Mum rang me at work yesterday afternoon. She ordered me to go round and see her last night. She said the GP had been to see her and had upset her so she needed to speak to me about it. I enquired what had been said. She said the GP told her that if she wanted to move back to xxxx then I would need to organise it. The GP also told her there was no need to change her medication and that there was no infections etc. Mum apparently thinks she is very unwell and so was expecting new/additional pills. According to her the doctor is useless because she didn't get new pills. My mother is not used to being told no. I told her that I would be there on Saturday as previously agreed.
I then rang the doctor. I was told the the GP found mum is no more depressed than at any other time. Her physical health is good considering her age, etc. She said that all offers of help such as 3 days of day centre attendance was refused. Mum told the doctor she had no family or friends in the area and sat in her flat all day every day all alone. At some point during the GP visit Liana arrived but it was not recorded if she spoke personally with her. The GP spoke to the warden who confirmed mum sits for 2-3 hours every day with her neighbours in a communal sitting area. The GP has formed the opinion that mum has made up her mind that she does not want to integrate into her new surroundings as is determined to be as miserable as possible. There's not alot I can say to that. The GP said mum has no insight whatsoever into the fact that she has dementia and needs care.
Last night mum rang me at home. "you never called round". I said "I did tell you i would be round on Saturday". She then launched into how Margaret had been on the phone. Margaret apparently said it was a disgrace the way I was treating mum considering all she had done for me. My only reply was "is that so". I willing to bet Margaret said no such thing. Mum has become quite good at putting her own words into other people's mouths. I could start so many arguments if I acted on everything she said. Mum then launched into me and told me how useless I was and that she was turning her back on me. She told me to never darken her door again and that she wanted nothing more to do with me. 10 chances to 1 she'll have forgotten about it either today or tomorrow.
It seems if she can't get her own way she tries
1. being sugar sweet to persuade you to come to her way of thinking
2. flicks a switch and starts to cry to see if that will work
3. start being verbally abusive - maybe that will work
4. If all else fails threaten. Lately its been Solicitors
I would love to just bundle her and her possessions up and leave her back in xxxx but I know this would not be wise. It would be akin to leaving a small child on the street to fend for itself. Mum has this great ideal in her mind that all will be ok if I could only get back to xxxx. She diesn't realise that back there she would be totally on her own with no carers and no social supports of any kind. Yes her so called friends would visit but there is no one to help her with food, laundry, medication, bills etc. All the essentials of day to day living would be on her own head.
Even after all that's gone on I hate to see mum so unhappy but for now her safety and her other needs are met so its all I can do. The happiness she is seeking is not possible in that it would require her moving back xxxx and then having someone live with her 24/7. She was complaining of loneliness when she was living back there so its been an ongoing thing. I noticed other ladies in her care home also complained of being lonely yet they were sitting in groups of people.
Isabella
I then rang the doctor. I was told the the GP found mum is no more depressed than at any other time. Her physical health is good considering her age, etc. She said that all offers of help such as 3 days of day centre attendance was refused. Mum told the doctor she had no family or friends in the area and sat in her flat all day every day all alone. At some point during the GP visit Liana arrived but it was not recorded if she spoke personally with her. The GP spoke to the warden who confirmed mum sits for 2-3 hours every day with her neighbours in a communal sitting area. The GP has formed the opinion that mum has made up her mind that she does not want to integrate into her new surroundings as is determined to be as miserable as possible. There's not alot I can say to that. The GP said mum has no insight whatsoever into the fact that she has dementia and needs care.
Last night mum rang me at home. "you never called round". I said "I did tell you i would be round on Saturday". She then launched into how Margaret had been on the phone. Margaret apparently said it was a disgrace the way I was treating mum considering all she had done for me. My only reply was "is that so". I willing to bet Margaret said no such thing. Mum has become quite good at putting her own words into other people's mouths. I could start so many arguments if I acted on everything she said. Mum then launched into me and told me how useless I was and that she was turning her back on me. She told me to never darken her door again and that she wanted nothing more to do with me. 10 chances to 1 she'll have forgotten about it either today or tomorrow.
It seems if she can't get her own way she tries
1. being sugar sweet to persuade you to come to her way of thinking
2. flicks a switch and starts to cry to see if that will work
3. start being verbally abusive - maybe that will work
4. If all else fails threaten. Lately its been Solicitors
I would love to just bundle her and her possessions up and leave her back in xxxx but I know this would not be wise. It would be akin to leaving a small child on the street to fend for itself. Mum has this great ideal in her mind that all will be ok if I could only get back to xxxx. She diesn't realise that back there she would be totally on her own with no carers and no social supports of any kind. Yes her so called friends would visit but there is no one to help her with food, laundry, medication, bills etc. All the essentials of day to day living would be on her own head.
Even after all that's gone on I hate to see mum so unhappy but for now her safety and her other needs are met so its all I can do. The happiness she is seeking is not possible in that it would require her moving back xxxx and then having someone live with her 24/7. She was complaining of loneliness when she was living back there so its been an ongoing thing. I noticed other ladies in her care home also complained of being lonely yet they were sitting in groups of people.
Isabella