First experience of respite- the story so far

[tre]

I now have David home. He was so pleased to see me and I him. He said they looked after him OK but he found it awful being away from me and cried. I told him I also found it very hard to be apart but at least we now have our safety net. He has obviously been well fed and watered and cared for as if he had tried to wander unattended he would definitely have fallen and he did not. I am so relieved to have him back in one piece and not incontinent of urine as he was when he was returned from hospital. He does not have a problem if helped to the toilet properly.
Tre

 

[stanleypj]

So glad it's worked out so well. Take care.

 

[Sox]

Hi Tre - I too am so pleased for you that the respite break worked out well - I bet you are both over the moon to be back together. You will not be so anxious now in case you are ill and your husband knows the home and carers. I was advised to use fairly regular respite breaks so that my husband got used to it and it did help because initially he remembered that he would be coming home. Enjoy your time together. Sox

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hi Tre - I'm so glad this break worked out well for both of you, and now you're back together again a bit more refreshed hopefully. Did you visit David while he was in respite? Do you think you would do it again? I ask because I'm trying to persuade my dad to try it but he's reluctant, because of all the same reasons you were, I think.

 

[tre]

I really wanted to visit David in respite but did not as the professionals and also some other carers said this made it worse rather than better as every visit they were disappointed not to come home. David is a bit clingy today but that suits me as I want lots of hugs and kisses too. The CH saw how anxious I was and called me every day to let me know how he was doing. The Friday, he went in on the Monday, he was asking for me lots and they called me and I spoke on the phone to reassure him. I did this Saturday too but could not Sunday as was in London seeing my daughter.
He has no concept of time so I guess it was more likely he would be anxious as time passed.
I think I would try to do it again but would probably go for a shorter time if I was honest. I would not feel comfortable not being able to fetch him back if neede so I cannot ever see myself being brave enough to go abroad or anything like that but that is just me probably being silly.
I do feel it has topped up my reserves of sleep and patience
Tre

 

[SnowLeopard17]

So pleased it worked out well for you both and that it gives you the confidence to use respite again when you need it.
This is a good thread to read. We are not at the 'need for respite' stage yet. Will I recognise it when the time comes? But your initial concerns are common ones and your story gives encouragement for those who find such decisions difficult. With love x

 

[SnowLeopard17]

So pleased it worked out well for you both and that it gives you the confidence to use respite again when you need it.
This is a good thread to read. We are not at the 'need for respite' stage yet. Will I recognise it when the time comes? But your initial concerns are common ones and your story gives encouragement for those who find such decisions difficult. With love x

 

[CollegeGirl]

I really wanted to visit David in respite but did not as the professionals and also some other carers said this made it worse rather than better as every visit they were disappointed not to come home. David is a bit clingy today but that suits me as I want lots of hugs and kisses too. The CH saw how anxious I was and called me every day to let me know how he was doing. The Friday, he went in on the Monday, he was asking for me lots and they called me and I spoke on the phone to reassure him. I did this Saturday too but could not Sunday as was in London seeing my daughter.
He has no concept of time so I guess it was more likely he would be anxious as time passed.
I think I would try to do it again but would probably go for a shorter time if I was honest. I would not feel comfortable not being able to fetch him back if neede so I cannot ever see myself being brave enough to go abroad or anything like that but that is just me probably being silly.
I do feel it has topped up my reserves of sleep and patience
Tre

Thanks Tre for answering my questions, that's really helpful and something I'll pass on to dad - who was at first totally against overnight respite, then reluctant to consider it, but is now on the verge of accepting it because the situation is deteriorating daily.

If he does accept it, I would like him to stay away, at least for the first two or three days, but don't know if he will do this. When mam was sectioned, he visited her every day, twice a day, for the two weeks that she was there. Still, he did get respite this way, but it wasn't total and he had a lot of rushing around to do in between visits, plus of course mam would be distressed every time he left - meaning she was upset at least twice a day, every day, for the whole two weeks. He hates leaving her side.

Still, first things first. Accepting overnight respite - even if he visits - is a huge step forward.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

 

[tre]

My mentor advised that he knew someone who spent all day every day with their other half who was in respite. When asked how they were benefitting if they did this they answered by having undisturbed nights. So really I think it is whatever works for your dad.
I think it was easier for my husband that I stayed away because he has no idea of day or time and if I had visited I think he would have thought every time it was the end os his stay and I had come to take him home. Talking to him on the phone was I think less distressing for him.
Tre

 

[CollegeGirl]

So really I think it is whatever works for your dad.

Yes, you're probably right and I'll just be happy if he accepts the respite at all. It's got to be better than what he's going through at the moment. Thanks Tre.