Trying to cope with christmas

[muriel.elliott]

Hi all,
I have not been on here for a couple of weeks. I have been thinking about you all but i just have not done a lot to report. Have looked now and again.
I decided to put my christmas decorations up today. Maxine came over yesterday after she finished work and got the boxes out of the loft for me. I have friends coming for a meal next thursday and will not see them again before christmas so am going to make it a bit special. I thought i was coping really well until i came to the tree. Bryan used to put it together and put the lights on, then i would decorate it. I know i did it last year without him but it seemed harder this time for some reason. Not really pleased with the way the lights are situated but it is too late now.
I went up to Bryans grave this morning and had to bring the vase back home with frozen dead flowers in it. I will go back up again in a day or two with fresh ones.
I saw Spencer again last weekend which was lovely. Apparently they put their decorations up today too. Also had christmas music on. I could not manage to listen to them i am afraid. I do really love it but at the moment the thought of that was just too much.
Love and hugs Muriel xx

 

[jaymor]

Hi Muriel,

So difficult, like you my husband was the technical one and I came in at the design stage. My husband is now in a nursing home so I have decided no tree and all those lights. I have bought a small wicker one that will stand on the side table. There is something at every turn, seems so unfair at times. Have a really nice time this week with your visitors.

Jay

 

[jan.s]

Hi Muriel and Jay

I'm struggling too with Christmas looming. We have always had a real tree, and so I decided to have one again this year. I put it up by myself last year, so even though Roger is in a care home this year, I have decided to carry on. This will be my first Christmas without him, but I will try to be positive.

I hope your meal goes well Muriel and your guests enjoy the decorations.

Jan xx

 

[muriel.elliott]

Hi Jay,
I lost bryan nearly 20 months ago now. Even last year i decided i would !do! crhistmas, he loved it so much before the dreaded desease took him that i thought he would want me to carry on. It was very hard especially as i was really quite poorly healthwise, in fact even passed out on the bathroom floor one night which i had never done before. So i had to cancel going to my son and everything went really pear shaped as they say.
It does seem so unfair at times as you say.
Love ands hugs Muriel xx

 

[garnuft]

My best friend lost her husband in August this year, he had type1 diabetes from 28yrs old. She found him gone on the bedroom floor one morning, while the kettle boiled for breakfast tea. He was 58. She is bereft. Her family, perhaps in their fear of her grief, are expecting her to move on.
He was the one that did everything, her home is a showcase of his talents, their garden is too.
She is afraid of Christmas. I don't know how to help her other than being her wheels when I can, her husband drove her everywhere and just letting her cry and scream.
She puts on a brave face but she is tormented by her loss.
Christmas is just an added weight for her.
For her sake and all of you who feel the pain of loss, whatever the guise, I shall be glad when it is Spring.
My heart goes out to you,
Gwen X

 

[jan.s]

My best friend lost her husband in August this year, he had type1 diabetes from 28yrs old. She found him gone on the bedroom floor one morning, while the kettle boiled for breakfast tea. He was 58. She is bereft. Her family, perhaps in their fear of her grief, are expecting her to move on.
He was the one that did everything, her home is a showcase of his talents, their garden is too.
She is afraid of Christmas. I don't know how to help her other than being her wheels when I can, her husband drove her everywhere and just letting her cry and scream.
She puts on a brave face but she is tormented by her loss.
Christmas is just an added weight for her.
For her sake and all of you who feel the pain of loss, whatever the guise, I shall be glad when it is Spring.
My heart goes out to you,
Gwen X

Dear Gwen
I don't want to hijack Muriel's thread, but wanted to say how sad it is for your friend, especially as her family don't seem to understand. Maybe she needs to share with them how she feels. She is very lucky to have such a good friend in you.

For me Christmas has always been a very special time for us, we always spent it together, with just the two of us - now it's me and the dog! I shall visit the care home and try to feel Christmassy. As you say, roll on spring.

Jan xx

 

[Meercat]

Muriel - I hope it is some sort of release to share on here what must be a really difficult time. It's lovely you want to continue the routine you use to do together and maybe having those downer moments means you can be strong when you have your friends round for a Pre- Christmas gathering.

I found it helped to do things slightly differently - have Xmas dinner in the evening instead of midday, start new things - we've stopped having Christmas cake and buy a panetonne?

Take care

 

[JenniferW]

I'd also like to suggest making some sort of change. I saw what my mother did after my father died (a long time ago), and I've gone through divorce to being single again, and am now part of a very small family - just 3 of us - where one has Alzheimer's. Now, we do a sort of Christmas-lite together. We do almost nothing in the way of decorations, but do do something, but it's almost not much more than having jars of seasonal flowers or greenery. We send and give Christmas cards, but decided years ago we no longer wanted special presents. We have nice meals, but they're more and more just nice things that we fancy and less and less like traditional Christmas dinners. We sit around doing a jigsaw on Christmas Day, now, almost as a ritual. But in the past we've each done different things, including being away on a holiday somewhere warm and sunny for Christmas, and including visiting friends for one meal, different friends for the next meal, etc. They've all worked, and in some ways it's been nice to do different things - you remember that year by what you did that Christmas. And one single friend always spends Christmas Day working as a volunteer, and she has a great time, and that's at the back of my mind for when I've run out of other things to do.