Dear Tara,
It's heart-breaking to hear the sadness in your words. Trying to sort out the practical stuff, whilst wrestling with the shock, fear and sadness in slowly losing your mum. We all get more defensive, in order to protect our loved-one, when other people have opinions that conflict with ours, so there may be a small element of that too, in your current situation.
But you really do take me back...and it's to a place where I was uneducated and unaware, scared and so, so sad. But then I found TP. This forum will guide you through every step you need to take, and I didn't know about it until much further down the line.
When the gas was an issue for my mum, we simply had it capped. She used a microwave in the meantime, but we arranged meals on wheels, and carers came in to make cereal for breakfast and sandwiches for tea. A risk assessment was done on the house, by social services, and everything was completely geared around mum, and keeping her safe. At this point, my mum had moderate dementia but my dad was paralyzed from a stroke and stuck in a hospital bed in the living room. They lived with each other and had support from a care agency. This carried on for 2 years until dad died in 2009. There was nobody else living with them and my sister and I lived an hour away. It was a hellish situation for mum and dad, but they did it, and it was what they wanted...to be together, however hard that was. Your mum has your brother and you...and there's more help available.
My mum deteriorated after losing dad, but got to spend a further 8 months in her own home, with support from social services. She had a sudden downturn in 2010, and needed 24 hour nursing...almost over night. Then the decision was made. We couldn't provide nursing care at the house, and we needed her health to take priority.
But in the years leading up to this point, we had neighbors believing she should have been in a home much sooner. They were quite happy to tell us so....They were wrong. She was happy, safe and familiar in her home of 38 years, and as long as your mum is safe, has support and is of littlenor no bother to the neighbors or their own safety...I don't see it's any of their business.
Best of luck tomorrow. I wish I could tell you not to worry too much. If I could have fast-forwarded my life from the point you're now at, I would have seen that there is support out there, and I didn't have to do it all alone; I would have seen all the laughs my mum and I still had; I would have felt empowered by the voice I had to have on mum's behalf and I would have ignored people who didn't understand, and put all my spare energy into enjoying any precious moments.
You'll be ok.... Please feel free to PM me anytime, xxx