with: physical violence is hard, aggressive behaviour and inappropriate or racist language to all and sundry is hard, but this, this is harder.

I can't remember - have you ever spoken to her doctors about this? I could see this as being as dangerous as walking into the road without looking and I would hope the medical professionals would take the same approach.

I know this is a radical step but: if it was my mother I would be seeking to get her sectioned or placed somewhere for assessment, since this desire she has for a person, anyone, to share her bed is incredibly dangerous for her and puts her in an appallingly vulnerable position.

 

[Butter]

I think the doctors will be familiar with this problem. And they should be able to help manage the symptoms.

 

[Saffie]

Can you recommend something that she could take to bed that she would find acceptable - maybe a cuddly toy with a hot water bottle in it? Anything else?

If you think, as your post suggests, that this might help, why not try it? It's not an expensive thing to buy and there are plenty around now. If it doesn't help settle your mother, then nothing is really lost and you will know that it is important that you take the advice given bu others above and contact her doctor about it. good luck.

 

[CeliaW]

I have seen various different ones advertised recently but might this be helpful?

http://www.amazon.com/DeluxeComfort-P009-Boyfriend-Pillow/dp/B002RWJ9S8

 

[jan1962]

Hi there,

just read your post and what a quoundrie you are in. as other have said i would contact her GP for advice. if she is known to wander then this is a problem in it self i see yo have a live in carer but is this enough. she may need to be assessed and this may mean a spell in an assessment unit. i know this sound horrible but they are not that bad.

i used to have a lady in the care home that had a similar problem but hers was more a sexual need and i cannot say what she did, but to help alleviate the problem a certain item was bought for her. it late came to light that the problem was as result of her being sexually abused and this had been going on for a while and no one knew about it till she told a junior member of staff. (it was a family member).


so please get your mum to the doctor before anything happens.


jan1962

 

[mcgradie]

Thanks all.

I might say I did smile at the boyfriend pillow but actually...now you mention it...why not?!!

With Mum it's not really a sexual need (thankfully) it's a physical craving for a man. We have to be careful when she is around men - for instance we arranged for her carpets to be cleaned last week and kept tickling the carpet cleaner, she couldn't keep away from him. She is still very charming with it and that's a relief, but the disinhibition is a problem.

Social services are aware and are doing a safeguarding assessment. The main thing that's made a massive difference is having a live in carer - no one would get past Fortunate. Because Mum is with someone all the time she can't wander off and find people.

Thanks again, always good to know we are not alone.

 

[Isabella41]

You can also get a really large pillow. Its about perhaps 4ft long. I had one when I was pregant to take the weight of my bump. I used to lie up to it and it did feel like I was cuddling someone. If you look on the internet with any of the disabled suppies companies they are readily available.

Isabella

 

[mcgradie]

You can also get a really large pillow. Its about perhaps 4ft long. I had one when I was pregant to take the weight of my bump. I used to lie up to it and it did feel like I was cuddling someone. If you look on the internet with any of the disabled suppies companies they are readily available.

Isabella

Thanks, good idea