How does incontinence Start?

tre

Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
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Herts
Having seen the other thread regarding these issues I wanted to ask others experiences of this. My husband is not incontinent. We had a short phase of urinary incontinence when he had been catheterised, none too gently I think, whilst in hosptal under anaesthetic, which lasted a couple of weeks but we resolved this once at home.
He did have an accident ( urine) at Day Care when the carer did not realise that when he is taken to the toilet he needs to be prompted through every stage i.e pull down trousers, pull down pants, sit on loo, OK now you can use toilet etc. He cannot wipe himself although he does sometimes find the loo roll but it just ends up used and on the floor. He does not mind at all being helped. Carer took him in and whilst still standing up with trousers and pants up she asked him if he was OK. He said "can I go now?" She said yes and so he did wetting pants and trousers. This was some months back and has not been repeated. However, sometimes when he needs to go in the night or is worrying about something during the day we do have the up down hokey cokey thing with the trousers but I can still make a joke of it and get him back on track. Is this the beginning of incontinence? Does it start with daytime accidents or night time or is it varable? Does urinary incontinence come first? Or is it different for everyone. He has no problem realising when he heeds the loo but sometimes he starts to fidget rather than get the words out but will say yes if asked if he needs to go. I am hoping this may be a problem a long way down the line but when the other poster mentioned the hokey cokey trousers it made me wonder, so I thought it best to start a new thread rather than hijack the other one
Tre
 

Kathphlox

Registered User
Dec 16, 2009
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Bolton
Dad's incontinence started in the daytime..very suddenly, he hadn't even known about it, I just noticed that he was wet..of course this was late in the afternoon on a Friday.. things always happen late on Friday don't they..lol.

But from that day we had pads on him all the time, he would go to the toilet himself for quite a while, but I had to stand with him with a bottle at the ready, he'd forgotten how to aim and I never ever managed to get him to sit down to wee :(

Well, it was down hill from there after a few months :eek:
 

rajahh

Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
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Hertfordshire
Gordon started at night, so it just shows we are all different.

He is so sleepy at night and unable to get out of bed easily, so he had a bottle and a bucket by the side of the bed to empty it in.

He also has prostate cancer so needed to urinate many times during the night. It was the tiredness which did it really.

However as the prostate cancer has advanced he is now virtually passing urine every time he gets up on his feet and walks. so although he feels he needs to go by the time he gets there it is finished.

Gordon has had to sit on the loo for over 7 years as he became non weight bearing then for a few years.

Tre you do well with your husband and I ghope that he will never become incontinent, although if handled well it does not cause embarassment.

Jeannette
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
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North West
Tre, you've raised an interesting point which I've tried, unsuccessfully, to get info on. My tentative conclusion is that, as always, everyone is different. The one thing that seems certain is that the continence specialists and the dementia specialists all seem certain that, at the first sign of a problem, there's nothing that can be done - apart from, if you're lucky, the provision of pads/pants.

I'm not sure that the hokey cokey trousers mean that incontinence is imminent. Isn't it more like a momentary confusion? And at least he's trying to do things for himself!

Wishing you an incontinence-free existence life, hopefully for months and years.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
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Brixham Devon
This may be a strange statement but I'm not sure if my husband is incontinent or not! the reason I feel this is because I recognise the signs when Pete needs to go. There is a bit of a sharp intake of breath when he needs a poo, and lots of moving about when he needs a wee. Never ever do we leave home before trying to use the toilet.I always find the disabled toilet when we arrive somewhere so I know where to head for later in the day. As Tre says it's also a matter of guidance through the whole procedure. Trousers down, pants down etc.Without instructions he may go to the toilet but then he forgets why he is there!
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
This may be a strange statement but I'm not sure if my husband is incontinent or not! the reason I feel this is because I recognise the signs when Pete needs to go. There is a bit of a sharp intake of breath when he needs a poo, and lots of moving about when he needs a wee. Never ever do we leave home before trying to use the toilet.I always find the disabled toilet when we arrive somewhere so I know where to head for later in the day. As Tre says it's also a matter of guidance through the whole procedure. Trousers down, pants down etc.Without instructions he may go to the toilet but then he forgets why he is there!

All I can say is..... SNAP!!
 

Jenijill

Registered User
Mar 12, 2012
223
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Guildford
Snap again! After my initial fear that he'd become fecal incontinence, I've been reasured by the community matron, that at that time he was probably constipated. Now he knows he needs to go to toilet, not always sure until he gets there whether it will be wee or poo:cool: I have to remind him to take down trousers etc etc, but he doesn't mind even happy for me to wipe his bottom :D
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
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Brixham Devon
Snap again! After my initial fear that he'd become fecal incontinence, I've been reasured by the community matron, that at that time he was probably constipated. Now he knows he needs to go to toilet, not always sure until he gets there whether it will be wee or poo:cool: I have to remind him to take down trousers etc etc, but he doesn't mind even happy for me to wipe his bottom :D

Strange isn't it about bottom wiping! My husband used to be very private. Now he doesn't mind using the bathroom with the door open or having assistance with wiping. No complaints no anguish. Grateful really in an odd type of way.
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,712
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North West
Strange isn't it about bottom wiping! My husband used to be very private. Now he doesn't mind using the bathroom with the door open or having assistance with wiping. No complaints no anguish. Grateful really in an odd type of way.

Yes, there comes a point when it's better to do it yourself than deal with the consequences of it being done very inadequately. When I found myself desperately trying to sponge poo off hotel sheets, for the second time, I realised that I would be doing it from then on. As it happens, my wife doesn't mind me doing it and I don't mind doing it (though it was very hard during a period this time last year when for several months she had what people would call 'late stage' symptoms).

In our case constipation was the starting point, leading to faecal incontinence and then, later and gradually, to urinary incontinence.

Also, for a while, I could not get her to wee during the day so you could say she was continent, during the day. She made up for it at night, of course.:) The continence clinic, as with other things, had no explanation.
 

flowerpot

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Jul 27, 2010
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Rural North Northumberland
Yes, there comes a point when it's better to do it yourself than deal with the consequences of it being done very inadequately. When I found myself desperately trying to sponge poo off hotel sheets, for the second time, I realised that I would be doing it from then on. As it happens, my wife doesn't mind me doing it and I don't mind doing it (though it was very hard during a period this time last year when for several months she had what people would call 'late stage' symptoms).

In our case constipation was the starting point, leading to faecal incontinence and then, later and gradually, to urinary incontinence.

Also, for a while, I could not get her to wee during the day so you could say she was continent, during the day. She made up for it at night, of course.:) The continence clinic, as with other things, had no explanation.

This is where we're at with my MiL. She usually goes when I get her up sometimes not and then can go all day until very late and then decide she needs to go. Of course it's like the monsoon season during the night :eek:She also won't drink very much either so I don't think that helps. But what can you do apart from keep cleaning and washing and doing it all over again and again.....
 

tre

Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
1,352
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Herts
I think maybe one good thing that came out of my husbands time in hospital ( hip fracture) was that he got used to sitting down to use the toilet. He also does not know whether it is a wee or more but this is not a problem with his sitting down.
We too had incidents with bedsheets being soiled because of inadequate wiping when he did it himself so I asked him if he was OK with my helping him. He did not object and that cut down on the washing and, as Stanley said, is better when you are away from home. I had thought he would not like my wiping him and if I had realised how well he would accept it I would have tried it earlier and this would have prevented his trying to wipe himself inadequately and dropping the soiled paper either on the floor around the loo or in the washbasin. Also I can be sure that his hands are washed and clean so there is another benefit.
I also make sure he has been to the toilet before we leave the house and also could mark on a map the locations of the disabled loos in the places we normally go. I make it my priority to find this out when we go somewhere new. For example, when we went to my nephew's wedding reception last month, before the staff got busy, I asked them to point out the disabled loo. Just as well as it was not near the other loos although it was in an accessible location.
Same for me as others have said in that you get to know by the body language that a visit to the loo might be needed.
I wonder if we might have been lucky by having got a toiletting routine established reasonably early on.
Part of the reason I started this discussion was that the mattress on our bed really needs replacing but I wondered if I got a new one it would be tempting fate and an accident may occur. Probably the sensible course of action is to repace it but get a waterproof cover and put it on from the start.
Tre
 

Sox

Registered User
Mar 12, 2011
325
0
I have only just picked up on this thread because I have been off line for a few days. It is possible to get a waterproof mattress - waterproof on one side and ordinary on the other. I got one for my father a few years ago from a local furniture store. They also had waterproof bedding i.e. mattress covers, duvet covers, even pillow cases and they all worked really well.

I kept all these when my father sadly passed away and used them with my husband when he started with incontinence last year. Incidentally he started overnight - he just got up one morning and peed all over the floor by the side of the bed and followed by peeing all down his trousers all day (as someone else said - a Friday) until I could get pads via the DN - he used pads from that day onwards!

Good luck. Sox
 

Misprint

Registered User
Sep 13, 2012
65
0
Disabled toilets

Although my sister is not incontinent, when we are out together I am always careful to make sure we have frequent loo stops as we did have a problem once and i am still not sure what happened, i wont go into details here but I do think sometimes it would be sensible to use the disabled toilet so I could help if requested. Sometimes the disabled toilets are locked, how do you obtain a key for these. Do you need to be registered disabled to be eligible for a key?

It is a bit of a minefield for me as my BIL is still finding acceptance difficult and will not accept help for fear of 'people coming in and taking over'. He says 'things are not that bad yet'.

Thanks in advance.
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,034
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74
Durham
Although my sister is not incontinent, when we are out together I am always careful to make sure we have frequent loo stops as we did have a problem once and i am still not sure what happened, i wont go into details here but I do think sometimes it would be sensible to use the disabled toilet so I could help if requested. Sometimes the disabled toilets are locked, how do you obtain a key for these. Do you need to be registered disabled to be eligible for a key?

It is a bit of a minefield for me as my BIL is still finding acceptance difficult and will not accept help for fear of 'people coming in and taking over'. He says 'things are not that bad yet'.

Thanks in advance.

Hi Misprint Age UK have them

https://www.ageukincontinence.co.uk...t-keys-4290/?gclid=CN-Ppovhr7MCFUfJtAodOmYA2w

Jeany x
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,703
0
Wiltshire
In my experience, full incontinence was a gradual process. By this I mean that it started out like you describe, Tre, with my mother having the occasional accident. Using a pad then was introduced as a means of preserving her dignity when around other people and she still went to the toilet but if she didn't reach there in time, then no one would really know. When she moved to a care home then they continued with the pads because she was confused as to where the toilets were and therefore had to wait for assistance. I think that a nursing home also find the use of pads more convenient so it is difficult to precisly point the time when you could say that medically she had become fully incontinent.

Personally I believe that the stage that you are at now Tre can, even if you introduce the odd pad to preserve dignity etc, continue for quite a while by doing exactly what you are doing just now.

Fiona

PS the disabled keys are also available on Amazon
 

sussexsue

Registered User
Jun 10, 2009
1,527
0
West Sussex
as they say, everyone is different. Right to the end my mum was only ever incontinent when she had an infection, when she would be in bed and not even wake up enough to realise she needed to go.