Dreaded day has arrived...

[Amy]

Hi Sandy,
Could you take dad to a different room, his bedroom and visit with him there?
My mum is further advanced, but I much prefer it when we can go and sit with her in a Quiet Room or her bedroom - more like when she used to be at home.
Does the home have a garden - if it was dry, could you just go for a bit of a walk?
You need to spend time with just your dad - without having to deal with other residents as well.
Helen

 

[Nell]

Hi Sandy,
I hope you will find things just a little easier each time you visit.
I love Connie's idea of a special foot treatment. I think it is nice to do something "special" when you visit (altho' not every time - in case you build up expectations). I used to take icecream for Dad as it was his favourite thing! He wasn't really supposed to have it (diabetes) but the Nurse said the occasional treat wouldn't hurt. For Mum I take a magazine, or cut out a cartoon from the paper (it amazes me how she can still enjoy this, when so much else is gone) or flowers . . .

Maybe I'm doing it to make myself feel better, but it seems to cheer up the other person too. I also try to take "stories" - eg. "saw a funny sign on the local church" or "heard this on the radio and thought you'd enjoy it". Sometimes Mum is a bit vague about the meaning of things, but I think she likes the fact I'm thinking about her when I'm not actually visiing. (As if any of us could forget . . . .!!)

Hope your visits get easier and your Dad settles well.
Nell

 

[ann60]

Hi Sandy is your dad on any medication. The new doctor at mums home has decided in his wisdom to cut back her medication. Dad noticed as soon as he saw her becaus e she crys alot when there's any change to it. It took him so long to get it right in the first place and then the doctor changes it without even speaking to dad to check on her history. When I go to visit mum I always wheel her back into her room or go out onto the verandah rather than sit out in the lounge. Its nice just to spend some private time on our own. I hope your dad has settled in. Ann

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Sandy, I`m sorry you are finding it so hard when you visit your dad.
Reading your post took me back to visiting my mother, when she first went into the home. She cried when she saw me and cried when I left.

When she first went into the home, I tried to stay with the other residents, in one of the the main lounges, when I visited. Call me a coward, but it was easier to distract my mother when other people were around and there was plenty to look at. On our own, in her room, she only became more upset. Conversation was difficult as she had lost so much ability to converse and interact.

When I would arrive, my mother seemed to be sitting with the same group of residents, so I would talk to them too, to try to get to know them and help mother get to know them. After a few visits, one or other would say `Your daughter`s here` and draw her attention to me. When I left, I felt I was leaving her with others, rather than alone.

It might help you to try this. Even if it deprives you of quality time with your dad, you`ll be helping him settle.

Take care, and let us know how it goes. Sylvia

 

[Sarah-Anne]

fish and chips

Hi Sandy,
one step at a time '
I used to say to my dad when he posed the question ' when can i come home '....we are all mucking in together and to keep you safe and well you have to stay.
Visits will be hard, of course you feel guilty....but he is safe...warm.
Keep re-assuring him that he will be ok...you all will......be thankful for each day you see him.
My first visit to dad was a killer........but i got through it and you will too.
Then after a month i took him for fish and chips and it was one of the best days of my life....he was scared and i was, of going back....but we were fine.
When the guilt creeps in....which it will....let it pass and enjoy every minute you spend with him......
x

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Sarah-Anne,

Last night you were in the depths of despair.

Tonight you are posting to help others.

I`m sure you are still in the depths of despair, but WELL DONE.

With love

 

[Amy]

Just my thought - well done Sarah Anne.
Just imagining the fish and chips - my idea of a good day too - especially out the paper sitting watching the sea.
Love Helen