Dads unwanted advances

Sue321

Registered User
Sep 2, 2012
14
0
Hi, My Dad is 88 and was diagnosed with dementia over a year ago. He is still living at home with Mum who has stage5 kidney disease and is becoming increasingly weak - the hospital gave her 6 months to live 18months ago!
Unfortunately my Dad has recently started to make unwanted advances in the bedroom and becomes agitated when he is turned down. Does anyone know of any medication that can help with this? Has anyone else had to deal with this problem? All suggestions of how to cope would be very welcome. Thanks
 

fredsnail

Registered User
Dec 21, 2008
648
0
I didn't just want to read your post and run without comment - although I've no personal experience of this problem I'm sure someone will be along soon with some advice as from previous posts it is quite a common problem.
 

Dikimiki

Registered User
Jun 26, 2012
143
0
Wales
Unwanted Advances

Hi, My Dad is 88 and was diagnosed with dementia over a year ago. He is still living at home with Mum who has stage5 kidney disease and is becoming increasingly weak - the hospital gave her 6 months to live 18months ago!
Unfortunately my Dad has recently started to make unwanted advances in the bedroom and becomes agitated when he is turned down. Does anyone know of any medication that can help with this? Has anyone else had to deal with this problem? All suggestions of how to cope would be very welcome. Thanks

It is difficult to reply to this post without perhaps bordering on "the nitty gritty". Could it be that he simply wants a cuddle? If the 'advances' are more particularly sexual I would think that stopping sharing the marital bed is the only answer. The problem quite often is part of the disease. Sometimes when I visit my wife in hospital a lady patient will take my hand, give me a kiss on the cheek and suggest going somewhere private. I simply reply perhaps next time and wander away. Of course one stock solution is drugs and more drugs until the person is a cabbage or zombie. I feel sorry for your Mum and your Dad. Good luck.
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
0
London
Good morning Sue321, welcome to Talking Point, am so sorry you have this additional worry with both mum being so ill and dad going through and putting your mum through this rather distressing phrase, this illness really does jump up and smack you in the teeth, you think you have covered everything then it decides to give our loved ones and us impossible situations to deal with:mad:may I suggest that you have a chat with mum and dads GP about this and maybe ask for some respite (for either mum or dad) i too just wanted to offer my support to you and hope that others will be more able to help with advice on this upsetting problem.
Best wishes and do please keep posting and let us know how things are going.
Chris x
 

jaymor

Registered User
Jul 14, 2006
15,604
0
South Staffordshire
I have experience of it but sorry no advice on how to stop it. I expect medication does exist for it. I found it distressing. It happened at the time he believed he lived somewhere else and his wife was in his home waiting for him. I was the nice lady who helped them and made sure he was ok while he waited for his wife to come and get him to take him home. So to me these advances he was making to a woman who was not his wife. I became the mistress. One day when it was really bad in desperation I asked him what his wife would think. He got very stroppy and said he would not come to the house when he knew I was there. I know he was probably back in his 20s or 30s and not where he really was in his late 60s but it was difficult to be on the receiving end. He then went into an assessment unit and when we attended a review his consultant said that this behaviour had gone. He was there for medication changes so maybe dropping one changed it or maybe one added had done it, I don't know. For me moving into another bedroom would not have helped as the behaviour was all day long on a bad day so other than running away there was no escape. I would certainly mention it to GP or consultant as it really is very distressing and I was only stressed and not like your Mum who is ill. It is very common though many don't talk about it.
Take care,
Jay.
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear Sue,

I am sorry to hear that you are having to try to sort out this very difficult situation. I understand it can be because of the part of the brain affected which takes away inhibition. It is important to talk to your dad's consultant about this situation including the condition of your mother as this will influence his understanding and decision making. I am assuming that these advances are made to your mother but because of the brain I am also wondering whether there are no boundaries in place at all now??

This situation would be very distressing to say the least for a daughter (or son) to have to cope with and it is vitally important that you do all that you can to get proper support for yourself. If you need an outlet for your emotions and thoughts, please do not hesitate to ask the GP for someone to talk to about this.

I will look forward to hearing how you get on.

Love
 

MReader

Registered User
Apr 30, 2011
191
0
essex
Hi - my husband showed these particular symptoms which included fondling me in public & wanting sex at inappropriate times ie when I was cooking or when we were about to go out etc. & got very angry & agitated when refused politely or diverted with another activity
His psychiatrist prescribed Benperidol which dealt with the problem very well but after several months left him with extreme tremors all over his body for which he had to be hospitalised as he was finding it hard to breathe & swallow - drugs always have side effects, don't they?
He is now further down the Alzheimers path & is no longer interested in anything except sleeping or eating so this problem has gone away naturally. However, he still wants lots of reassuring cuddles & just to ensure the sex thing doesnt occur again, I go to bed about an hour after him when he is fast asleep
Hope this experience helps :)
 

Sue321

Registered User
Sep 2, 2012
14
0
Thankyou to you all for your kind words. We called the emergency doctor this morning as Dad was getting so angry with Mum and started accusing her of having an affair and saying that their marriage of over 60 years was over. The doctor suggested respite care and I am trying to arrange this with a local care home. In the meantime my sisters and I will take it in turns to stay with them overnight. At least we will be there if Mum can't cope with his rants. Poor Mum is devastated at how cruel he is being. Hopefully this is just a phase and the respite care will help but I have noted the name of the medication you mention to ask our GP about just in case. Thankyou again for your support.
 

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