father died tonight....

[alicejude]

So sorry to hear of your sad loss xx

 

[Dazmum]

I'm sorry for your loss Fath xxx

 

[Butter]

I am so sorry. I send sympathy.

 

[fath]

Thankyou for your observations and they are possibly bourne out by the fact that she still asks each day 'if we can do anything to help' him, I am sticking to my guns for now and telling her the truth and have even a couple times, when she seems closest to understanding, suggested that we go visit him, so's she can see, as she has also asked 'how do they know its him' or 'they say he's died', but she seems reticent and not sure she wants to do this... The Cremation is in a week so we still have time.
The assesment by the older persons social services has been in hand for some time now as we got involved with them when Father sufffered a UTI, and all it's related mental confusion, at the beginning of Dec '11.

Hi to all you lovely people...
I took my mum to see father at the funeral parlour on the 13th and it went ok... she said he looked as if he was 'asleep' and was 'peaceful' and I hoped that we had cracked it,

but later that day and even until this evening she still asks most days, sometimes more than once, as today, 'He has finished?', 'He is asleep?', 'He died they say!', 'Is there something we can do to help him?', 'Have we heard from him?', 'Should we visit?', 'It doesn't seem right'... or something along those lines!

The cremation was on 18/04/12 and we went, and she saw all the family, there and at the reception here afterwards but still even with me staying honest with her with whatever she asks we still come back to 'I know I should understand but it just doesnt seem right!'
She seems to be depressed, understandably, and gets worried if she doesnt see me within about 30mins...

A local Hospice has offered Bereavement support but that was the day after the crem so I said we'd wait till this coming week as she seemed ok at the time... It seems a good idea now but would someone with more Dementia awareness be a better help at this time????

I know that was long but... I have been hopeing that things would improve, and they might have just a bit but I dont want her to suffer...!

Regards from a grateful fath

 

[Billie61]

So sorry for your loss. It's so hard to know how to deal with dementia sufferers.

MIL lost both parents over 30 years ago. Before we realised how bad her dementia was, she asked about them and I said that it must be 30 years since they died. She was so upset, it was like she had just lost them all over again.

Since then we have decided not to say that again and say things like "not sure what they are doing today" or "we'll give them a call tomorrow". Within 30 minutes she has forgotten about it anyway, so there is no need her being upset over and over again.

Good luck to you.

 

[lisarobs]

the same happen to me this time last year mum was in a assement unit and dad passed away in his sleep we told mum the day after brought her photos of the two of them together and also asked her what she wanted for his funeral its very hard my heart goes out to you and your family x