What to take to nursing home

[Eddgreen]

i went in my mums bedroom and a resident was sat on her bed sorting mums things
said to me she would call the police if i did not get out of her bedroom
she's in mums room every day
all my mums things are marked

 

[Chemmy]

I've a put couple of studio photos of Mum, aged 18, in frames in her room, (copies of course!)

She's never shown any interest in them but I felt they were a reminder to the carers that she was once a beautiful young woman too, and not always the wrinkled old lady she is now.

 

[Karjo]

Thankyou all very much for such useful advice. I know it seemed a minor worry but the amount of replies reassures me about how to go about things, if and when it ever happens.
I have been busy trying to get my mum out of the psychiatric unit where she is on a section but sadly it looks like she will be stuck there for some time as funding cannot be agreed.
They want me to sign a form for me to make a top up payment even though I thought with section 117 care was supposed to be paid. ( its not a nursing home with chandeliers and ensuites- its the only one with a vacancy and I liked the manager and it didn't smell) If I agree they will rush things along but if I don't agree I suppose she will be stuck there. All posts on here always say dont sign for top ups so it was excrutiating at the time but I refused. I'm not going to commit to that liability without looking into it and to be honest as desperate as I am to get her out of there, I am going to face reality in that she probably will never improve so no rush. Its me that is the problem and if mum can manage it then so can I. She's a much tougher character than I am but at least now she no longer blames me for everything so we have got a bit of a relationship,back and I am grateful for that. She would have loved the fight with officialdom and always thought I was a weak character. I have always avoided any authority but perhaps now is the time to do it and stick up for my mum (don't think I could do it for myself though)
I am in no hurry now (probably still trying to avoid the issue really) i have been desperately upset by everything over the last few days, feeling guilty and responsible for her happiness which is a trap I keep falling into.
Anyway having just hi jacked my own thread I will now stick to my guns and not be rushed into any more rash decisions and do things in my own time and at my own pace. I am sick of rushing about fighting bushfires and trying to rescue her from herself or others as it can't be done! i am just going to be a stubburn mule instead I think.

 

[Chemmy]

feeling guilty and responsible for her happiness which is a trap I keep falling into.

Well done for realising it is a trap.

 

[cathy baldwin]

Hi Karjo

You have received some sound advice around making sure that personal items are marked with Mums name. It is always difficult to decide what to take and what gets left behind with a move to a care setting, I would suggest that the first step must be to decide on where Mum will be going and then have a good chat with the manager and staff to explore what scope you have to bring her own items in and how they will best meet Mums physical needs to be involved and maintain her creative interests.

As a woman, I am horrified at the idea of 'communal handbags'! I do support the notion of having a number of interactive items around for everyone to enjoy and explore, but nothing would replace my own personal handbag containing all the 'junk' I have carried around for years, 'just in case' I need it. I would also suggest that if Mum is used to having money in her purse, then this is also something important that would reduce her stress level, be practical about the amount she has and as already suggested, her credit cards may also be important, even if they are no longer in date so can't be used. When my uncle was in care, he refused to eat or drink anything that he didn't think he had paid for, he also needed to feel he had done a fair days work as he had done throughout his life. The activity coordinator was amazing in understanding his needs and thinking outside of the box to find 'jobs' for him to do.

Choose you items based on what Mum will relate to best rather than what might look best, it is important that she feels 'at home' in her personal space so if possible, mirror what she might have had at home. It is often tempting to buy new and smarter items of clothing but if Mum doesn't recognise these items as her own, she may well reject them and search for what she believes is hers.

The most importnant item you can give the home would be a personal profile for your Mum, this can be a simple outline of who she is and what she likes to talk about and do, it is also vital to include and areas that might be sensitive for Mum so that staff can understand her life history and be supportive of her sense of reality.

If you are still struggling with this, I would strongly advise you to contact your local ALzheimer's Society service ( you can find the contact details on our website) and have a chat with them?

I wish you and your Mum a sucessful move and hope you can continue the special relationship you have.

With very best wishes

Cathy

 

[Resigned]

I'm with Eddgreen on this one, everything my mother took into the CH has disappeared. In fact, the last few visits I've made to the CH, her room looks as if no-one lives in it.

Frankly, I've given up. It's also made absolutely no difference whatsoever that everything has been labelled very clearly with her name.

R

 

[cornishmaid]

How I understand what you are going through!!

Firstly, try not to stress too much over things and ask for help from the home as much as you can - if they are a good home you will find that they fully understand your situation.

Firstly I would suggest that you LABEL EVERYTHING that you want to take into the home!! Secondly, don't take in anything of value and if you buy clothes don't buy expensive makes as they tend to go missing or get ruined in the washing! I agree with the other members that I found that you didn't need to take in that much as they only lose, fight or worry over it. My dad is a real tea-leaf and used to pick up anything he could find - we found several pairs of false teeth in his room even though he doesn't have false teeth!!

Dad is also a DIY specialist (or so he thinks). He used to regularly set off the fire alarms to try and fix them and gave the electrician a lot of "useful" advice when he was fixing the fuses once! We bought dad a child's drill (I know it sound demeaning but it kept him busy) and we found that a one armed bandit kept him amused for hours as he loved putting his money in and winning it back!! We replaced his real money with children's money (which is quite realistic) and he enjoyed having this in his pocket and taking it out to stack it up and put it back again! It really is like having a child again and finding alternative ways to amuse and stimulate them. Boredom I find makes dad very unsettled and difficult to handle. We also bought him a special alzheimers jigsaw puzzle of a steam train which he enjoyed.

I hope this helps a little and again, I really do know what you are going through and I too have had to finish work just to get my head back together again after a particularly stressful time with dad. I have got him into a really good home now who fully understand his dementia and his needs which is a great weight off my mind. Remember, you don't have to stick with a home you feel isn't right for your parent.

Good luck!