I have just had my mum on the phone again on tears, she is absolutely exhausted. My dad is getting more confused by the day and waking mum up all through the night. They came to see them in the morning when he is not too bad and they visited him at the day centre and they say he is not bad enough to warrant permanent care. But they don't come after 4pm when he is at his worse time.mum leaves constant messages but only gets palmed off by thr receptionist, and they don't ring her back until 2weeks later. She is at her wits end and I am 200 miles away. Please tell me what I can do to help her get some help.
What does it take to make social services listen?
- Thread starter dwnie
- Start date
Hi
Has your mother herself received a Carer's Assessment from social services?
http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/assessments/Pages/Carersassessments.aspx
"Most carers have a legal right to an assessment of their own needs. It is your chance to discuss with the social services department of your local authority what help you need with caring. You can discuss any help that would maintain your own health and balance caring with other aspects of your life, such as work and family. Social services uses the assessment to decide what help to provide."
If your mother can't cope with looking after your father yet they say he doesn't qualify for a care home place they have a duty to provide sufficent support to your mother to enable her to care for him at home - they can't have it both ways.
Does your father attend a Memory Clinic/Dementia service? It may be that you need to get a specialist in dementia care (ie if he's been seen by a psychiatrist or CPN via dementia/elderly services), to provide a report re the true extent of your father's problems and the inability of your mother to cope - social services are more likely to take notice of the opinion of another professional I'm afraid. It's a matter of continially chasing social services up - on a daily basis if necessary as they are exceedingly good at fobbing people off. You need to find out the name of the manager of the elderly services team and keep on at them. Whenever you phone social servies, ask for the full name fo the person you're speaking to, their job title and what team they work in. Then ask what they are going to do to help and ask by what date and hold them to it. You need to do this on behalf of your mother probably as it needs a lot of assertiveness and it sounds as if your mother is worn out from caring for your father.
Crossroads Care can provide a sitting service to give carers a break:-
http://www.crossroads.org.uk/?mid=21&pgid=141
Has your mother herself received a Carer's Assessment from social services?
http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/assessments/Pages/Carersassessments.aspx
"Most carers have a legal right to an assessment of their own needs. It is your chance to discuss with the social services department of your local authority what help you need with caring. You can discuss any help that would maintain your own health and balance caring with other aspects of your life, such as work and family. Social services uses the assessment to decide what help to provide."
If your mother can't cope with looking after your father yet they say he doesn't qualify for a care home place they have a duty to provide sufficent support to your mother to enable her to care for him at home - they can't have it both ways.
Does your father attend a Memory Clinic/Dementia service? It may be that you need to get a specialist in dementia care (ie if he's been seen by a psychiatrist or CPN via dementia/elderly services), to provide a report re the true extent of your father's problems and the inability of your mother to cope - social services are more likely to take notice of the opinion of another professional I'm afraid. It's a matter of continially chasing social services up - on a daily basis if necessary as they are exceedingly good at fobbing people off. You need to find out the name of the manager of the elderly services team and keep on at them. Whenever you phone social servies, ask for the full name fo the person you're speaking to, their job title and what team they work in. Then ask what they are going to do to help and ask by what date and hold them to it. You need to do this on behalf of your mother probably as it needs a lot of assertiveness and it sounds as if your mother is worn out from caring for your father.
Crossroads Care can provide a sitting service to give carers a break:-
http://www.crossroads.org.uk/?mid=21&pgid=141
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When I tried to get mum into care her social worker didn't really listen or support me. Didn't answer my phone calls etc. In the end I sent her an email detailing all my concerns and stated that I was unable to cope. I went on to say that if anything happened to mum (she was going walk about, very unsteady etc) because I couldn't give her the care she needed even though I was asking social services to help, that I would hold the department fully responsible for it. I was phoned back within 10 minutes of sending the email, mum was in respite within 5 hours and went on into full time care.
I don't know your mums full circumstances or problems, but its always worth a try.
Good luck
x
I don't know your mums full circumstances or problems, but its always worth a try.
Good luck
x
I think the advice above is very good, the written word always seems to get the message across better than any telephone call, and if a detailed written account is on the system, then you are putting the social worker or care manager in the postion that they have to take note. No matter how well you think you explain things, it is much easier to write something down and review it and make sure it is all there before sending.
Do hope your Mum can get the help she needs, and if you back her up as well with a written account of what is going on and your concerns then it may help.
Do hope your Mum can get the help she needs, and if you back her up as well with a written account of what is going on and your concerns then it may help.
Hello
I agree with Nessa456 on this - you may have to do the contacting for your Mum now. I've been doing this for my sister (our Mum's carer) as she's very depressed. Like you I live on the opposite side of the country so I'm not there to help on a daily basis, but phone calls/letters/emails I can do! You need to be quite focussed and persistent. Personally I find emailing gets the best results. I've been known to do that in the wee small hours, sleeping better because I know the social worker will read it first thing in the morning, rather than lying awake all night thinking about making that call in the morning. Plus you can take your time with an email and get the wording right.
I would also send a letter to your Dad's GP and explain everything to him/her. They probably won't discuss things with you directly, but are duty bound to listen to your concerns, & it all goes on record. My Mum's GP followed up my letter very quickly with a home visit, and arranged for an assessment by the CPN.
What I've learned most is that 'she who keeps pushing gets more response.'!
I agree with Nessa456 on this - you may have to do the contacting for your Mum now. I've been doing this for my sister (our Mum's carer) as she's very depressed. Like you I live on the opposite side of the country so I'm not there to help on a daily basis, but phone calls/letters/emails I can do! You need to be quite focussed and persistent. Personally I find emailing gets the best results. I've been known to do that in the wee small hours, sleeping better because I know the social worker will read it first thing in the morning, rather than lying awake all night thinking about making that call in the morning. Plus you can take your time with an email and get the wording right.
I would also send a letter to your Dad's GP and explain everything to him/her. They probably won't discuss things with you directly, but are duty bound to listen to your concerns, & it all goes on record. My Mum's GP followed up my letter very quickly with a home visit, and arranged for an assessment by the CPN.
What I've learned most is that 'she who keeps pushing gets more response.'!
Many Thanks to all who replied. Your comments have been very useful. Just to let you All know mum has been in touch with social again, they have agreed to do a carers assessment but we don't know when yet. I hope they don't take too long as this seems to have boosted mum and she seems a quite a bit happier. Once again thanks to you all.
That's very good to hear. You/your Mum will need to keep on at them to provide an actual date for the assessment.
Ring them back on Monday to ask when the carer's asessment will take place and keep phoning each week until they give you a date. They should have booked an appointment date already, not been vague about it.
What excellent advice, Nessa456;578037. I will look into that tomorrow. I have just posted my first post on this forum, and am so grateful to have found it.
DWNIE - very best of luck. My Mother bullied my Father when he was dying, and now I need help to deal with her. I know the circumstances are different, but I so feel it for your sister and for you being so far away. xx
