Preparing for respite

[imnotloony]

Hi, Have been looking at TP for a year or so but this is my first post. Mum(91 with Alzheimer's) has lived with us for 2 and a half years, and I gave up work in a local school to be her carer. Things aren't too bad generally - reading other posts makes me realise how much worse it could be.
Hubby & I are just about to have our 6-monthly break while Mum goes into a local authority home for respite. She's been there 3 times previously but has no recollection of it. Her short-term memory has gone completely. I tend not to tell her till the actual day that she is going 'on holiday', as she wouldn't remember. Even though her partly packed suitcase is in her room, she doesn't seem to realise that she'll be going away for a while.
After previous respite stays, I've found little notes in her bag that she's written saying 'I hate it here - no-one talks to me' and stuff like that. Trouble is, she's fairly anti-social now and rarely speaks to other people unless they start the conversation!
She spend lots of time doing wordsearch type puzzles - thank heaven for them otherwise she'd just sit & stare. Will occasionally play Scrabble or cards with me if in the right mood. I think she gets the hump because she's not going on holiday with us, even though I go through all the many reasons why she can't, the main one being that we need the break - she can't accept it.
Does anyone have any tips for preparing their relative for respite? Thanks in advance, Jan

 

[nellbelles]

Jan

Welcome to TP, but sorry that you needed to join us.

I personally have so experience yet, of sending someone to respite but it sounds to me you are working along the right lines for your Mum to set off settled. I do not tell my husband things in advance.

I hope someone with more experience will also respond to your post.

Helen

 

[FifiMo]

Hiya Imnotloony and welcome to talking point.

I think you are doing things in the right manner with your mum. The thing with respite is that there is not that much time for someone to settle is there and even without the throws of dementia, you would be hard pushed to get to know people in a 2 week period. If your mum does tend to keep herself to herself whilst in the care home, I just wonder if there were perhaps little things that you could do to give her some surprises etc. By this I mean, could you perhaps wrap up some little presents and put them in her suitcase for her to open? Wrap the wordsearch books up if nothing else! LOL How about music - does she like that? Maybe put in a CD of some music you know she likes? Wrap up a new pack of playing cards and tell the carers that she likes playing cards - there might be someone else there who likes doing this too perhaps. Another thing you could do is prepare some little notelets or cards and pop one in the post to her every day whilst you're away. Will be unexpected by her and reassure her she's not been abandoned and that you will be coming soon to take her home again. Do you not have any friends who might pop in to see her for 10 mins whilst you're away?

Hope this helps,

Fiona

 

[KAnne]

Hiya Imnotloony and welcome to talking point.

I think you are doing things in the right manner with your mum. The thing with respite is that there is not that much time for someone to settle is there and even without the throws of dementia, you would be hard pushed to get to know people in a 2 week period. If your mum does tend to keep herself to herself whilst in the care home, I just wonder if there were perhaps little things that you could do to give her some surprises etc. By this I mean, could you perhaps wrap up some little presents and put them in her suitcase for her to open? Wrap the wordsearch books up if nothing else! LOL How about music - does she like that? Maybe put in a CD of some music you know she likes? Wrap up a new pack of playing cards and tell the carers that she likes playing cards - there might be someone else there who likes doing this too perhaps. Another thing you could do is prepare some little notelets or cards and pop one in the post to her every day whilst you're away. Will be unexpected by her and reassure her she's not been abandoned and that you will be coming soon to take her home again. Do you not have any friends who might pop in to see her for 10 mins whilst you're away?

Hope this helps,

Fiona

Aww, some sweet ideas in this post, I wouldn't have thought of them

 

[imnotloony]

Hi Fiona,
There are some brilliant suggestions in your reply. Thanks so much for those - I was actually just thinking about sending her cd of wartime songs (Vera Lynn, etc) and hope there will be a cd player it can be played on as I don't have a portable one. May phone first to check.
We are going abroad so postcards from there might arrive after our return. However, amazingly I've just discovered 2 (unused) postcards from Tenerife (where we're going) in a pile of cards. Must have brought them back from a previous visit - thank goodness for hoarding! I'll post them in the next couple of days, so she'll receive them in the first week, Royal Mail permitting! Hope she doesn't notice the British stamp. I will also wrap some of her puzzle - books and pack of cards. Such simple ideas, but hopefull effective. I will report back in due course.
Jan x

 

[imnotloony]

Preparing for respite - update.

Hi Fiona,
There are some brilliant suggestions in your reply. Thanks so much for those - I was actually just thinking about sending her cd of wartime songs (Vera Lynn, etc) and hope there will be a cd player it can be played on as I don't have a portable one. May phone first to check.
We are going abroad so postcards from there might arrive after our return. However, amazingly I've just discovered 2 (unused) postcards from Tenerife (where we're going) in a pile of cards. Must have brought them back from a previous visit - thank goodness for hoarding! I'll post them in the next couple of days, so she'll receive them in the first week, Royal Mail permitting! Hope she doesn't notice the British stamp. I will also wrap some of her puzzle - books and pack of cards. Such simple ideas, but hopefull effective. I will report back in due course.
Jan x

Just wanted to say that we returned from our holiday fully relaxed, and after collecting Mum from respite this morning having carried out Fiona's suggestions. They worked a treat! I realise they might not work for everyone, but Mum seemed happier when we left, and much happier when we collected her today. Thanks once again for replies. Jan x

 

[FifiMo]

Jan,

So glad that your mum was happy and content during her time in respite. There is nothing more that we could ask for is there. I know with my mum that doing little things that you know will get a smile or a laugh even, was all that was needed and we certainly felt that her dementia was better when she was calm and relaxed.

Glad you had a relaxing time too - win win for everyone it seems ! LOL

Fiona