Mum in final stages

[KatieB]

My parents' GP has told me that although it is not imminent, my mother is deteriorating quickly and that it is time for me to let family and friends know that if they want to visit, now would be best. She is barely conscious now, doesn't speak and shows little enthusiasm for anything, not even for her grandson or her dog. I know she could remain in this state for quite some time. The GP told me all of this 2 days ago and yesterday morning I gathered myself and began making the calls. I don't want to alarm my mothers' brothers, they are in their 80's and frail too, but they have the right to chat to her in the hope that she understands them and knows them. My mum is the youngest of her siblings, the youngest of 13. She has always been the "wee sister". Is it wrong that I want this to be over soon? She is so frail and so sad, she's in pain and her joints and muscles are wasted away. My dad is devastated, he too has dementia, but he understands what's going on.
Katie

 

[chris53]

Dear Katie, am so sorry that mum seems to be giving up, my thoughts are with you, so wonderful but painful for the rest of the family but they can see her as there seems to be limited time, oh how I wish we could all have this chance be brave and strong and mum will be at peace

sending a hug and best wishes for this difficult journey ahead - Chris x

 

[BeckyJan]

I realise what a sad time this is for you. I am in a similar position with my husband.

I do not think you are wrong to want this all over. It is because you care and want your Mum free of pain and peaceful. I hope the GP can offer some sort of pain relief.
For my husband the nurses are allowed to use morphine if pain becomes a problem; he is already on suppository paracetomol (because he is not consistently taking medication). I have also asked for the 'end of life' care package of medication to be available should he be in difficulty during the very final stage.

Perhaps you could speak to the doctor about this.

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

 

[Grannie G]

I feel so sad for you Katie. I don`t think it is wrong at all that you want to see an end to your mother`s pain. I`m sure she does too.

 

[blandford516]

Hi Katie ,

Like you I also have two sick parents . I totally understand where you are coming from thinking of you and wishing you all the best . x

 

[Nanak]

Hi Katie
I too had a conversation with my Mums Dr a few weeks back and was told exactly the same thing as you. Best to visit sooner than later (I live in Australia Mum here in UK)
I have been here for three and a half weeks and have two weeks left before I go back.
Mum has had a couple more TIA's since I arrived and has definately deteriorated in the last three weeks with eating/drinking. But.... who knows how much longer she will be here. I feel just like you. I wish it could be over for her
One thing I will ask, how do you know that your Mum is in pain? It is something that has worried me since I arrived as Mum was really crying one day (no noise just tears streaming down her face) and quite often mumbles away to herself. I feel she is trying to tell us there is something bothering her.
I do feel for you it is an awful time
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come

 

[fluff]

Is it wrong that I want this to be over soon? She is so frail and so sad, she's in pain and her joints and muscles are wasted away.
Katie

I hope it is not wrong, because it is what I want for my m-i-l too. She and I were never very close - rubbed along for the sake of my husband - but it is cruel to see her like this

My thoughts are with you.

 

[zeeeb]

Don't feel bad. That's what we all want, a quick death when the time comes, so in wishing for it for your mum, you are only wishing what we all wish for ourselves.

Nobody wants to suffer in pain, everyone wants to die quickly and peacefully.

 

[Izzy]

I felt exactly the same in my mum's last weeks almost a year ago. I think ir's only natural to want someone you love to find peace. x

 

[KatieB]

Hi Everyone, thank you for so many kind words. Last night my mum was more alert than I have seen her for months. She said my name several times and was able to open her eyes. As for her pain, she also has osteoporosis. so has been in pain for years. I just don't want her to suffer any longer. She is on morphine patches but they are not strong enough and some paracetamol. I am interested in the "end of life" care package. I don't know what that is.
Thank you to all of you. Sending hugs and happy thoughts your way.
Katie

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Katie,
AFA I understand it is a package for the nurses to use at the very end stage when pain is difficult to manage. So I believe it contains medication to help possible nausea, pain, seizures and distress and is much the same as given to cancer patients to make their passing more comfortable and peaceful.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

 

[Onlyme]

This may help.

http://www.endoflifecareforadults.nhs.uk/case-studies/lcp

 

[Dazmum]

I'm thinking of you Katie xxxx