Gary's things

[elaine n]

I've not been on for a long time time now - I find it so difficult now he's gone. Tonight I bagged up a lot of Gary's clothes to put out for the recycling collection - I hope the neighbours didn't see me 10 minuites ago taking all the bags out for recycling. I can't bring myself to send the clothes to a charity shop - if I were to see them them there it would kill me, I can only do a bit at a time. I do what I can when I can and sometimes that just seems so pathetic, my solicitor needs loads of informaton to complete probate but it just doesn't seem important so I put it on the back burner

I thought when all this was over for us that I would be able to support other people but that doesn't seem to be the case. It doesn't make me feel good about myself. I thought I was better than that

 

[jeany123]

I have no idea how I would feel in your situation, it must be very hard for you and i understand about the clothes ,Why should you be brave and support people , your life has changed beyond recognition and you should take as long as you need to grieve it doesn't make you weak it just proves how deep your feelings go,,Even though I am new on here and didn't read about your life then, I hope you soon feel a bit stronger and I am thinking of you,


Jeany x

 

[piedwarbler]

Dear Elaine
Hi, I've thought about you often and I'm glad you've posted.
I hope I can reassure you that no one expects you to help other posters unless you feel you are ready to. I know I am not helping others very much at all at the moment and I haven't lost anybody. It's your turn to take support right now.
It must be so enormously hard to let go of Gary's things and I'm not at all surprised you feel as you do. My FIL still has his wife's things - plenty of them - and it's years since she passed away. And that's fine - he doesn't have to get rid of them until and unless he's ready. There's no timescale for these things, everyone is different and I think I would find it really hard to let go of things.
It is still so close for you Elaine, we are all here for you. You went through so much - are still going through so much.
Sending you warmest wishes and love,

 

[Izzy]

Good morning Elaine. I can totally understand how you must feel and I think you're right about maybe seeing the things in a charity shop. I too think of you. Take care. x

 

[Helen33]

Morning Elaine,

It's so good to see you and to 'hear' you so to speak Of course you're not ready to support others, you still have so much on your plate with unfinished business. Those things on the back burner use up huge amounts of energy to keep them there and so I imagine you feel tired more too

Love to you

 

[scarletpauline]

Hi Elaine

I think of you often too and our lovely day in Weston when I met your lovely Gary. I look at the photo with us all on it and still can't believe he has gone, he did so well that day.
I can so understand why you don't want to get rid of all his things, do it slowly, a bit at a time IF you can and if not, keep them sweetheart, they hold memories for you.

Sending you love. We will be in Weston in August so hope we can meet up so I can give you a big hug?

Love Pauline xxxxx

 

[2jays]

Hi Elaine. I echo what has been said. You could always keep his clothes stored out of sight, there is no need to give them away if you are finding it difficult.

As to you not helping people on here, just by posting that you are finding things difficult, the solicitor, etc, and you ask for support, I am sure is helping someone know they are not alone feeling the feelings they are, and it's ok to admit it - so you are helping.
Xx

 

[MissisT]

You've helped me with your post Elaine - I did the same with my husband's clothes. xx

 

[Sue J]

Dear Elaine

It's good to hear you. One day at a time, it is still early days.
We can all only do waht we are able to do at any given time, don't expect too much of yourself.
Love
Sue

 

[Contrary Mary]

Dear Elaine

Oh how I feel for you. It all seemed so straightforward when it was theoretical but now it is reality it is much much harder.

I have started volunteering to get me out of the house, but in the end decided to work in the office. At least I can feel that I am useful as I am freeing up time for the paid workers to do their jobs, but I found that I could only face a sort of "indirect" role when it came to it.

I can only do a bit at a time. I do what I can when I can

Exactly. I have managed to do the stuff for the probate but against that there are other things that I struggle with.

Those things on the back burner use up huge amounts of energy to keep them there

Very true, Helen.

Elaine, I see you posted at half past one in the morning so I hope you can have a restful day today.

Thinking of you
Mary
x

 

[larivy]

Hi Elaine it's good to hear from you I still have a lot of mums things they are special to me and I will always keep them we all have to do what we want to there is no right and wrong
I am waiting for 2people to arrive today to interview me to become a host carer I have worked in the caring field all my life so I feel lost not having no one to care for I'm still not 100% sure I will be able to do it but I won't know until I try
Take your time Elaine take one day at a time you will know when your ready don't feel guilty thinking of you love Laraine

 

[creativesarah]

blessings my lovely

Missed seeing you online but I know that you pop in !

I can fully identify with the difficulty of seeing people in Garys clothes I gave my dads clothes to our church clothing store and its strange to see fred in my dads shoes and Clive always wears my dads Pierre cardin blazer if he needs to look smart!

So I think you have done the wise thing

Little friend margaret from the boat has just arrived so I'd better go !

 

[CollegeGirl]

Elaine, I haven't read the other replies as I just wanted to quickly say that you must take things at your own pace and not worry about anything else but being gentle on yourself. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing, we all cope with things differently and if you can only do a bit at a time that's perfectly all right. You're certainly not pathetic and you sound like a lovely person. None of us know how we will react when the time comes. Some of us might be whirling dervishes, some of us may need to take it easy - there's no right or wrong way, I'm sure.

Do take care of yourself. xx

 

[elaine n]

Thank you everyone, you're all wonderful in your support and I appreciate it so much. x

Pauline, I'd love to see you and Jack and Sonia too when you come down x