Thought things were going ok ...

[cris]

Hi Chants. Sorry I can't offer much, I know what is normal for one is definitely not the same for another in what is remembered, or the time scale of decline.
Have you been in touch with your local Alz society ? I am sure they can offer lots of advice and help.
cris

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Chants,

Hve you started keeping that diary yet?

If you showed your latest post to anyone, they would surely see your mother is in need of protection.

It really sounds as if you are at the end of the road, with the responsibilities you have. I know what it`s like to work full time and be a carer too. Something has to give.

I really wouldn`t worry what other people will think, if your mother acuses you of taking her money. They will know she`s confused.

I`m afraid the only way you`ll get help is to make a niusance of yourself and pester SS. Your mother does sound at risk, and you need some peace of mind.

Let us know how you get on.

With love

 

[Margarita]

Yesterday I asked her to change her continence pad, and she got a frozen meal out of the freezer and asked me what she had to change it to. Then a few minutes later, seemed 'ok'

My mother use to do that, but she was not in pads then. Just use to urinate all over her house. I could not understand this strange behaviour as the next few days she was like normal.

I was working full time , having to take time of work and people saying to be that my mother nearly got run over , I would go to the doctor and all he say is make sure your mother take her medication for diabetic.

I like you just wanted to run away and the thing is I did. I followed my mother, who just wanted to go back to Gibraltar. I thought will at lest they she may get over her grief of my father dieing , help her and then come back , then the nightmare began , but at lest when she was getting so confused when she had an argument with her sister and got lost and I found her at the police station with a social worker telling me of for bring her to Gibraltar and saying that I would better of back in England as they services for the elderly are better , she told me that my mother could end up in a man house if she stayed in Gibraltar , well god tell me someone first what was wrong with my mother, my mother was referred to an elderly consultant had a brain scan was told she had AZ and given medication for late stages of AZ , the thing was that after the medication kick in my mother was no more incontinent I got her in the system in Gibraltar as we where all born there and then she went for one day to daycentre , while I still in shock still in denial in how bad my mother could possibly became

So my point is ether get medication for your mother for AZ, or tell those social worker you want your mother is a care home , sort out EPOA , your , your mother next of Kin , you’re the only one that has your mother best interest at heart , all social services care is that your mother stay at home because its cheaper then the local authority puting your mother in to a good residence care home .

Can you take holiday or compassionate leave so you can demand the care your mother need from social service? Would your mother go into a home anyway? And have you as a family talk about getting medication for AZ for your mother or not ?

 

[chants]

Mum fell at home

Hi to everyone and thanks for all your thoughts, it realy helps.

Mum fell last night and ended up in hospital. She could not walk at all and was more confused than ever.

She is going into intermediate care today, don't know how long for, still waiting to be told she has been transferred. They then say that when they have got her back on her feet, she can go home!

She still cannot walk, get in, or out of bed unaided, which she could before and they still talk about sending her home, in fact, when she ambulance people came, they didn't want to take her to hospital at first, I went spare.

The doctor she saw in A&E said that it was her dementia that was worse and causing it, and he had done loads of tests etc., so I would have thought he should know, and then when she went onto the 'holding ward', they have said that it a urine infection that is causing all of this and she will be able to go home. I don't quite believe that.

Today I have been told by someone who has visited her, that while they were there, they witnessed Mum, gettng loads of coins out from her cupboard, which I didn't know were there, in their money bags, putting them onto her trolley and then proceeding to try and get them out with a spoon and eat them! They distracted Mum and removed them, that could have been a great tragedy if she had eaten them at all. I have been to Mum's and removed them, there were so many that I had to carry them out in a bag with both hands, I will have to try and go through things there to see what else there is.

I have told the social worker today that she is not going home, under no circumstances, and there was no reaction to this. It is so frustrating! The only good thing is that Mum should be safe for the time being.

Take care everyone. God bless. Chants

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Chants,
Sorry your mum had a fall and is now in hospital, but glad in a way that you`ll get some respite.

These urinary tract infections seem to have no symptoms, other than affecting balance. My husband fell and broke his arm, 2 years ago. He was out for a walk, feeling fine, then felt dizzy, fell and couldn`t get up. He was found to have a urinary tract infection too.

Your mum`s confusion does seem to be increasing. Hopefully the hospital will see by their observations and assessment that she should have 24 hour care.

Please let us know how she gets on.

 

[Skye]

Dear Chants

So sorry to hear about your mum, but it could be a blessing in disguise if she is assessed as needing 24 hour care.

I do hope for your sake they manage to get things sorted out for her, it sounds as if she is no longer safe to live alone.

Love,

 

[keepittogether]

thought things were going ok?

Hi sorry to hear about your mum, my mum started like that about 3 years ago maybe longer, at first we shrugged a lot of it off saying its old age and it couldnt be helped, now mum is in second stages of alzheimers and things are a lot worse, my only bit of advise is to have someone apply for the power of atterney while your mum is in the first stages because believe me things get much more complicated as time goes on, you will find you will need some sort of authority later, i know it seems harsh but it will really help you and your family in the long run to look after your mum's affairs and her well being.
The bright side is your mum will still have her sence of humour from time to time and dont forget to have a laugh she will appreciate it, and when things get tough we are still hear to listen to you.
take care

 

[chants]

Update

Went to see Mum yesterday - she is much the same, still confused, still unable to walk, can stand as before, but cannot take steps.

She couldn't remember what she had just eaten for tea, told me off for not bringing her toilet bag, which I had, said that she had lost her clothes, no, just the usual. I am having a day off today and my brother is going to see her, I will go on sunday - although at this moment in time, I don't quite know what to do with myself, feel like I have lost her for good, I know I haven't, but it feels like it.

I know she is being looked after, the intermediate care home is very nice and clean and the staff are lovely, it is very safe, they cannot wander out and you cannot get in unless you are let in. Mum is safe for the first time in ages,

There is going to be a meeting on Friday afternoon to talk about what is going to happen next, I am simply dreading it, I feel that they will try and get her home and I know I am going to lose my temper, same old scenario - my brother is actually going to participate - hallelujah! We will wait and see what happens, will keep you posted.

Thanks you all for listening, god bless, all of you take care. Chants

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Chants, I know it`s easy to say, but please try not to lose your temper. The only one it will upset is you.

Just state as clearly and as calmly as you can, how much safer your mum is and what a relief it is for you to know that she is safe and being well cared for.

Good luck, with love

 

[chants]

Had Mums meeting

Hello to all

Had mums meeting at the respite home, mum wasn't very well today, had pain in her upper back, shoulder and side. Mum was asked wat she thought about things, but it was too much for her to take in. She said that she would have liked to go home, but realises that she could not cope on her own at home and wanted to stay where she was. She liked it there, unfortunately she can't, it is only for respite. I now have to look for somewhere, but have unofficially been told where to go and look. It was a relief to know that all the 'professionals' were all saying the same thing, that they couldn't say that they could cover all mums needs during the day, and definitely couldn't cover all of Mums needs during the night, if she is in her own home. Mum is up 6 or 7 times during the night, cannot get out of bed unaided, has been incontinent doubly during the night.

I feel sad really, feel like I've lost her again, I know I wanted this to happen, but still cannot stop feeling awful about the whole thing and wondering whether I could cope with her at home still, but know that I couldn't and feel that I have let her down.

I know I have to be able to get through the next move to another home for her, and don't know whether I can do it again. My brother who was there at the meeting, seems to be leaving it to me, as he didn't say anything, I did all the talking.

Thanks for listening. Take care. Chants

 

[Skye]

Hi Chants

That sounds like a successful meeting. Well done for keeping calm and stating your case.

You know your mum needs 24 hour care, and it's good that the professioals now agree with you.

I know it's hard. I think putting a loved one into care is the hardest decision a carer has to make. But you know it's inevitable, and with the professionals on your side you'll get through it.

Just concentrate on how much easier it's going to be when you don't have to worry 24 hours a day about your mum. You'll be able to spend quality time with her when you visit, and hopefully get your relationship with your mum back on track.

LOve,

 

[Kathleen]

Hello Chants

I have been following your thread and know how you feel, getting a care home for Mum was the hardest thing I ever did, but two years on, I know it was the right thing to do, for her and the family.

On one of my visits, she was sitting back in a chair relaxed and smiling and I asked her if she was happy living there, she said "oh,yes,very" that took such a huge weight off my shoulders.

There will always be the odd visits that are difficult for you, but make the most of the happy times you will have together.

She is still you Mum, somewhere deep inside and the bond of love between you is something that even AD can never break.

Kathleen

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Chants

I`m glad the meeting went well, even though you were upset about the final decision.

Deep in your heart, however much you would like to care for your mother at home, you know it`s unrealistsic. It seems she knows it too.

When my mother moved from the first unsatisfactory home to a better one, the new home arranged the move for me. They picked her up, took her and settled her in before I went to visit.

This way, she didn`t pick up on my anxiety and the move was uneventful.

Hope your mum`s move goes smoothly and you like the home you`ve been reccommended.

With love

 

[Margarita]

Chants

I know its easy for me to say, but I am pleased to read that your mother like it at the respite home and understood that she could not care for herself at home , also pleased that SS are on your side in knowing that your mother can not go home , it sounds like its going to be stress full for you in finding a new home for your mother , because your doing it alone , but at the end of the day in the future your mind be at peace knowing she safely in side somewhere she can not put herself in danger nor wonder out into the street . You have done a good job standing your ground in not sending your mother home well done (even if you don't feel it )

Hope you have a lovely mother day with your mother tomorrow