One Year Ago

Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
We have just passed the first anniversary of my FIL's death. Its really strange, I think this is the first time I have used that word.

I think OH and I have been a bit on edge all week really, we each seemed to remember the days of the week and how we had spent them mostly with FIL. We almost seemed to relive some of the feelings. How he seemed to fade and rally and fade again. We didn't want him to suffer any more, and yet he seemed, even at the end, to want to live.

Yesterday came and went went relative ease. Almost relief. Is that how others feel? Sometimes I feel alone with my own thoughts and TP taught me that often others do feel the same, that I am not so different to everyone else.

Today the sun is shining, its a day that FIL would have loved and would have sat in the garden. OH is already out there, and we are off to the garden centre later. Its a time for remembrance but not great sadness. One year on, we have survived as a family. That is what my FIL would have wanted.

x
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
It is hard to believe that a whole year has passed since your FIL died.
I am glad you can remember him with happy memories of his time spent in the garden and hope soon the thoughts of his final few days can fade away.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,452
0
Kent
You seem to be getting your life back slowly and carefully Christin, after years of caring. I hope it helps you to know you gave your FiL a good life.
 

winda

Registered User
Oct 17, 2011
2,037
0
Nottinghamshire
Totally understand how you feel Christin, I do think that the first anniversary is the hardest, but it does get easier with time.

Best wishes xx
 

together

Registered User
May 25, 2010
483
0
Derbyshire
Anniversaries are so odd - sometimes you dread them and then they do just pass by,then other days for no reason it jumps up and hits you from nowhere.It's lovely that you can remember together, both of you understanding. Enjoy your sun and garden, we've got steady rain here,the dog needs walking and will refuse once he sniffs the rain!! Love Katherine xx
 

KAnne

Account Closed
Apr 27, 2012
297
0
We have just passed the first anniversary of my FIL's death. Its really strange, I think this is the first time I have used that word.

I think OH and I have been a bit on edge all week really, we each seemed to remember the days of the week and how we had spent them mostly with FIL. We almost seemed to relive some of the feelings. How he seemed to fade and rally and fade again. We didn't want him to suffer any more, and yet he seemed, even at the end, to want to live.

Yesterday came and went went relative ease. Almost relief. Is that how others feel? Sometimes I feel alone with my own thoughts and TP taught me that often others do feel the same, that I am not so different to everyone else.

Today the sun is shining, its a day that FIL would have loved and would have sat in the garden. OH is already out there, and we are off to the garden centre later. Its a time for remembrance but not great sadness. One year on, we have survived as a family. That is what my FIL would have wanted.

x

:) Some of it is the same grief and mourning that everyone feels Christin, dementia or not and though I haven't lost anyone to dementia, yet, I think it will be different to losing someone to fairly brief illness or accident.
It's the watching over the loss of 'them' for so long, whilst they're still alive maybe, or maybe it's the intimacy we are required to get mixed up in their lives, or the tremendous battle and stress that is dementia but something is different I think. The memories are not entirely free of the loss that was experienced by them and you, whilst they were still alive.:confused:
 

shauna

Registered User
Sep 10, 2010
240
0
I too understand how you feel Christin We have just passed my mum's first aniversary on aug 5th and still find it so unreal .My siblings and me spent the day together visited the grave and then went for lunch and talked about all the happy memories we have of when we were all together. Hope you are having a good day .

Shauna
 

Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
Thank you, to you all. As I said it was a strange week of mixed emotions. It is good to know that you understand.

I think there is that sense that we needed to remember how it was. To pause and just remember. I think that each of us was afraid of how the others would feel.

Last night we watched the closing ceremony of the Olympics and we sat together and laughed, had a drink and chatted. That's something that 18 months ago we couldn't have done. Life has moved on. I really believe that dementia affects whole families and it was good to see my OH and son enjoying a normal family evening. That is what dementia takes away from families. The normalness of life.

Part of the grief, for me, was that my family experienced things I wish they hadn't. And yet, in the long run, it doesn't seem to done them any harm.

xx
 

Authona

Registered User
Feb 6, 2010
62
0
Northwich
Hi Christin,

I ID with your words. I am coming up to the first anniversary of my Mum's passing and I too have some days when remember where we were this time last year and how it all was for us all. I too miss her and think how she would be were she here and healthy with me and my dad now. I know she would have loved to watch the Olympics and would have been so proud of the British celebrations this year ... the Diamond Jubilee too. She lived her life by the Catholic doctrine and was faithful to it and it faithful to her right to her final days. Today, I too take some strength from her faith and find faith myself that steers me in the right directions.

I am proud of her today and proud of how we all managed. I have felt alien over the last year and somewhat lost without her and without the routine that the AZ brought. it takes time to grieve and I too find myself alone with my thoughts and feelings - sometimes tearful, sometimes smiling, sometimes alone, sometimes in the office or with freinds.

I am at a rock festival the weekend of her 1st Anniversary. I figured she would like me to carry on with my life than mourne her leaving it. I am concerned for my Dad though so may not go to the concert straight away - in other words, will visit my Mum before going there. We both need to do that.

I love to read that you are standing on your feet again after such trauma and abnormalness from life due to the invasion of AZ. I feel I am the same.

In truth, we are always together in spirit.

Take care Christin. I like your attitude ... its sound:)

Authona xxx
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
0
Part of the grief, for me, was that my family experienced things I wish they hadn't. And yet, in the long run, it doesn't seem to done them any harm.

xx

Hello Christin, it doesn't seem a year since you lost your FiL. I know you all gave him a really full life towards the end at your home and when he was in care, and supported him with love and lots of kindness. If your family learnt a little more about dementia than you wanted them to, I doubt if that will have done them harm. Probably the reverse, even if it was an uncomfortable lesson.

Take care of yourself, now Christin. You've been pivotal, I think, in supporting your family, and need to enjoy your life to the full. Love and hugs
 

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