What to do?

[Nanak]

Mum is barely eating and drinking it took two hours yesterday for three spoons of soup and a quarter cup of thickened liquid.
I visited Mums Dr on Monday (didn't bring enough of my medications, how, I don't know ) and told him about Mum. He said she needs to be in bed and not taken out. (He had seen Mum and SF last week in the pouring rain, with Mum in a Sou wester.). He admitted SF doesn't listen asked if my sister and I could try talking to him. Tried that

The thing is I am due to go home next Wednesday and I don't know what to do. Don't know how long this will last, whether she will pick up and eat again. I have seen a steady deterioration with Mum since I arrived almost five weeks ago. Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come

 

[Butter]

I do think you are doing really well in near-impossible circumstances. I think if you can continue to monitor the situation you will feel you are doing all you can, and that is very important in the long run.
If I were you (and I do not have the massive practical problem of living the other side of the world) I would take a good look at your travel insurance. It could well be you are covered to move your flights etc for a close family member's health/death.
Depending on your other commitments I would either stay here - or go home but with an open return already booked.
I would also ask the GP and the carers you feel you can talk to - how long they think this could go on. Of course nobody knows but on the other hand they have plenty of experience and may be able to tell you it could go on for months or years.
I was told once the eating and drinking stopped it could be 24 hours or 24 days. And the carers were not afraid to tell me that. They were humane.

 

[turbo]

Hello Nanak, what an impossible situation this is ( and has been for a long time). How heartbreaking to have to witness how your stepfather behaves. I think you and your siblings cope admirably with this impossible situation.


turbo

 

[CaPattinson]

Nanak, I don't know what to say, seems I am always saying that it is true but I do think of you a lot, my dear friend. hang on in there, girl!! xx

 

[rajahh]

I am so saddened to read of your heartbreaking sitution nanak.

I too have no words to solve your dilemma.

My husband eats very little, drinks very little, is quite frail. I allow him to go at his own pace, get up when he wants etc.

I do not have help but would ask for it if he needed a wheelchair and lifting.

This is a heavy burden for you especially as yoi are due to return home shortly.

All I can offer is love Jeannette

 

[Nanak]

Thank you all. It does help knowing people are there
Had some sad news from Oz too. One of our students in the class I work was expecting a baby brother. Heard this morning bub was stillborn, the cord was round his neck.
Mum being taken to hairdresser this afternoon. Rain coming down in buckets, she will need a boat not a wheelchair
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come

 

[fluff]

Thank you all. It does help knowing people are there
...Mum being taken to hairdresser this afternoon. Rain coming down in buckets, she will need a boat not a wheelchair
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come

Oh Nanak this must be so difficult for you to deal with. I understand SF cares about your mum and has taken over somewhat, so now feels they have a right to make decisons - but actually, do they? If they are not related then legally you can over-ride them, surely?

 

[florence43]

Dear Nanak,

I read your threads and all I do is slowly shake my head. It seems so wrong, so silly and so ignorant of your SF to be taking your poor mum anywhere on a bus, booking hair appointments, and giving her coke, for wind. Looking back, I wish it had just been wind... Please don't think I'm trivializing, or being trite, because his treatment of her makes me awfully sad.

I hope and think his actions are misguided, but your mum's illness and deterioration are bad enough without his interpretation of care. I know there's little you can do, and I know how it tears you apart, so I imagine I'm just echoing your own feelings and simply saying I understand them.

As for what to do? My gut says stay. If you can. If it's at all possible. I wonder if you're needed more here, for the time being, than back home? When you describe your mum's condition, I look back at my own mum, and when she took 1 hour to take 3 spoonfuls, I knew it couldn't be long. But how your mum gets on a bus, in a taxi, in a hairdresser's chair is unimaginable. My mum, at that stage, simply couldn't.

It's hard to look ahead and wonder about all the "...what ifs...". You do everything you can for your mum. If you have to leave, she'd understand, I'm sure of it. If you stay, the time may come again, when the return date looms. What if you face the same problem then? Can you change it to an open return because of the circumstances? I wish I knew, so I could save you the time of finding out. We know that nobody can give a time-line, but realistically, she doesn't sound well at all, xxx

 

[Nanak]

Oh Nanak this must be so difficult for you to deal with. I understand SF cares about your mum and has taken over somewhat, so now feels they have a right to make decisons - but actually, do they? If they are not related then legally you can over-ride them, surely?

Hi Fluff
SF is my stepfather who has power of attorney and as such thinks he can do what he likes (actually it turns out he can ).
Florence (Annie)
Mum is taken everywhere in a wheelchair. He only transfers by himself at home and then stands at the back of her and holds her round her waist moving her feet one at a time with his feet. When she has to go somewhere by car he stands her up twists her round and sits her down again, then puts her feet in. Any offers of help are very quickly declined. As Mum has no capacity to voice an opinion she gets taken where he wants when he wants in whatever weather. Honestly she looks like a bag lady (she would be mortified if she could see herself )
I have decided to wait til Monday before I make a decision. She is eating a little more today apparently but is not up to normal (whatever normal may be). He took her to the hairdresser in a wheelchair this afternoon with her sou wester on. Luckily it didn't rain on the way back .
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
Although to be honest I could never have imagined it would be this bad for Mum. If I had known I would have had missing what has gone and terrified of what is coming