Firstly I apologise for the length of this post, but I really don’t know where to begin, but feel that by describing the situation someone somewhere could possibly give me some guidance.
For some time Mum was becoming a little forgetful. Not in a big way, but would be very repetitive.
Then, last year my brother sadly died at the age of 39. He was a downs syndrome boy, and Mum absolutely doted on him :- He was the focus of Mum's life. That focus has now gone, and 18 months later Mum is still absolutely grief stricken.
From the point of my brother's death, Mum's decline accelerated. (AD diagnosis has been confirmed)
As this has progressed I feel I need to put certain things in place to safeguard both Mum and Dad. (Dad is not in the best of health, but does not have AD)
Question 1.
Can total grief be mistaken for signs of AD? As Mum is so grief stricken I wondered if the symptoms could be similar? Or could it be that the grief has actually accelerated Mum's decline. I had thought of getting Mum a dog so she had something to look after and focus on but not sure.
Question 2.
Because of Mum's condition I feel that I need to put into place power of attorney. Mum is not now capable of looking after her own affairs. But my worry is that she has gone too far to make the decision to give POA to me.
We have all agreed to go and have our wills made, and have the appointment with the solicitor next week. We will also be talking about POA, but if Mum is on an "off day" we will get nowhere. The other thing to point out here is that Mum has an Obsession with money. She is convinced that when her son died, my Dad stole all his money, when in actual fact it was all transferred to my Mum's account. Mum is convinced that there is no money in her account other than the payment of her pension which she says is £6 per week !. (I was also accused of this as well, but generally Mum is not against me)
She is so against my Dad at times, even refusing to believe he is ill himself.(Dad has emphasymia)
If anything were to happen to Dad, Mum would have no idea and would not be capable of dealing with property and financial affairs, so therefore I feel it is imperative to get something into place. My biggest fear is I would be accused of doing
this for the wrong reasons, and that it is too late for attorney. I also need to protect my Dad as if it came to the situation that Mum had to go into care, would Dad's home be under threat ?.
Question 3.
Whilst Mum is ok (ish) when talking to people directly, she has conversations with herself that is usually very accusing of people doing things. We now have the situation where Mum not only thinks her money has been taken, she thinks Dad is having an affair with her sister (they are both over 80!!) and that people keep ringing her up asking when she is moving out. I have been living with my parents over the past week or so and I have been quite shocked at the way Mum has declined.
So much so that I wonder if I should move back permanently, despite the fact that I have a business to run.
She is not at the stage where she is incontinent or anything like that but the personal appearance has definitely taken a downturn but she will deny that her appearance is not as it should be. It is dealing with this that I find hard along with the change in personality and thoughts on a daily basis. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sorry for the rant... but I really am at the stage where I am very worried.
For some time Mum was becoming a little forgetful. Not in a big way, but would be very repetitive.
Then, last year my brother sadly died at the age of 39. He was a downs syndrome boy, and Mum absolutely doted on him :- He was the focus of Mum's life. That focus has now gone, and 18 months later Mum is still absolutely grief stricken.
From the point of my brother's death, Mum's decline accelerated. (AD diagnosis has been confirmed)
As this has progressed I feel I need to put certain things in place to safeguard both Mum and Dad. (Dad is not in the best of health, but does not have AD)
Question 1.
Can total grief be mistaken for signs of AD? As Mum is so grief stricken I wondered if the symptoms could be similar? Or could it be that the grief has actually accelerated Mum's decline. I had thought of getting Mum a dog so she had something to look after and focus on but not sure.
Question 2.
Because of Mum's condition I feel that I need to put into place power of attorney. Mum is not now capable of looking after her own affairs. But my worry is that she has gone too far to make the decision to give POA to me.
We have all agreed to go and have our wills made, and have the appointment with the solicitor next week. We will also be talking about POA, but if Mum is on an "off day" we will get nowhere. The other thing to point out here is that Mum has an Obsession with money. She is convinced that when her son died, my Dad stole all his money, when in actual fact it was all transferred to my Mum's account. Mum is convinced that there is no money in her account other than the payment of her pension which she says is £6 per week !. (I was also accused of this as well, but generally Mum is not against me)
She is so against my Dad at times, even refusing to believe he is ill himself.(Dad has emphasymia)
If anything were to happen to Dad, Mum would have no idea and would not be capable of dealing with property and financial affairs, so therefore I feel it is imperative to get something into place. My biggest fear is I would be accused of doing
this for the wrong reasons, and that it is too late for attorney. I also need to protect my Dad as if it came to the situation that Mum had to go into care, would Dad's home be under threat ?.
Question 3.
Whilst Mum is ok (ish) when talking to people directly, she has conversations with herself that is usually very accusing of people doing things. We now have the situation where Mum not only thinks her money has been taken, she thinks Dad is having an affair with her sister (they are both over 80!!) and that people keep ringing her up asking when she is moving out. I have been living with my parents over the past week or so and I have been quite shocked at the way Mum has declined.
So much so that I wonder if I should move back permanently, despite the fact that I have a business to run.
She is not at the stage where she is incontinent or anything like that but the personal appearance has definitely taken a downturn but she will deny that her appearance is not as it should be. It is dealing with this that I find hard along with the change in personality and thoughts on a daily basis. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sorry for the rant... but I really am at the stage where I am very worried.
