You can pick your friends but not kill your relatives. Why?

[garnuft]

So, early evening wine-laden rant beginning because my OH must be sick of hearing it and he's only been home from work for an hour. My Mam (85, 6 kids, Writer, Politician, Socialist, AD, Vas.Dem. grumpy, sweet, old Lady, lives in her own home...'I DON'T NEED HELP, I've got 3 daughters') is totally unaware that her children are beginning to hate each other. I'm youngest and have 25yr old 6ft8ns severely disabled, doubly incontinent, autistic son and have never had respite care for him. My oldest sister and I share care of Mam. Making sure she has breakfast, Meds., Lunch, Tea. Clean house, do gardening, outings.All me Mam does is eat, poo, twist her face and show you the occasional bit of her old self(enough to keep ME going) Middle sister takes her shopping once a week and gives med 3 mornings. Then there's me Brothers Oldest Bro retired policeman, best one died, next one wife/child beating, adulterer but me mother thinks the Sun emerges from his backside Both Brothers think we're; A Exaggerating the extent of Mams' problems B Exaggerating the extent of Mams' problems C Exaggerating the extent of Mams' problems. Apparently if we talked to her more her brain would be stimulated and heal(this from wife-beater) or the Policeman one 'Why didn't you tell her about forthcoming family get-together?' in an exasperated, bossy Coppers' voice.... WE DID YOU FOOL, SHE FORGETS! Should I...A. KILL THEM B. Hang them in the corner and cut bits off them each day C. Wait until tomorrow and do both ....answers on a postcard to 'That Quivering Loony, In the Corner' And oldest sister and middle sister JUST say speaking to each other

 

[Chemmy]

Well, you may be a quivering loony, but you made me laugh

A) is far too quick.

 

[TinaT]

Dear 'wine supping' friend - having similar but not the same problems makes me think the world is going mad!

Why oh why, have you never had respite for yourself regarding your son??? How in God's name have you and are you managing?? Is there no day care for him to at least give you some kind of a break???

Regarding your mum, it is the eternal problem here on TP - mothers/fathers who do not recognise the responsibilities the 'girls' are taking on and becoming ever more and more angry at their own dependance and taking it out on you.

This alongside sons who put on their 'macho man' stance of sticking their heads in the sand and thus causing more problems without any effort to give proper help and support.

If I lived near to you I would call round, bringing a bottle in tow for us both, but then the same problems would greet us tomorrow along with the dreaded hangover.

xxTinaT

 

[Izzy]

My vote is for option B. x

 

[Theboxer]

B Sounds very satisfying but messy!!

Seriously family can be so frustrating at times, sounds like your brothers are the "bury one's head in the sand" type. Any chance they could take over duties for a week to give you a break?

 

[2jays]

Well, you may be a quivering loony, but you made me laugh

A) is far too quick.

Oooh yes definitely far too quick...

Hmmm B) sounds good - my suggestion.... Tell them you need to pick their brains and then do so..... Using a crochet hook...... anyone would think I had a malicious streak in me

 

[littlegem]

My vote is C.
Why don't relatives get it at all?????????

Have a glass of vino for me too.
xxx

 

[JPG1]

I'd opt for B too. By the time B's over, option A will have come about naturally.

Want to borrow a T-shirt?

 

[Anongirl]

I really wish there was a "like" button for some of these messages!

 

[garnuft]

Tina T. My son does 'go' to a day centre but he has lot's of anxiety issues so most weeks I'm lucky if he goes 2 days, (9am-3pm). He has lots of health probs too and most weeks we are seeing consultants or GP. He has JUST begun assessment for autism, it was never suggested at the special needs(am I allowed to say that now? PC police will get me?) school he went to for 17 yrs but he has severely learn diff. it has been masked except for this glorious young psychologist we tripped over last year!Splendid man is going to find me some 'daft' family that will take him perhaps 1 night a month and has introduced me to 'Mindfulness'. Believe me I have fought all his life, I will not have him in a place that isn't suitable. He has complex probs but strangely me Mam never mixes him up so I take him with me and feed their faces while they watch 60 minute make-over or Jeremy Vile, that's another thing me mam HATED ITV and never let us watch it, so I tut loudly now when they sit mindlessly staring. I remember telling myself and me oldest sister when it all began with Mam that it was going to be a rough ride, it's nowhere near the worst of it so the only thing is to rise above it and when she's gone we'll know we did our best. It's the only way. They shall live. For now Cheers folks for listening

 

[jan1962]

Hi Garnuft,

i would go for c.
have a glass for me, family make us mad at times.jan1962

 

[kingmidas1962]

despite the obviously very serious subject matter that has had me hooting with laughter - whether induced by wine or not I take my hat off to you for writing it ... option B sounds like some strange kind of doner kebab ....

 

[TinaT]

Thanks for the reply and so sorry that I asked if it brought up yet again for you the sense of injustice. It certainly made me reading it fill with anger for you and your son and the hand you've been dealt. Is there any sense at all in our social care system!! You sound like a northern lass to me, full of grit and never give up God bless you.

I'd get you a bottle of the best if I could.
xxTinaT

 

[chucky]

I'd go with B too. What does that say about us lol.

 

[cragmaid]

I'd go with B too. What does that say about us lol.

Since I want to add.... B but with a blunt knife.....I really should start to be a bit concerned about my mental state!!!!!!!!!

 

[garnuft]

Dear, darling folks, you took away the hate and bile I was brewing up, because you understood. TinaT, you didn't upset me Hinny, absolutely the right thing to say. It took my Mams' problems to emerge before I was finally pushed to address my sons'. Thank you, on behalf of me OH, Thank You No. Really. THANK YOU ALL for your replies, warmed me heart and made me feel less 'peculiar' XXX

 

[Onlyme]

I was going to vote for C ( do it tomorrow) and then

A) kill them
B) cut bits off them.

Relatives, can't shoot them, can't live with them.

Glad you feel a bit less peculiar!

 

[lin1]

DearGarnuft
I am sending you a ((((((HUG))))))

Since I want to add.... B but with a blunt knife.....I really should start to be a bit concerned about my mental state!!!!!!!!!

NOPE your perfectly normal

I really wish there was a "like" button for some of these messages!

Me too

B Sounds very satisfying but messy!!

I'll clear up im well used to the red stuff

Seriously though Garnuft, I really dont know how you manage
and I take my hat off to you

 

[fredsnail]

Can I chose B on Groundhog Day?

Otherwise I'd have to decide which bit went first

 

[Nanak]

C for me
Maybe when they take us all to the loony bin we could ask to be together? A whole wing of TP'ers would be SOOOO good
Nanak