Sister possibly has dementia, first post

[Byatt]

I've come on here as last week heard my sister was in hospital, we had been estranged for 5 years (a long and complicated story), she has LD's and is 65. She has been in hospital 4 weeks and I went to see her, after she agreed I could. At first I thought, oh, she seems fine, but then realised that she was not in the "now" but talking of things that happened 20-30 years ago as if it was now, sounding coherent if you didn't know better. Plus paranoia and delusions. Today I have been told that various things are being set in place, a CT scan, and mental health assessment for example. No mention of dementia but based on conversations with her friends and neighbours it seems highly likely.

To say I am upset is an understatement. All these years that have been wasted. And I don't know what to do in terms of practical things, such as her bank accounts, her flat, the post she receives. I am "next of kin" but I understand that doesn't mean a great deal. I don't want to let her down, I want to do the best for her, but I'm also very worried.

Can anyone suggest what I should ask the hospital, what I can give them regarding information and really what can I do to help her.

Byatt

 

[mcgradie]

I've come on here as last week heard my sister was in hospital, we had been estranged for 5 years (a long and complicated story), she has LD's and is 65. She has been in hospital 4 weeks and I went to see her, after she agreed I could. At first I thought, oh, she seems fine, but then realised that she was not in the "now" but talking of things that happened 20-30 years ago as if it was now, sounding coherent if you didn't know better. Plus paranoia and delusions. Today I have been told that various things are being set in place, a CT scan, and mental health assessment for example. No mention of dementia but based on conversations with her friends and neighbours it seems highly likely.

To say I am upset is an understatement. All these years that have been wasted. And I don't know what to do in terms of practical things, such as her bank accounts, her flat, the post she receives. I am "next of kin" but I understand that doesn't mean a great deal. I don't want to let her down, I want to do the best for her, but I'm also very worried.

Can anyone suggest what I should ask the hospital, what I can give them regarding information and really what can I do to help her.

Byatt

You are just dealing with the likely diagnosis - i totally understand your comment 'all those years have been wasted'. For the first year after my mum's diagnosis I wished she had done more with the last few decades of her life, but I have moved past that now. It's possible for your sister to have good times even if she does have dementia. She will need a lot of support though. She needs to get the diagnosis first and then you need an assessment by social services - give them a call. There is loads of info on this site. You should also try to get power of attorney. Are there any other relatives/close friends who can help? Do you live a long way away from her?

The absolute godsend in our situation has been the care agency. My sister and I have supported Mum for two years, both of us have very young children, and we live 60 miles away. We had no support for that time, but since her car has been taken away and she has got worst we managed to shoehorn 15 hours of careworkers in every week. It hasn't changed the time we support her - people with dementia need a surprising amount of support even at the mild stage - but it's now in place and we can build on it.

Good luck and don't regret just look forward and make the most of today.

 

[creativesarah]

I am so glad that she agreed to see you
Its so sad when relations get estranged
Its great that you want to do all you can for her
I'm sure it will all become clear as you take positive steps to rebuild your relationship
at the moment
I guess being honest with the hospital is the best place to start as they will get a wider picture

I do hope it goes well for you both as you restore your sisterhood

 

[Butter]

Welcome to TP. I am so sorry to hear about your sister. You will find plenty of people on here with wisdom and experience so keep posting and asking.
I think I would see if you can learn what your sister would like. If she is well enough to set up a Lasting Power of Attorney that would give you the opportunity to look after things for her on a formal basis. That is the simplest way forward.
Then I would see if you can meet the doctors looking after her and ask them exactly what help your sister could do with. If she has a social worker you can liaise with them.
If she has not made arrangements for her mail flat etc I would do the first things like check all is secure and clean. And if she is not well enough to open her mail I would do it for her if ther is nobody else.

 

[Byatt]

Thanks

Thank you all for the quick responses. I am going to see her again tomorrow, and I will have a chat to see if she wants me to deal with things. It's difficult as she may not really understand. I live about 50 miles from her, there are other siblings but one has made himself untraceable. The other, well...

She does have a care manager and I hope to get details tomorrow from a friend of hers.

I'm already a carer for my adult daughter so not sure how I'm going to fit everything in.

I will also find out about the power of attorney.

I have been in shock this past week and not thinking clearly, so thanks again for all the positive advice.