Has anyone else watched this programme?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01nlmtg/Golden_Oldies/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01nlmtg/Golden_Oldies/
Golden Oldies
- Thread starter CeliaW
- Start date
"Duration: 1 hour
This affectionate insight into being old today sees three Golden Oldies pass on their astute and humorous insights on becoming old and poor, and the stark choices they now face in their twilight years. Full of wisdom, independent spirit and hard-earned perspective, their stories make you ask, 'Could this happen to me?'
Doris is 84, and won't let a living soul (including the film-maker) inside her chaotic Clacton home - for fear that social services will take it away from her.
Feisty Kitty in Exeter is also 84. She shows us her Kate Moss-inspired knicker and bra collection, and dreams of a miracle cure to an illness like most dream of winning the lottery.
And then there's relatively youthful and charismatic Frank from Liverpool, who at 72 has lost his family to emigration. With no-one left, he has lost the will to carry on - but not his intelligence or tragic humour. Self-imprisoned in his own home like a character from a Samuel Beckett play, his neighbours rarely see him. He hasn't had a bath in years - mainly because he doesn't have one. He's reminiscent of an older, helpless Boo Radley from Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird."
This affectionate insight into being old today sees three Golden Oldies pass on their astute and humorous insights on becoming old and poor, and the stark choices they now face in their twilight years. Full of wisdom, independent spirit and hard-earned perspective, their stories make you ask, 'Could this happen to me?'
Doris is 84, and won't let a living soul (including the film-maker) inside her chaotic Clacton home - for fear that social services will take it away from her.
Feisty Kitty in Exeter is also 84. She shows us her Kate Moss-inspired knicker and bra collection, and dreams of a miracle cure to an illness like most dream of winning the lottery.
And then there's relatively youthful and charismatic Frank from Liverpool, who at 72 has lost his family to emigration. With no-one left, he has lost the will to carry on - but not his intelligence or tragic humour. Self-imprisoned in his own home like a character from a Samuel Beckett play, his neighbours rarely see him. He hasn't had a bath in years - mainly because he doesn't have one. He's reminiscent of an older, helpless Boo Radley from Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird."
Yes it was good, but poor Frank independent i know but left to live and die in this way is wrong.
John.
John.
I had very mixed feelings watching it, sadness and admiring their resilience and feistiness in the face of adversity. I came away thinking that this should be viewed by social workers and others of that ilk to make them realise the person behind the case notes number and they are a person with their own history, fears and feelings and not just a statistic in their workload. Also, that things and reasons arent always what they appear on the surface.
Celia
I have just watched the video
I don't know whether to thank you or curse you ( only joking )
I found it was amazingly true (I am 83)
I struggle sometimes to understand why I want to live on my own ,
instead of the supposed comfort etc that 'seems' to bless those people in homes
I can relate to the sentiments of the people in the video who for all of their difficulties prefer to keep their independence
The episodes where they were recounting their younger days and the pictures of them in their youth were very moving, especially the wedding photographs . I find my own wedding pictures ‘sad’ but at the same time happy memories of a life now past
I think the scene where the old chap was ‘ dancing’ to
‘Smile what’s the use of Crying’ fairly sums it up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=I85ApzR43jU#t=10s
Thank you for posting
Jimbo 111
I have just watched the video
I don't know whether to thank you or curse you ( only joking )
I found it was amazingly true (I am 83)
I struggle sometimes to understand why I want to live on my own ,
instead of the supposed comfort etc that 'seems' to bless those people in homes
I can relate to the sentiments of the people in the video who for all of their difficulties prefer to keep their independence
The episodes where they were recounting their younger days and the pictures of them in their youth were very moving, especially the wedding photographs . I find my own wedding pictures ‘sad’ but at the same time happy memories of a life now past
I think the scene where the old chap was ‘ dancing’ to
‘Smile what’s the use of Crying’ fairly sums it up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=I85ApzR43jU#t=10s
Thank you for posting
Jimbo 111
we watched this programme and loved the three people in it.
There's a local LINK befriending scheme which I will look into more once mum has passed away, to visit isolated and lonely people in their own homes. Seems like a great idea and I bet both parties benefit from the friendships equally.
There's a local LINK befriending scheme which I will look into more once mum has passed away, to visit isolated and lonely people in their own homes. Seems like a great idea and I bet both parties benefit from the friendships equally.
Soobee - we run a befriending scheme from the CVS where I work and I know the manager and quite a few of the volunteers. I can honestly say that both sides - volunteer and client, get a huge amount of pleasure from it.
We publish articles about our services in "local" magazines and hopefully you will find the one about Befriending interesting. I would urge anyone who likes the idea to contact their local CVS or Volunteer Centre to see if there is one run in their area.
"You know the warm feeling you get when you know a friend is coming to visit – the door bell rings – in they come – on goes the kettle – tea is poured – and before you know it an hour or more has flown by.
You’ve caught up with news – gossip – put the world to rights and feel better for it.
For many older people this no longer happens and many hours are spent alone.
This wasn’t always so, most have led busy, fulfilled and interesting lives.
Now in later years circumstances change, failing health, loss of mobility, loss of a partner, friend or family member, any one of these factors can make one become isolated and lonely.
The Befriending Service can and does seek to support people to enable them to feel a part of their community once again. The BS run a Visiting and Telephone Service.
‘Befriending is the simple act of giving your time to someone who needs support and companionship. Someone they know is there for them without expecting payment or a return of favour’
Gosport Befriending Service has been operating the telephone service alongside the visiting service for 8 years. During that time there have been some 900 referral enquiries.
Limited space enables me to relate only some of the many happy and successful friendships that have developed.
Mr N who was so sad and low he felt there was nothing to live for, so why bother, that was until Sophie came into his life and began to visit regularly. Mr N and Sophie became friends, Sophie would phone between her visits and go with him shopping and to medical appointments. “She’s my angel” he said “Life has meaning again. I will never again get that low because I know there are people around who will be there for me”
Mrs T whose husband and carer died suddenly thought she may not be able to remain in her home – that was until she had a visitor who helped in practical ways as well as visiting regularly.
Mr S’s wife died, he was lost, cooking was alien to him and he had no idea how he would cope. His visitor chatted with him and advised him on simple recipes. Eventually he joined a social group and cancelled the visitor saying he felt he could manage and focus on moving forward.
Currently there are nearly 60 volunteers registered. Volunteers are dedicated and caring people and willing to go that extra mile. They genuinely care for the people they contact and look upon them as a part of their family.
As one volunteer said when the lady she had been visiting for a long time died,
“I felt it was like losing my mum”
BS volunteers are amazing, without them there is no service."
We publish articles about our services in "local" magazines and hopefully you will find the one about Befriending interesting. I would urge anyone who likes the idea to contact their local CVS or Volunteer Centre to see if there is one run in their area.
"You know the warm feeling you get when you know a friend is coming to visit – the door bell rings – in they come – on goes the kettle – tea is poured – and before you know it an hour or more has flown by.
You’ve caught up with news – gossip – put the world to rights and feel better for it.
For many older people this no longer happens and many hours are spent alone.
This wasn’t always so, most have led busy, fulfilled and interesting lives.
Now in later years circumstances change, failing health, loss of mobility, loss of a partner, friend or family member, any one of these factors can make one become isolated and lonely.
The Befriending Service can and does seek to support people to enable them to feel a part of their community once again. The BS run a Visiting and Telephone Service.
‘Befriending is the simple act of giving your time to someone who needs support and companionship. Someone they know is there for them without expecting payment or a return of favour’
Gosport Befriending Service has been operating the telephone service alongside the visiting service for 8 years. During that time there have been some 900 referral enquiries.
Limited space enables me to relate only some of the many happy and successful friendships that have developed.
Mr N who was so sad and low he felt there was nothing to live for, so why bother, that was until Sophie came into his life and began to visit regularly. Mr N and Sophie became friends, Sophie would phone between her visits and go with him shopping and to medical appointments. “She’s my angel” he said “Life has meaning again. I will never again get that low because I know there are people around who will be there for me”
Mrs T whose husband and carer died suddenly thought she may not be able to remain in her home – that was until she had a visitor who helped in practical ways as well as visiting regularly.
Mr S’s wife died, he was lost, cooking was alien to him and he had no idea how he would cope. His visitor chatted with him and advised him on simple recipes. Eventually he joined a social group and cancelled the visitor saying he felt he could manage and focus on moving forward.
Currently there are nearly 60 volunteers registered. Volunteers are dedicated and caring people and willing to go that extra mile. They genuinely care for the people they contact and look upon them as a part of their family.
As one volunteer said when the lady she had been visiting for a long time died,
“I felt it was like losing my mum”
BS volunteers are amazing, without them there is no service."
Jimbo - I am glad you aren't cursing me 
Sometimes its difficult to watch such programmes - given the last couple of days I have had, I hesitated but am glad I did. I am glad you mostly found it good and yes, very poignant watching Frank dancing and humming the song.
Sometimes its difficult to watch such programmes - given the last couple of days I have had, I hesitated but am glad I did. I am glad you mostly found it good and yes, very poignant watching Frank dancing and humming the song.
I watched this programme, Celia, and like you I had very mixed feelings. Deep sadness, much admiration.
Fear because this year I have had a taste of what it is like to be extremely vulnerable, and old. My age and physical problems have been the least of my concerns since dementia came into our lives about 9 years or so ago.
Then in March I was in hospital three weeks followed by months of being housebound and alone. Except for one kind near neighbour who did some shopping and after some months, once I could walk from my house to her car, took me to visit my husband once a week. I was unable to drive again for over three months.
My daughter who lives about 150 miles north came down twice for several nights while I was in hospital and two over-night stays soon after I came home. But she is married, has her family life, a full-time job, responsibilies and commitments, and like many parents with no family living nearby, or living abroad, and who do not often see their adult children we were an independent couple who got on with our everyday lives, and now I am living alone, that has contiued.
In hospital after several days of drifting in and out of consciousness I 'came to' in a geriatric ward with mainly dementia patients. I personally experienced the terribly wrong attitudes to the elderly and witnessed it concerning patients who did have dementia. It was a traumatic experience which still affects me, not only on a personal level, but concerning the elderly and particular the elderly with dementia who have to go to hospital.
We know it happens, but to experience it yourself really hammers it home.
It made me feel not only sympathy but empathy with the three people in the programme. Like Jimbo, I could relate to them.
I have experienced how it feels to have your independence endangered. Something I previously took for granted, but now fear ever losing it - or having it taken from me. Celia, I doubt if social workers can see an individual as a person with their own history. They can only see a vulnerable person as 'a case'.
Doris, Kitty and Frank are wonderful people, strong and immensely interesting characters, and long may they be able to live their chosen life styles, keep their independence. Their stories strengthened my own feelings about keeping mine. But I do now know how very suddenly and easily it could be jeopardized.
I did wonder if any TPers watched this programme but saw no mention, until your thread, Celia. Thanks for that. A lot can be learned from programmes concerning the old.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Celia, I have just read your last post. Is CVS for 'Community Volunteer Service/s'? I like the idea of the befriending scheme. I am in Scotland, I don't think there is anything like that in my area. It sounds wonderful.
Loo x PS Sorry about the icon at the top, second time that has happened with a post and I can't remove it.
I also felt fear. I am 78, now living alone since my husband went into hospital almost two years ago, never came home, now 17 months in a care home.
Fear because this year I have had a taste of what it is like to be extremely vulnerable, and old. My age and physical problems have been the least of my concerns since dementia came into our lives about 9 years or so ago.
Then in March I was in hospital three weeks followed by months of being housebound and alone. Except for one kind near neighbour who did some shopping and after some months, once I could walk from my house to her car, took me to visit my husband once a week. I was unable to drive again for over three months.
My daughter who lives about 150 miles north came down twice for several nights while I was in hospital and two over-night stays soon after I came home. But she is married, has her family life, a full-time job, responsibilies and commitments, and like many parents with no family living nearby, or living abroad, and who do not often see their adult children we were an independent couple who got on with our everyday lives, and now I am living alone, that has contiued.
In hospital after several days of drifting in and out of consciousness I 'came to' in a geriatric ward with mainly dementia patients. I personally experienced the terribly wrong attitudes to the elderly and witnessed it concerning patients who did have dementia. It was a traumatic experience which still affects me, not only on a personal level, but concerning the elderly and particular the elderly with dementia who have to go to hospital.
We know it happens, but to experience it yourself really hammers it home.
It made me feel not only sympathy but empathy with the three people in the programme. Like Jimbo, I could relate to them.
I have experienced how it feels to have your independence endangered. Something I previously took for granted, but now fear ever losing it - or having it taken from me. Celia, I doubt if social workers can see an individual as a person with their own history. They can only see a vulnerable person as 'a case'.
Doris, Kitty and Frank are wonderful people, strong and immensely interesting characters, and long may they be able to live their chosen life styles, keep their independence. Their stories strengthened my own feelings about keeping mine. But I do now know how very suddenly and easily it could be jeopardized.
I did wonder if any TPers watched this programme but saw no mention, until your thread, Celia. Thanks for that. A lot can be learned from programmes concerning the old.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Celia, I have just read your last post. Is CVS for 'Community Volunteer Service/s'? I like the idea of the befriending scheme. I am in Scotland, I don't think there is anything like that in my area. It sounds wonderful.
Loo x PS Sorry about the icon at the top, second time that has happened with a post and I can't remove it.
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Can I give you a hug first Loo? (((Loo))) Sorry to read about the difficulties you have had - and the hug is because in my humble opinion, it always seems that such difficulties then seem to overshadow all that the person has to offer and share and who they are as a person. I can see how easily it happens and I don't have an easy answer but I think maybe more of a community spirit where we look out for each other more and help out - be it formally or informally, could be the answer. I am sorry if I haven't expressed myself maybe as clearly as I could - in essence - its such a shame that physical limitations and sometimes mental ones cause such restrictions when community help and friendship could lift many of the worries and issues.
I worked for many years as a nurse and to be honest, the care system now horrifies me. When I get involved and things are wrong - be it for me or someone else, then I am very vocal and I think it is only by shouting loud, we will get things changed. I was made redundant - a whole tier of sisters and senior sisters were and, strangely enough, we all trained at similar times and had a similar patient care ethos. I was told by my (non nurse) manager that my problem was that my standards were too high. I told him he was welcome to come up to mine but I wasn't descending to his. This same manager used to say "Patients should be fed, watered and medicated, anything else is a luxury" Whenever he tried to make cuts in the quality of care we gave in my dept, like for example, not giving barium enema outpatients the correct pad and the right cleanser post procedure, I used to offer to stay after hours with no pay and carry out that procedure on him with his "minimal support" idea. Oddly enough, he never accepted but not oddly - I always won. I am wittering about this because I fear that the nurses and similar staff now don't have people who will stand up and be counted or be good role models (I hope I was albeit one who didn't always toe the line!) and so the standard of care will not improve without a serious shift in attitude, correct allocation of funding and proper management and training.
<dismounts from hobby horse and returns to main topic>
CVS is Council for Voluntary Services - I think there is a similar system in Scotland. If you would care to pm me what your home town is, can use the system at work or one of my links to find out what there is near you - if that would be of any help?
Celia
x
I worked for many years as a nurse and to be honest, the care system now horrifies me. When I get involved and things are wrong - be it for me or someone else, then I am very vocal and I think it is only by shouting loud, we will get things changed. I was made redundant - a whole tier of sisters and senior sisters were and, strangely enough, we all trained at similar times and had a similar patient care ethos. I was told by my (non nurse) manager that my problem was that my standards were too high. I told him he was welcome to come up to mine but I wasn't descending to his. This same manager used to say "Patients should be fed, watered and medicated, anything else is a luxury" Whenever he tried to make cuts in the quality of care we gave in my dept, like for example, not giving barium enema outpatients the correct pad and the right cleanser post procedure, I used to offer to stay after hours with no pay and carry out that procedure on him with his "minimal support" idea. Oddly enough, he never accepted but not oddly - I always won. I am wittering about this because I fear that the nurses and similar staff now don't have people who will stand up and be counted or be good role models (I hope I was albeit one who didn't always toe the line!) and so the standard of care will not improve without a serious shift in attitude, correct allocation of funding and proper management and training.
<dismounts from hobby horse and returns to main topic>
CVS is Council for Voluntary Services - I think there is a similar system in Scotland. If you would care to pm me what your home town is, can use the system at work or one of my links to find out what there is near you - if that would be of any help?
Celia
x
I forgot to mention in my previous post How fortunate I am compared to those portrayed in the video
In fact how fortunate any of us on TP are in comparison
WE ,whatever our age and circumastances have the advantage of being able to use the computer
Just think what a blessing it would be to those three lovely people
What a difference it could make to their lonely lives
I moan about modern technology , I can feel lonely without friends , but with a computer and the internet (and TP ) I have much to be thankful for
jimbo 111
In fact how fortunate any of us on TP are in comparison
WE ,whatever our age and circumastances have the advantage of being able to use the computer
Just think what a blessing it would be to those three lovely people
What a difference it could make to their lonely lives
I moan about modern technology , I can feel lonely without friends , but with a computer and the internet (and TP ) I have much to be thankful for
jimbo 111
Dear Celia
Thanks for the hug! It is warmly appreciated.
Over the years I have been in hospital several times, the last time before March this year was 2004. Even in that short time, 8 years, there was a vast difference in the nursing in the ward I was in this year, and then. Of all the nurses on the variouse shifts there was one good staff-nurse and an excellent 24 year old 1st year student nurse. She had all the qualities a nurse should have, and once had. I fervently hope she never loses them.
There was also only one good care assistant, a mature woman who said she loved her job, and it showed. Some of the others were beyond belief concerning their attitudes towards elderly patients, particularly those with dementia
Loo xx
Thanks for the hug!
It is warmly appreciated.All that you wrote was extremely interesting, although sad - shocking, in fact. Although I have read of other ex-nurses say very similar. You were brave to stand up to that manager, I think there are those who would like to do that but for various reasons, they don't.
Over the years I have been in hospital several times, the last time before March this year was 2004. Even in that short time, 8 years, there was a vast difference in the nursing in the ward I was in this year, and then. Of all the nurses on the variouse shifts there was one good staff-nurse and an excellent 24 year old 1st year student nurse. She had all the qualities a nurse should have, and once had. I fervently hope she never loses them.
There was also only one good care assistant, a mature woman who said she loved her job, and it showed. Some of the others were beyond belief concerning their attitudes towards elderly patients, particularly those with dementia
Thanks for that, Celia and yes it would help. I'm doubtful about this area, although may be wrong. I shall PM you later.
Loo xx
I agree with all you wrote, Jimbo.
12 years ago when we bought my first computer I had never even seen one until in the shop standing in front of them, and had never been that particularly interested. My husband knew better and was convinced I would get a lot out of having one. He bought it for me as his Christmas gift, December 1999.
I am now on my third, a laptop.
Loo x
12 years ago when we bought my first computer I had never even seen one until in the shop standing in front of them, and had never been that particularly interested. My husband knew better and was convinced I would get a lot out of having one. He bought it for me as his Christmas gift, December 1999.
I am now on my third, a laptop.
I echo that.
Loo x
We watched the programme and found it a mixture of sadness and awe. Loved Frank, what a shame his daughter in Perth doesn't keep in touch with him. Kitty is so smart and well dressed, I loved her story. Doris is wonderful, got all her marbles hasn't she. I hate though to see elderly people living alone and having no-one visiting them.
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