Help needed please!!

[vickic]

Hi all, im vicki, im 28 and as of today I am becoming my grandads full time carer. He has quite late stage dementia, we have been dealing with this for approx 8 years, my nan taking primary care of him. But she is 89 so that is ridiculous!! To give you an overview of his capabilities, he can sometimes put his clothes on he sort of knows where the toilet is (sometimes!) His vocabulary is about 300 words! So I have taken 6 months off work to take care of him for my nan at their house, but anyway my questions...

What can I do that will keep him interactive? I.e simple tasks or games that have worked for other people?

What to put in his room to keep him entertained at night? I was going to try pictures, glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling.

And what the hell do you buy someone for xmas when they can't remember their own name? LOL!!!

 

[dek1165]

Hello Vicki,
My mum has dementia and loves playing with shoes. My dad, who feels terribly guilty even though he's an absolute hero with caring for her, has put together a rummage box containing bright coloured shoes, assorted handbags and bright hats. Mum loves it and can sit for hours just trying them on and rummaging around. Something that she puts down because she's bored of playing with it is, two minutes later, a novelty again. For her birthday I'm going to buy her some bright coloured cros and a big box of Roses as she still loves a bit of chocolate.
Good luck

Jon

 

[TinaT]

If grandad worked with his hands, then something like children's large duplex bricks can be used to build a tower etc., with your help - or sorting out the colours of the bricks, and tv can be a help as some programmes specialise in old films or you can get dvd's. There are also history channels on tv which you can watch and talk to him about. A 'walk' to the shops (in my case it was pushing the wheelchair), or a visit to a bowling match or watching children in the park on good days, can be a good activitiy or simply taking him to alocal pub when there is a football match, or cricket match on can be good. He may love the company of others in the pub..

What things did grandad used to do? Build up ideas based on this. For example if he had a tool box, that can keep him occupied tidying it up.

The more simple the ideas, the more likely they are to be successful.

I wouldn't put much stimulation in the bedroom, things which glow in the dark or give stimulation can cause quite a fright if his memory is poor as he wouldn't have a clue what they were in the middle of the night.

Good luck with your quest to help out gran and grandad.

xxTinaT

 

[FifiMo]

Hiya Vickic,

I agree with the suggestions that Tina has made but I did have a little titter to myself at the idea of a tool box and someone being over-enthusiastic with the hammer! LOLOL

The best thing that i found was singing. I have seen people with no more than 5 seconds short term memory singing all the words of songs; I have seen non-communicative people joining in to everyone's amazement. All the old war songs always seemed to go down a treat together with Christmas Carols - that type of thing. Maybe you could look them up on youtube and see how your grandparents enjoy them?

What does seem to help is if they feel they are doing something worthwhile like, say, sorting out a pile of socks, or maybe for a man get one of those boxed with mixed screws and rawl plugs in and ask if he could help sort them out for you. A big job that we used to get my mum to do was to sort out the coins in the piggy bank so we could take them to the bank - she was obsessed with money so liked the idea that we were banking it! LOL

Could you perhaps (and this is an investment for the future) sit down with both your grandparents and make up a memory book with them? Get old photo's out, make a note of who is in them, do some journalling to capture any stories that they tell you about any of the photographs. It is sad but if we don't take the time to capture their memories then once they are gone then all the history and the stories also goes with them.

Why not brighten up their day by making a nice picnic instead of lunch and serve it up indoors?

Have a special dinner like fish and chips wrapped in paper. Lots of smells like this also trigger memories that we think are lost forever.

Get a simple card kit and help them with making their own christmas cards - or cut up last years cards if you still have them. Activities like this often stimulate conversation too.

Most of all, you are already doing the most important thing that either of them could want or need and that is spending time with them. Yes you can spend lots of money and come up with all the ideas, but sometimes all they need is someone to be there with them and pass the time with them.

Fiona

 

[Haylett]

Hi Vicki, all of the above are great ideas - and FifiMo is right, that you are giving your grandparents something that is priceless - and that's your time and attention and care.

Even if your grandma is less able physically to look after your grandfather, she might be a great help in identifying the music, films, books, interests that they both enjoyed when they were younger. The memory book's a great place to start. If you have a local Alzheimer's branch, they sometimes have Memory Boxes to loan out for a week or so. The boxes contain hats, paraphernalia of the period (eg. a school one might have an old slate, old exercise books, a bell for playtime, a triangle etc or a war one would have hats, ration books, old tins of the time) Or you can have a lot of fun via charity shops, eBay, Gumtree making your own that's relevant to your grandparents (and maybe loan yours out to others!)

If your grandfather liked baking, maybe help him with that? My grandfather did, though he could only bake one dish! My MIL likes dogs so I put together an album of dog photos for her and pictures taken from old books or downloaded from the Internet. Mum likes music so we have small instruments that she can play - even a penny whistle or a swanee whistle isn't bad and you can find them quite cheaply.

The other point about needing rest though is a good one. Mum and MIL (late 80s and 90s) do need time during the day when we all back off, so they can rest and relax. We're around if they need us, but there is a nap time for them when they don't feel they have to talk or do things. So look out for your grandpa's need for quiet time - then you can enjoy the fun time more.

Good luck - look forward to hearing how you get on!

 

[vickic]

Thankyou everyone!

Im loving all the ideas! and actually the comment about the stickers does make sense!

He absolutely loves music! But he used to get very emotional listening to it, also listening to Susan Boyle on repeat for 5 hours is an interesting experience to say the least!! Maybe we could have music hour every day?
He used to be a butcher so he likes folding and tying things up in string and he always talks about whether we owe him any money! So perhaps a money counting machine or monopoly money, something like that we can do.

Also any advice on how to avoid the battles is greatly appreciated, I like to think I am immensely patient but I do on occasion find we end up in a tug of war over his clothes, mostly removing them! I think its embarrassment on his part, but how do I get him in the shower? I was debating buying swimming pants for him.

Thankyou again vix xxx

 

[Butter]

swimming pants might be just the right thing .... you never know. But don't go and buy them - just try him in his pants first?

 

[madala]

Hi Vickic ,
Lots of brilliant ideas posted ,used to keep my wife amused with childrens toys which where kept in a shoe box she loved taking them out and putting them back into the box tidy ,had to be careful what i put in the box as she tended to put things in her mouth ,so avoided small items.
She used love watching the old comedies on sky gold ,even though she could not speak she would laugh out loud . Hope all goes well, you are very brave take care

Best Wishes Madala

 

[FifiMo]

Ohhhhh having a butcher in the family is a great bonus I think. Weekly shopping could become a big thing for both of them. Pile of paper and string and they have to wrap up things like cold meat - grandad does this, whilst grandmother writes what is in the parcel and the date so you can all know whether it is still good to eat.

Then maybe grandad could apply his butcher skills to making parcels of clothes that need to be put away until next summer (when he's done doing your stuff he can come here and do all my stuff for me! LOL).

You might want to buy or acquire a pile of boxes and some christmas wrapping paper and get them both to make decorations for under the christmas tree so grandad can tie them up and grandmother can help decorate them.

These are all opportunities for you to lavish them both with lots of thanks and praise and "how could we cope without you" type feedback, which makes everyone feel good and appreciated.

As to the showering, I think leaving his pants on is a good idea, but I also wonder whether you can step back from this activity and make it something that your grandmother can help take control of. You could say things like - ok time for a shower, but that's not my job. I'll make sure you get to the bathroom ok - lets go - grandma will help you when you're in there, not me, afterall you're the married couple... Make it all lighthearted and not something that is a stressful thing. Reassure them that you are there if there is an emergency and that they just need to give you a shout.

Hope this helps,

Fiona

 

[vickic]

Scared but excited!

I am leaving my job of 12 years in exactly 2 weeks, i'm 28 and this is the only job that i have ever had! So thats where the scary comes in! The excited bit is that I am going to be caring for my grandad full time!! So let me tell you a little bit about why i am doing this. From when I was born until I was 21, Myself and 2 brothers and parents lived in same house as nan and grandad, what you would call a 'priveledged' upbringing etc. Big house, mega garden, nice cars la la la but then my nan and grandad sold their half of house, strange people move next door and its all different. my dad won't speak to grandad, very bad times .. fast forward 7 years, my grandad doesn't say my name anymore, he keeps saying the same thing over and over and over... but I still remember my grandad, he was my idol!! He is the man i mark all my boyfriends against, he is the kindest, most thoughtful, loving person ive ever known!!Noone will ever compare to him!!! So whilst he hasnt a clue about most things around him or who i am ( he wants to marry me some days) I still think he's the bees knees! And I am excited that I get to spend every day of his last years/months with him making him as happy and important as he has made me!!! I can never repay him for the way he made me feel growing up, but i'm sure gonna try!!

 

[chris53]

Hello Vickic, your last post made me smile, it is a wonderful decision you have made and there will not be "I wish I had done this" thoughts going through your head, you can always get another job but never a beloved grandad. So a warm welcome to you to Talking Point and do please keep posting to let us know how things are going.
Chris x