I lost my mum to dementia 3 months ago and the last six months of her life were awful. My dad who is 82 was obviously devastated and when he started acting strangely it was put down to his bereavement, I was unconvinced and asked for him to be tested for Alzheimer's, after memory tests and a brain scan he has now being diagnosed with two types of dementia! I don't know what to do, I have just being through it once and off we go again. My dad has always being a control freak and he is already becoming very demanding. I visit him every day but he wants me to stay for hours as he is "lonely", I have encouraged him to go out to social events etc but he refuses, he justs sits in his chair all day staring out of window and then moaning nothing is happening. He doesn't do any household chores, wash himself or change his clothes but refuses any outside help to assist him. I love him dearly but he is making me feel I'll. Help!
I don't know how much more I can take!
- Thread starter dot1965
- Start date
I cannot begin to imagine how badly you feel.
I have no answers for you only compassion.
It is nigh impossible to deal with those who will not accept help except from only family.
Would he go to a Day Centre if transport came for him, . Then he wouls not be lonely, and he might want to change his clothes to make himself presentable for others.
My own husband would never change his clothes either unless I put the clean ones out for him and remove the others as he gets into his pyjamas.
Your situation is so much more difficult
J+eannette
I have no answers for you only compassion.
It is nigh impossible to deal with those who will not accept help except from only family.
Would he go to a Day Centre if transport came for him, . Then he wouls not be lonely, and he might want to change his clothes to make himself presentable for others.
My own husband would never change his clothes either unless I put the clean ones out for him and remove the others as he gets into his pyjamas.
Your situation is so much more difficult
J+eannette
My mum died aged 81 of vascular dementia in Feb 2011 and my dad is also very lonely. They had been married for 60 years. He too wanted his family ( which is usually me) to be with him a lot of the time and would not join in things that were going on at the flats where he live. My husband has AD ( diagnosed in 2008) and it is now at the moderate to severe stage so it is not so easy to be there for everyone. Recently my dad is starting to mix a bit more but it must be much more difficult for your dad as he not only has the bereavement but the dementia as well.
My husband goes to day care twice a week and all the old ladies make a real fuss of him but there are not many other men there. Perhaps your dad could be persuaded to try daycare. We also used to go to the Dementia Cafe and I found that helpful from talking to the other carers. Maybe you could try this with your dad. There were more men at the dementia cafe. We had to give that up as when we got the second daycare session it clashed. My husband also enjoys Singing for The Brain so if this is running in your area maybe your dad would try it
with best wishes,
Tre
My husband goes to day care twice a week and all the old ladies make a real fuss of him but there are not many other men there. Perhaps your dad could be persuaded to try daycare. We also used to go to the Dementia Cafe and I found that helpful from talking to the other carers. Maybe you could try this with your dad. There were more men at the dementia cafe. We had to give that up as when we got the second daycare session it clashed. My husband also enjoys Singing for The Brain so if this is running in your area maybe your dad would try it
with best wishes,
Tre
Hi dot,
So sorry to hear about your Dad. Just wanted to let you know that this happened to me too - my Mum was diagnosed on the day my Dad went into a care home in 2007. Mum had been acting strange but like you I put it down to the stress of what she was having to cope with (at least I was trying to fool myself that's what it was). The only thing I can say that might help is that having gone through it with your Mum at least you know what to expect with your Dad, although of course every journey is different. My Mum has overtaken my Dad and her AD is now much more advanced than he is, in as much as she can no longer move and he can just about still walk. Other than that neither can do anything for themselves.
One of my Mum's saying was "things are never that bad they can't get worse". But she also said, on the day my Dad went away, when she saw the tears in my eyes, "Don't cry for me and your Dad". I try to think of that at the really low points. It's not always easy but I think I have just got numb to it all over time.
Best wishes,
C
So sorry to hear about your Dad. Just wanted to let you know that this happened to me too - my Mum was diagnosed on the day my Dad went into a care home in 2007. Mum had been acting strange but like you I put it down to the stress of what she was having to cope with (at least I was trying to fool myself that's what it was). The only thing I can say that might help is that having gone through it with your Mum at least you know what to expect with your Dad, although of course every journey is different. My Mum has overtaken my Dad and her AD is now much more advanced than he is, in as much as she can no longer move and he can just about still walk. Other than that neither can do anything for themselves.
One of my Mum's saying was "things are never that bad they can't get worse". But she also said, on the day my Dad went away, when she saw the tears in my eyes, "Don't cry for me and your Dad". I try to think of that at the really low points. It's not always easy but I think I have just got numb to it all over time.
Best wishes,
C
Recent Threads
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Beginning of the End for Alzheimer's Disease?
- Latest: SeaSwallow
-
-
Staff online
-
HarrietDStaff Member