New member

[garnuft]

Hello. Not sure if I'm in the right place, not sure where to begin. My Mam's 85. She has 6 children, 3 of each and was an District Councillor and active member of the labour party until she was 76(chucked her party card in when Tony Blair went to war with Iraq!). She was a prolific writer and member of a writing group and has been switched on and vocal for all of my life- I'm 52 and the youngest. My Dad was a Trade Union representative so politics and people were a big part of her life. Have to say that as she is so much more than the person she has become. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers and vascular dementia approximately 3 years ago but with hindsight she probably was showing signs 6 years ago. She lives at home on her own with support, well I suppose it's support, from myself and my 2 sisters. One brother dead, other two choose not to help but do visit. She has heart failure and COPD (62 years of smoking) and it was because of her failure to remember to take her drugs and the ensuing hospital admittances that memory tests etc. were done. My sisters and I go every day to give her breakfast, tablets, lunch, outings...listen to her stories well, I'm smiling but I'm not really. She is more and more confused, cross, insistent, accusatory... less and less kind, loving, interested. She's struggling. So are we. No questions to ask you yet, I just wanted to feel sorry for myself in print

 

[Izzy]

Hi Garnuft and welcome to TP. I'm so glad you found this forum. You're right just to take some time to write things down. It does help to get stuff off your chest. It sounds as if you and your sister and doing well by your mum and I'm sure she loves you both for it. I know it's hard to watch those you love change before your eyes.

Keep posting and visiting TP. You'll find lots of people who will understand what you are going through and you'll get loads of help and support. Take care. x

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello garnuft and welcome from me too.

I love your introduction to us .

I know you are smiling but hating every minute of what your dear Mum is going through. My husband suffered from mixed Dementia and it was hard, but yes I kept smiling on the surface but immense suffering below that level. It is hard.

Please keep in touch and posting to let us know how you are getting along. I am sure we will learn from your experiences and I hope you can gain something from us too.
Best wishes

 

[chris53]

Hello Garnuft, a welcome from me also to Talking Point, sorry your mum is in the grips of this dreadful illness, it just creeps up on us! but wonderful she as so much support from the family, do try and get some outside help before it is really needed, I am sure mums GP will help, please post again and let us know how things are or even if you just need some support or understanding, it's here by the bucket load!

Best wishes x

 

[lin1]

Hello Garnuft
Welcome from me

Sorry to hear about your Mum

I am wondering if you might find this helpful as you said mum is getting a little accusatory etc
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
I must admit its not an easy act to follow
my halo slipped round my ankles many a time

I think you will find you have come to the right place
Its also a good place to feel a little sorry for yourself in writing and get lots of understanding and when your ready lots of good advice

 

[andrean]

Hi Garnuft
I'm glad you've found TP; I've been using it a few months and find it really useful when I have a particular question about something, or just want to sound off a bit.

I know exactly what you mean about your mum being less interested and kind. My mum is just the same - she's become, well, blank, unable to express any interest in anything, even her grandchildren. She gets cross and upset easily and it feels as if we have to walk on eggshells to avoid sending her over the edge. It's really heartbreaking.

Anyway, that's my issues... I hope you're managing to deal with it all, and do keep using TP - I'm sure you'll find it's a great support.
Andrea

 

[curious cate]

sit down next to me.x

 

[garnuft]

Thank you all XXX

Thank you all for your kind words and yes Lin1 I found 'Compassionate communication' through Twitter, it's what led me to this forum. Hooray! I also have a 25yr old son with severe learning difficulties and autism and I practise comp. communication with him all the time, never quite mastered it yet! it's just making the leap of doing it with my Mam, 'her who knows all' ...she would hate to think that I'm discussing her with 'strangers' she would hate if she knew how much she had changed. That's my biggest worry, that it dawns on her what she has lost. But so many of you have stories that are more heartbreaking than Mams' that I feel humbled. Thank you all....watch out for me wine-laden-late-night-grumpy-posts...and forgive me won't you?

 

[garnuft]

Garnuft=Gwen

ps I use Garnuft as my name is Gwen and when I was 3 the girl nexy door couldn't say my name and she used to shriek over the fence 'Is your Garnuft coming out to play?' so it stuck. Sometimes, more and more,me Mam calls me Jennifer and asks 'when did our Gwen die Jennifer?'

 

[Jenijill]

wine-laden-late-night-grumpy-posts!

Here's mine! you have all my sympathy and understanding. My OH has mixed dementia, and he would be mortified if he knew I shared my experiences on TP. This disease strips the person of their previous life, but not always their personality, it's still in there somewhere! As has been said, do consider getting some outside help before too long, so that she gets used to others helping her, as it will be better in the long run. Keeping posting and we are all here to listen and help. x

 

[jacque]

sorry

sorry garnuft , i thought i was replien to ur thread but it turns out i started my own . im a gack and im not long up . anyway hello and welcome to tp.

 

[meme]

Hi Gwen...staunch labour voter here!..smiles and tears, smiles and tears...welcome

 

[Amanda1954]

Hi Gwenneth

You have my sympathy and support too. I posted in a similar way earlier in the week after a few years away from TP. My mum was diagnosed with AD 6 years ago but the disease has progressed very slowly. I had a melt down moment on Wednesday and came back from her house to post on TP. A wealth of support followed, so I know you're in the right place here for kind words and help. Sometimes it all just gets too much doesn't it? For me, it's just that I want my mum back how she used to be. And I was never even in the queue when they handed out patience.

At least we're all here for each other. Welcome. And rant away, we're listening