My mother has alz at stage 6, very severe. Me (age 25), my brother (21) and my father live in the home (my brother and I have always done the vast majority of the care). This has gone on for five, almost six years. She's not in a good way now. We love her very much.
Our difficulty has arisen over time and has been created by our dad. He has always shown a lack of interest in my mother, and us. Kind of just ignored us and we ignored him as a result, aside from massive arguments involving just about anything. This has gone from bad to worse. Over the 5 years my mother got involved in the Alz society clubs, but now she has been asked not to go to them anymore as she was reacting badly to others (but never to me and my brother). She now relies totally on me and my brother. My father has refused to have a care assessment and pct for years then agreed (when we basically insisted as a family including my sister, who lives separately). The care assessment he cancelled numerous times. This time my brother has arranged it and he cannot cancel it. Which caused a huge argument. After a huge argument just 21/08 he threatened to kick us both out of the house etc, we're only still there for mother, both of us have made it so clear for so long that we want to move on and whats best for mother. She deserves a care home and even with both me and my brother there we were not doing enough. Dad told us during this argument that he planned to drag this on for another four months and would agree to putting mother in a care home after that time. The care assessment was brought forward by my mothers nurse (social care side), after we called her regarding the argument.
The house is full of threats and anger (all him), the whole place is a tip a million trip hazards (even after warnings by visitors including that nurse) and hes done nothing. There's been threats of physical violence. If me and my brother are not there then he has no problem with just leaving my mother. We've informed him this is neglect but he changes nothing.
The reason for all of this is the question! My father has (only) lasting financial power of attorney over my mother. Until this argument 21/08 he never discussed this with us, but during it he said that my mother had no assets. That she had nothing. This is a lie, aside from her savings she inherited £80 000, which we know still existed. So he does not want a means test as he has stolen from my mother. I called the office of the public guardian to report and they required proof to investigate! Aside from her brothers having evidence of the inheritance this is difficult. He also mentioned he intends to fund the care home privately (avoiding the means test and getting away with stealing the money).
We need mother to be out of his grip. We (the whole family apart from him) want her to be safe in a care home. And he will lie and deceive during the care assessment to avoid it. Any advice would be appreciated on action regarding his abusing mother financially and is there anything we can do to reduce his power in the situation. And what advice during the assessment (which will likely get quite heated, as he will deny his neglect etc forcefully).
Jonny
Our difficulty has arisen over time and has been created by our dad. He has always shown a lack of interest in my mother, and us. Kind of just ignored us and we ignored him as a result, aside from massive arguments involving just about anything. This has gone from bad to worse. Over the 5 years my mother got involved in the Alz society clubs, but now she has been asked not to go to them anymore as she was reacting badly to others (but never to me and my brother). She now relies totally on me and my brother. My father has refused to have a care assessment and pct for years then agreed (when we basically insisted as a family including my sister, who lives separately). The care assessment he cancelled numerous times. This time my brother has arranged it and he cannot cancel it. Which caused a huge argument. After a huge argument just 21/08 he threatened to kick us both out of the house etc, we're only still there for mother, both of us have made it so clear for so long that we want to move on and whats best for mother. She deserves a care home and even with both me and my brother there we were not doing enough. Dad told us during this argument that he planned to drag this on for another four months and would agree to putting mother in a care home after that time. The care assessment was brought forward by my mothers nurse (social care side), after we called her regarding the argument.
The house is full of threats and anger (all him), the whole place is a tip a million trip hazards (even after warnings by visitors including that nurse) and hes done nothing. There's been threats of physical violence. If me and my brother are not there then he has no problem with just leaving my mother. We've informed him this is neglect but he changes nothing.
The reason for all of this is the question! My father has (only) lasting financial power of attorney over my mother. Until this argument 21/08 he never discussed this with us, but during it he said that my mother had no assets. That she had nothing. This is a lie, aside from her savings she inherited £80 000, which we know still existed. So he does not want a means test as he has stolen from my mother. I called the office of the public guardian to report and they required proof to investigate! Aside from her brothers having evidence of the inheritance this is difficult. He also mentioned he intends to fund the care home privately (avoiding the means test and getting away with stealing the money).
We need mother to be out of his grip. We (the whole family apart from him) want her to be safe in a care home. And he will lie and deceive during the care assessment to avoid it. Any advice would be appreciated on action regarding his abusing mother financially and is there anything we can do to reduce his power in the situation. And what advice during the assessment (which will likely get quite heated, as he will deny his neglect etc forcefully).
Jonny
